Saturday, June 30

Iguana: An Addendum

I forgot the whole point of my story last night.

I slept with the kid, not because I wanted to, but for revenge. Tell me you have a threesome on the day of our date and I'll one up you. I'll fuck some stranger. And I did.

So when I woke up the next morning the guy from the date IM'd me. I told him:

"Since we're being honest with one another...I went home with someone last night."

He played the whole, 'I don't get jealous game' and it didn't bother me that much. I just wanted him to know what it's like to have something land in your lap like he did you me. But then my day was made...

He slipped...

Suddenly he said, "I wish I'd gone home with you."

Now maybe I'm over reading it as I often do. But, why would you play it cool the whole conversation and then SUDDENLY wish you'd gone home with me AFTER I tell you that? It means you're at least a little jealous.

I know my adding this will make me sound like an asshole, but I needed some retribution, I really did.

Friday, June 29

Iguana Ties Loose Ends

In the passed week or some I am SURE that many of you have had some questions going through your mind about my life. I am also sure they were along the lines of:

  • Will Iguana ever find love?
  • What happened to the Actor/Magician?
  • What happened to the boy that I fell for?
  • Who was the boy I had to kick out?
  • Is Iguana drinking again?
Well aside from the last one, I will try to answer all of those, but not in the appropriate order. The last question is a joke because I just bought a Dinah Washington CD and that woman was fierce, very fierce.I think I may be in love with her looks and her style as well as her songs.

(That's not Dinah, but someone impersonating her and I LOVE HER!)

Anyway, lets answer these questions:

  • What happened to the Actor/Magician?
The answer to that one was found out today actually. As we were auditioning more actors for the movie. The casting director told us how she was speaking to a gay producer from London and when she told him she was casting for the Sequel to Another Gay Movie. He flipped out and said, "You do know that the lead actor is having an affair with an actor who was also in the movie and happens to be British." I'm not saying names, but just look up the credits and you'll figure it out quickly. As I sat there it suddenly all became clear why my sexual advances were denied.

Yes, that's it. The reason he didn't sleep with me was because of that. Listen! That's my story and I'm stick to it!


Moving on, the next part is the BIG part of my entry.

  • What happened to the boy I fell for? And who was that boy I kicked out of my bed?
So the boy. Oh, the boy. It seems in my life these flames burn quickly. That or I purposely LOOK for reasons to give up easily. Perhaps it's psychological, whatever the point is it happens. However, this guy seems to want it to happen.

So last I mentioned him he told me that he was going on a date and that's why he could hang out. We had a conversation following that about where we stood and what we stood for. Meaning, as we dating, fucking or what? I just like to have these lines drawn, even if only in the sand.

We he informed me that the date wasn't really someone he wanted to date, but got along with. And he DID like me and wanted to date more. I was content with that and smiled. He seemed to be no drama. He told me that he told me because he was being open and honest and I appreciated that.

It's funny how those little quirks about people, I find a way to USE against them later in life...or in 48 hours...

So Wednesday rolls around, the day of our date. When I wake up he usually would IM me to say hello and today was not exception. We start chatting and he tells me how he went to Sandy Hook (a beach) yesterday. It's a nude beach, I know this from having gone before.

Here's where it gets fun for EVERYONE. He went with his Ex bf and his Ex's new Bf. Okay, whatever. Then he mentions how he thinks his Ex's bf wants him. So I make jokes and investigate about how in this city it's VERY possible. Before I know it he tells me...

"It was my ex's birthday wish to have a threesome."


Honesty? This is honesty? Okay, seems like it, but let me ask you something...honestly. Am I supposed to be HAPPY with that? Slowly, revenge was brewing in my mind. Not revenge, but disappointment. So I jokingly follow with, "Did you do it?" Yes. Then to comfort me I suppose, he tells me it wasn't sex, they just fooled around. Oh how my nervousness fell...That was sarcasms for the slow out there.

Hey! It's his life, we're not an item. He can do what he wants. But then he topped the cake...

"So are we still on for our date?"

He put those TWO statements next to each other?! How is that possible? HOW?!

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME FELLAS!! THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO!!!"

Being the social butterfly I only but said, "Of course." So the date was set.

Note to the wise: When someone tells you that they had a threesome like that and you agree to go on a date with them later that night. Letting is brew in your mind will only make it worse.

So cut to later in the night. By this time I decided, that after tonight I would no longer REALLY bother with him. If he wanted to continue this farce I would indulge him. He had the nerve to tell me he wants to try dating me and tell me this. His actions were clearly speaking louder than his words.

I never claimed to be quick on the uptake and I'll admit I am a hopeless romantic so when he told me he was interested I thought, "Great!" But I'm NOT an idiot.

I continue...

We went to eat.

That was the date, that's all. He told me at the beginning that he wanted to go home early to sleep. I told him my friend was doing a drag show at a bar around midnight, I thought he would want to come. Nope. The conversation was nice, pleasant...whatever. What REALLY got my goose though was this.

Three times. Not once, not twice, but THREE he mentioned his ex bf's new BF. Not just mentioned him, but swooned about him. He had mentioned him before in conversation and I ignored it. But, when you bring it up on our time...Telling me he thinks he's hot, that he loves opera and something else. By the third time THIS was going through my mind:

FUCK YOU GUY! I DON'T NEED THIS BULLSHIT! I WILL GET YOU BACK!!!

However, I said, "Your eyes look nice tonight."

So the date ended sooner than it began and I realized I wouldn't be seeing him once again for another week, if at all. I had to strike while the iron was hot.

That's when I entered the night life. A bar in NYC called The Cock. It's slightly seedy, but fun. My friend, who is a drag queen, was doing a small show called Lindsay Lohan: The Musical. It was fun and cute, the finale being a recording of Linday's one hit and her burning her face into a HUGE pile of coke.

I met some interesting people in this night world, that I don't often go into. I need to more often. I met my first FTM Transsexual. He was so sweet and hit on me. I also met a "Bio Queen"

Then I met the guy.

I didn't know that he would play the role he did at the time. He was just another person I was meeting at this place. What I find funniest about it was he wasn't my type at all. But, apparently I was his.

He is a club kid who hangs out with all those famous people, but are SO underground that I don't know them. He is trendy, does all the right drugs and is thin as a rail. He is loud and funny and makes everyone laugh. He's always drunk and loves to be the center of attention.

He also wore his insecurities on his sleeve. He is gorgeous, but didn't see it. He has a bf, but I'm guessing their in an open relationship. That OR I just played the other woman. As I often have done.

He chatted and had an overall fun night. A fun night that went into the early morning. After the show and the bars I ended up at my friend's place (several of us did) and we were hanging out. The boy was leading the conversation and making eyes at me.

When I announced that I was going home to sleep he quickly began to buy time in asking me WHY I was leaving. Because I am tired. BUT I could crash there. I like my new place and I'm just a short walk away. I can escort you to your place. Really? Yes, so you're safe. Okay, lets go.

The rest is history. We fooled around, he said he wanted to fuck me. I stalled. He asked again. Kept fooling around. I noticed his giant endowment and swallowed me pride about hygiene. I'm cutting this short since work is through and I have an appointment with destiny...more later...

Iguana Has So Much To Say

Chapter Three: Who Wears Short Shorts? —
The answer would be me. Packing for this trip I never pictured I would have had a chance to sleep with an small time movie star and magician. I didn't picture I'd be hooking up with anyone in general. So I didn't prepare myself for anything. I mean I was sharing a room with two other people. I may be known in my time as an exhibitionist, hell I don't have any sort of shades in my window and I'm always getting naked. However, I'm not that brave.

But we were all friends there and I was willing to swallow my pride for the chance to sleep with this guy. First being that he was cute, and second being that I would love to have a movie where I can point and say, "I slept with him."

Isn't it wonder to dream and hope?

So here I am, lying in bed, next to a very attractive actor/magician. Wearing my short shorts...


I felt some visual aid may be required so you can get an idea.

So we hop into and I lay my arm across his chest and then we wait...Well I wait. Nothing happens. Yes, nothing. Someone later asked me why I didn't make a move...

If I moved anymore I would have left the state of New Jersey. So we went to sleep any nothing happened. However, I did get to sleep with him technically. My friends later told me that he apparently "has got no game." I would find out more about that the next day.

Chapter 4: A Small Bathing Suit and a Sun Hat —
I don't know if you can tell yet, but I'm not one to shy away from much. I do suffer from social anxiety and I do get nervous in crowds. If I'm with my friends though I feel more confident, as most people do. The actor/Magician decided to wake first and announce it was 10 am, we had to check out by 11 am.

I was thrilled to be going to the beach, it just took forever to get there. But it was a welcome path we took. We went to the Grocery store to buy one of our friends a quick birthday cake, where we discovered that the Shop Rite in Neptune, NJ is holding the WORLD'S population of all the Beanie Babies left. It was insane. So of course we got one. It was a Poodle that had been gutted and turned into a purse.

My personal favorite was the cat that had been skinned and turned into a purse. Beanie Babies don't so so cute anymore now do they?!

Then we went to the Groom's house. Which was a "Victorian Home" except the outside looked nothing like it, but the inside had somewhat of a Victorian look. In my particular opinion is looked VERY similar to the set of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but that's just me. You'd have to see it to believe it.

After a rather amusing and disgusting stop at an IHOP followed by a Beach Towel spending spree we FINALLY made it to the beach. I quickly stripped off my clothes to be in that LITTLE piece of red fabric, but this time I added a GAY Sun Hat that I got in a local shop. Just a straw thing that old women wear. It was somewhat liberating and yes probably made me look like a total faggot. I didn't mind.

While spending the day on the beach the Actor/Magician and I went for a walk alone. On the beach. Yes, very romantic. But the romance seemed to have stayed in NY that weekend. Instead of kissing on the beach, we walked and talked. Which was very nice though. He tried to teach me to do cartwheels too. VERY interesting seeing as I have no balance. Then he took me out to some rocks and...

Told me about how he kissed his ex-bf in a place like this for the first time. No joke. By that time I had accepted the fact nothing was going to happen and took it for the fun I enjoyed it as. Which was good old fashioned fun. Who knows what the future will bring...oh wait more stories have happened...But those are for another night...

Prologue: They Call Him Mister Black —
To settled my recent frustrations. I went on a random meeting with a guy from myspace to Mister Black. He's interesting, but eh. Fun when drunk. Which isn't necessarily a good sign. I wasn't digging his personality when we were sober. But I got to make out with him, which quelled the beast inside me.

He wants to take me on a date. Time shall tell friend...

Thursday, June 28

I'd write an entry...

But...

I have to get the hot guy OUT of my bed and I have to get OFF to work.

I am not bragging...okay I am a little.

Fuck the pain away. It's sad but true.

Tuesday, June 26

Iguana Asks you...

Would you come to a birthday part if this were the Evite photo...

Some times I make myself laugh and that can be viewed as vain. But honestly seeing this makes me chuckle!

Iguana's Pride Weekend


I'm about to tell you a tale of how my weekend went. Like Alice going through the looking glass, I found myself in situations that I've never been in and I some how survived. Getting out of the city, even to go to New Jersey for a gay wedding was a relief. Obviously it wasn't the traditional wedding and usually I cry at weddings.

"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride."

However, the grooms decided to have songs in between each part of the ceremony. The grooms marched down the aisle, song, testimonials, song, vows, song, rings, song...It got kind of redundant and it ruined the possibility of my crying because every time I get emotional some song (ones that I didn't care for) were sung.

Like the sap I am though, I really started to think about my own wedding someday. I'm not religious but I would like to have some sort of ceremony. I want to say my vows to someone. I know it's cliche, and these grooms seemed to cry more than say vows. But I have been one for giving speeches. And I think I would have a few songs sung, but I decided I would only have it done if I had two famous singer friends with fabulous voices. Well E could definitely sing, and she'll probably be well known by the time I wed.

So with the wedding done we shall now go into where my weekend takes some twisted turns and thus explains my life as you've come to know it...

Chapter one: The Inn and the Stripper —
Upon checking into the Inn, which was eh at the most. My friend Eric and I deciding that we were the ones to share a bed. One of our group suggested that we check out the bar next door to the Inn. Notice how I keep saying Inn, when it was clearly a motel, but I like to give the idea it was quaint. So we walked across the parking lot and as we got closer we soon discovered two things. First, being that the Bar was a strip club called Centerfolds and that we discovered how the Inn probably stays open.

I have never been in one before and I was with some of my closer friends, so why not? Well I'll tell you why not. Faggots, especially ones that tend to giggle when embarrassed shouldn't be allowed to see topless women.

It was then that I had my first encounter with my first stripper. She wasn't the prettiest woman in the world. She had orange skin, bleached blonde hair (much like mine used to be), giant breasts and a face that could make a mother cry. After sitting through her dancing, where all I could think of was Anita Morris's A Call From the Vatican, she came up to me.

She removed her top and ever so generously jiggled/shook her tits at me like they were two separate entities by themselves. I immediately started to giggle and looked up at the ceiling. Now I can be naked in front of people without shame (I'll get to that in following chapters), but I tend to blush when such a thing happens. What I didn't realize was my insulting the stripper. OH was I!

"What are these funny to you?" She asked me, little did I know then that her rejection would mirror my own later tonight.

I started as her and blushed, "Oh...No...I just..." Was all I could say and she stormed off. My friends informed me that I had wounded her stripper pride and that the jiggling of her breasts meant she wanted a dollar. Which I observed when she went to a fat man across the bar and he paid her for her presentation. I felt awful, and in honor of her, gave two dollars to the second stripper who performed.

Ginny you shall forever be part of my mind, and part of my development. May life treat you well from now on.

Chapter two: Paradise Closes at Two —
The wedding reception was a hoot. It was in a giant theater they were remodeling. Due to the fact that the grooms were crazy, from what I heard as the gays all gossiped before the wedding. We had a BBQ at my Lesbian bosses home down the road. Her house was beautiful and the food was immaculate. Her girlfriend made it and I have never had such good Salmon. We also proceeded to get drunk before the wedding, during the wedding and AFTER the wedding.

Back to after the wedding...

So I think by this point I'd had three Rum Punches, two glasses of Champagne and was starting on my one of MANY Vodka & Cranberries. When the star of Another Gay Movie (seen above holding the large buttplug) came to say hello, specifically me.

Thus started my torrent love affair actor. But we've yet to get there. The thing about him saying hello specifically to me, is it rarely happens. He's your typical actor (And I think he has ADD) and remembers only those who help his career. Not that all actors are that type, but I've heard this said about him several times before.

In my opinion, he makes me laugh. But to be around him all the time may drive me nuts. So he joined up in our drinking, and drinking and drinking. Finally around 1 am the party had to end. The DJ stopped and we had to be out. So the six young gay men went off to drive around the Jersey night life. Which apparently was a club called, Paradise at the Empress Hotel (the M was out so I called it the Epress Hotel). Somehow in our car appeared an older woman and a younger girl. A mother and daughter from New Orleans who were guests at the wedding two. The mother was 41 and the daughter 18. Both were trashed out of their minds.

"I'm 18 and I have a fake 21 ID and I would LUV fo' you to join me tomorrow night going to the clubs in New York City." The daughter invited me and insisted that I call her "Tits" because they entered the room before she did. I laughed and the moment they left the car we all sobered up for a moment and collectively said, "What the fuck was that?"

Paradise was lame compared to most clubs of the city. It was pure alcohol you could tell. If there'd been illegal substances going around people would've surely removed their shirts. I wanted to but I knew I'd stand out. It was around this time that the actor took it turn on hitting on me. Flirting endlessly and I played back. It was also decided that he was coming back to our room to stay with us. Eric gave up his stop on our bed so the actor could sleep there.

Like clock work 2 am struck and suddenly the music stopped and the lights went on. It was time to go home. We drove to the motel and I got excited. Not overly, but I also got nervous. I really didn't see this happening at all. But, since this week had been emotionally draining, I deserved some fun, didn't I? We arrived back to the Inn...

Time for bed. I will continue this tomorrow.

Monday, June 25

Iguana Is Losing It

A long weekend story ahead. But so far that kid is messing with me in a strange way:

Me: What are you doing today and tomorrow that we can't hang out...

Him: Tonight I have a date.

OH no he didn't. But yet he just did.

Saturday, June 23

Iguana Gets Justice

I'd like to propose a toast...
(cue The Ladies Who Lunch)


Here is to new identity:
Just ten days longer than a year ago I was known as a different blogger. That blogger was Blondie_boi. Blondie_boi was a much more immature person than I am now. That's why I felt a change was needed in my life and I let go of the blonde and took on the Iguana. I'm very happy I did.

Here is keeping memories alive:
But that's not that point of this entry. The point of this entry is holding onto what you believe in. You hold onto it for so long that even when life hits you with shit, you can someday recall it and feel that you never doubted yourself for a moment.

Here is to just desserts:
A year ago and ten days when I was known as Blondie_boi. I was LJ friends with a certain user who claims to be a writer. That is fine with me, perfectly fine. But what wasn't fine with me was his claim to be a theater critic. He would see a show and just gush about it. Then if he saw something he didn't like he would bitch and moan. It was down right annoying. What annoyed me the most was his love of Disney musicals. Disgusting. Purely disgusting.

One day he wrote a review on seeing Tarzan the Broadway show. A review to which I will post for you now:

Last week (before I flew to Chicago) I got to see Disney's Tarzan on Broadway.

I was crying within the first minute. Why? Because it was so goddammed magical.

Is it an AMAZING musical? Well, it certainly is visually. I was afraid that I would never be able to share all of the flying, swinging and Wicked-beating special effects, but now I can!

Below is a link to Disney's exclusive Tarzan video. Click the link, wait through the commercial and see all of the ridiculous shit they were able to do on a live stage.

It truly is breathtaking... Plus you get to see ex-Idol contestant, Josh Strickland in nothing but Tarzan's loin cloth.

Yeah, I figured that would get your attention.


Yes. He said those things earnestly. Well for anyone who knows me when I sense unjust theater opinions going around, I must raise my voice...*

Here's to the ladies who lunch (Me):
your opinions confuse me...are you being paid by someone to endore certain thing? lol and before you yell at me, I know people are allowed their own opinions.

Everybody laugh (Him):
The numbers do the talking - whether the theatrical community poohpoohs Tarzan or not, it is here to stay as its ticket sales are doing just fine.

The show is a visual spectacle - the story, a simple one. But Disney no doubt invests lots of money and time into what they do - Tarzan was spectaular.

And I wish I were being paid, though sadly i am not.


Here's to the girls who stay smart (Me):
I think that's what it is about you, you LOVE commerically endorsed things. The Wedding Singer, Tarzan, etc. You like the shows that are contemporary. Tarzan can't fail because it's Disney, Disney is starting to RULE Broadway. Just like the Jukebox musical this is NOT A good thing. The Lion King was a good thing because Julie Taymor made it amazing with her artistry. Not it's just: Lets take a movie and make it full of special effects and lets put it on stage. Mary Poppins, The Little MErmaid (which I admit I am excited about), but really Broadway doesn't need this this in my opinion cause soon almost all the musicals that survive are going to be Disney movies...and that upsets me.

Aren't they a gas? (Him):
Well theater was always a spectacle. I love both comercially and non-comercially endorsed things. I love off-bway and NYTW and college theater.

I don't believe in ruling something out just because it's expensive and glitzy.

I hate Jukebox Musicals because they're lazy and often directionless. Wedding Singer was a very good time. Tarzan was breathtaking.

We can hem and haw about "what's good for broadway" but it, my friend, is a business. It is doing better this year than ever before. At 115 bucks a ticket, there is no choice - they must do what will bring people in.

You want independent theater? Stop by the NYU blackbox. Walk into a piss-smelling theater in little italy.

You're not going to find experimental non-comercially funded work on Bway anymore, just as much as you're not going to find an Indy movie at the local sony googaplex.

But I won't let this destroy my feeling for a musical. If it feels magical/ looks good/ sounds nice, I'm pleased.

If I'm bored, I'm out.

Here's to the girls who play wife (Me):
Pull in your claws Mame they're showing.

Did you see Caroline or Change? Did you see See What I Wanna See? Evita? The Light in the Piazza? Parade? A New Brain? That is good theater and most of it was last time I check on Broadway or close by.

I think my ellist opinions on musicals and your more "simple-but-not-to-be-an-insult" opinions will always clash.

Just because it's popular doesn't mean it's trash. My best example will be Cats...it's shit, but it was once the longest running Broadway Show EVER.

Sure the shows I mentioned aren't around anymore, but those shows also don't have a Onmimedia ruling over it. Disney would sooner pay people to buy tickets rather than let a show of their's close early.

Aren't they too much? (Him):
Yes, we will always disagree. I have seen and/or own soundtracks to each of the shows you mentioned.

The difference between me and you is I like "good" shows AND "fun" shows.

I don't go for "Bad" shows.

Simple as that.

And here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best?:
lol Tarzan is a good show...okay let me sleep on that...

Did I tell you about the time I got my Hemmerhoid removed? I mean it was "good" for me to have done that. In the end my ass was bleeding for days, but it was a "good" choice. Let's not go saying things like good...cause they have double meanings.

When they get depressed it's a bottle of scotch, plus a little jest (Him):
Have you seen Tarzan?

Let me know when you do.

Until then, don't place judgment. It's an enjoyable show for kids and families, it tells a story that's known widely. The songs are catchy and it's a visual spectacle.

Whatever your criteria may be, give it a non biased viewing before you start comparing it to your ass issues.

So here's to the girls on the go, everybody tries... (Me):
whoa mary! Is it the full moon or did I really upset you? haha. I unfortunately can't afford Tarzan I'll catch it when it's closing the tickets get cheaper.

Look into their eyes and you'll see what they know... (Him):
Okay, so we'll continue this discussion in twenty years when it closes, then.

Everybody dies!! (Me):
I'll be turning 41 and I shall tell you what I think then.

It's hard not to reply when discussing things with such an A Type personality as yourself.

I trive to see what your reply is when I say something like:

Tarzan is shit

*Warning: I will admit this was a much younger me. Plus I was thoroughly pissed off, and I couldn't take these idiotic reviews any longer. I need to speak, and I didn't care if it was pretty.

Here's to not holding a grudge, but holding on, nonetheless:
So we ended it there. I let it go. I did it more to see how bad a bad obsession can get. Rereading it now I realize how dumb I myself sounded, but I was young as I said. So much changes in The Year of Magical Thinking.

I don't know why I never forgot it though. Dismissed it. If he liked shitty shows, then he liked shitty shows. It was his final comment that stuck with me. "We'll continue this discussion in 20 years?" Because of that comment alone I was WILLING to wait 20 years until it closed just to discuss it with him more. A passion does this to you.

Fortunately for me, I didn't need to wait 20 years...

Seems like Tarzan was no longer making the great ticket sales. Hm, interesting.

I'm not basking, honest. I'm merely pondering how this could be possible.

Here's to getting your MOTHER FUCKING COMEUPPANCE!:
Tonight I went back to that very entry and posted (without any caring for the fact I am coming off as crazy. Who cares if people think your crazy when you proudly wear the title Eccentric on your sleeve?)

Everybody rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! RIISSSSEEEEEEE!! (Me):
I know this is a blast from your past. And I've long since stopped using this livejournal. I switched to a new one. But I thought I'd recall this conversation and let you know...

http://www.broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=19485

On my 22nd birthday. Not my 41. Let's just take that in for a moment.

I'm not one to hold onto issues of any kind, but when it comes to theater. I am always correct.


Here's to finally being able to let go...but with a smile on your face

Goodnight.

Friday, June 22

Iguana Asks: What's wrong with me?

Am I suffering postpartum depression? Did I lose my equilibrium from one night? Are the drugs finally wearing off and I'm starting to face reality? What's happened to me? I'm stronger, more sane than this. I know, I know that for sure!

One of my oldest and best old friends. She knows me from when I was just a small town boy. She did the math and said we've been friends for 8 years, which is a big amount of time it seems. E came down the city to see Company, Best Revival of 06-07. It was a wonderful time, someone to talk about theatre with for hours and know that she understands what I say. Someone to make me laugh hysterically. Someone to walk around Brooklyn with and actually get to know the area.

We discovered Prospect Park together, which was beautiful and meaningful to me. Loneliness is hard, and it's nice to have company from a good friend.

The life of a spinster is coming back into my mind more and more these days. Perhaps because it's summer and I am feeling idle that I want someone in my life. Not anyone, hardly anyone. Someone special.

I was telling E about how for so long I was focusing on the basics of life. Just living was my main concern. I worried about sleeping on the floor, I itched my scratchy body and I focused on school, work and getting out of Crown Heights.

Well I have a bed, I don't itch, school is done and I got out. I've moved up a level on Maslow's Pyramid and all of the sudden all these issues and thoughts are coming into my mind and they were once familiar to me, but I hadn't even thought about them for a while. I feel I need to get readjusted to them. I sit wondering, was I always this emotional? The answer is, yes I probably always was.

Now the even that has promoted these thoughts...

Two reasons really. Company's plot line and final number. And weirdly enough, seeing the guy from the other night randomly from the window of the bar we went to.

I sit watching this show about a man who has lived in NYC and can't commit and has this epiphany and sings a gorgeous song (Being Alive). Then to go out and the guy who doesn't have time for me, walks right by me, only some glass separating us. I feel this utter confusion. Utter confusion. This city is so lonely and last night was exact proof of that. It just made sense in my mind.

I am quitting before I am ahead.

Wednesday, June 20

Iguana Tried to Sort Things Out

Confusion, false emotions and impatience. All are things that course through my mind the last few days. A trip to NJ in the sun will do me well. A day with one of my long time friends, seeing a show will also do me well.

Perhaps I should start for the beginning, as is often the proper way to start:

My birthday is closer than I realize, and often on my walk home from the gym (as I now can walk home from the gym) I find myself thinking. I can't sleep or read a book anymore, so why not think?

Oh the London Cast of Passion is SO over blown, but it has it's redeeming qualities I suppose.

I'm turning 22, as I've said before, not old but no longer young. I would like to try for something different this year. Well, I am trying for something different. Am I digging my holes to quickly? Expecting the possible from the impossible?

I went on a "date" this Friday. To call it that is my getting ahead of myself? I expected nothing of it, but instead met a really interesting, attractive and all around nice guy. It completely threw me of balance. He was my age to. Only two years in age difference. After months of older men it was a breath of fresh air to meet someone my age and to connect, even on the smallest level.

Then I started feeling it. Actual attraction. Something, I find I haven't felt in a while to long. I wanted to see him again. It was different from when I was dating the man from recent, or W or anyone else in the last year. I wanted to know him more. There are of course some difficulties to this all. His busy life, his current living situation and location to my new home.

Of course he's busy all week, literally every day this week. He tells me, "I could see you again this Sunday?" Then he lives on parallel trains to my life. He may as well live on the moon it seems. We both live in Brooklyn though, how can it seem so far by train, and so close by car. But when you don't have a car? Then he lives with his ex-bf (of two years). A situation even I find difficult to explain, if not utterly inconvenient to my senses.

Plus, he broke my emotional virginity being the first guy I have ever had over to my place (a place I am happy with) and spent the night. To many this may seem small, to me it was a big moment. As anyone knows when virginity is taken, it's held with regard and not easily put in the back of the mind.

This was all this weekend...then suddenly last night things began to sit and stir. My nemesis had begun to stir. The beginning of the week was filled with smiles, I'd met someone I genuinely enjoyed the company of. Who seemed respectable and I wouldn't mind getting to know better. Then it began. Why doesn't it seem like he feels the same way?

My Cancer-like qualities were getting the best of me for sure. True he is a Cancer as well, but he was born on the cusp. So he had Gemini traits, which explains a lot. But this Zodiac digression makes me sound foolish, but it's worthy to point out.

He makes comments like he does, but really. Sunday is the earliest? Am I a leisurely trip to be taken whenever he's ready? As I sat last night feeling myself get more angry at the whole thought. I get off work early tonight and I'll be spending it at Trader Joe's it seems. He has some sort of plan, oh yes, his ex-boyfriend/roommates birthday. Yes, I'm not even dating him and I've been blown off, for an ex no less. Then I come off look to eager, in my mind at least.

I can feel it deep down inside. There wouldn't be crowds big enough, rooms large enough enough to hold this anger.

I excused myself and went to bed before I could get anymore antsy. Which was a fatal mistake. There my mind takes complete control. I'm trying to compensate for his lack of interest. Trying to make myself feel better and I feel like I'm coming up empty.

That's why today I am retiring the issue in general. If it's meant to be than its meant to be...

Monday, June 18

Charlotte D'Amboise, I won't have a thin said against her. Also, there are those who say she can't dance. I don't know much about dancing, but I enjoyed watching this:


Saturday, June 16

Iguana Isn't a Nazi

But after getting a buzz cut can pass the part of one. Well a gay one:



That is Iguana Post Park Slope Move.

Friday, June 15

Iguana's Hair Cut

The buzz cut has made it's return to my head and I'm glad for it. I do like myself with longer hair though, I'll admit. But, it gets to a point where I just get tired of styling it and even if it's just there (like parted to the side, a style I had been doing regularly the last few days) and people like it, I don't feel happy.

With a buzz cut, I don't need to worry about this things. I just wash and go and it's "styled" so to speak. Then it grows out and the process begins again. I got my hair did at a local salon in Park Slope, which was terrific just for the notion that I no longer need to travel to Astor Place for a buzz cut. It was friendly and nice and it really made me smile on the inside.

While getting my hair buzzed I realized how much blonder it's become with the summer. I feel like it was so much more darker when I got my first buzz cut in September of 2006. I have golden hair, it's really nice.

In other news:

My long ago partner in crime is coming to the city next week. And by partner in crime I mean one of my favorite fag hags of ALL time. E, who has a blog of her own, is coming to the city for a day. I already requested off work, so we can spend the entire day together! I'm REALLY excited by this, she makes me laugh to no end.

Her choice to come down is funny, she told me she wanted to see the Company Revival before it closed and basically I told her, "COME SEE IT!" She's been going on about Raúl Esparza ever since...well for a while. Plus since I sent her the Company Revival CD for free, I felt it my duty to get her to actually SEE the show before it closed.

She's not used to the life I've been living for a year. I call it the life of "Getting" not the life of "Wanting". Basically I have seen any and every show I wanted to this year (which would be basically EVERY show that touched a stage in NYC) and didn't care how I saw it. TDF played a big roll in the purchasing of tickets, which was great since they're cheap tickets that can be ordered from online.

Student Rush...eat your heart out.

It just was nice to spread that theater mania to someone else and have them buy a ticket to something they really want to see. Rarely do I get to do that.


Now this may sound extremely weird and corny, but in the last few years as I found out about different shows (Side Show, Smile, Carrie the Musical, etc) that premiered years ago (some not so long ago) and I missed out on them I would always feel a deep sadness inside my soul.

I'll never forget when I was turning 13 and my aunt was going to take me to any Broadway show I wanted. I was determined to go see Side Show. I had the CD and had seen the performance on the Rosie O'Donnell Show. Only to find out the show had closed. Or when I was turning 15 and I had just discovered Audra McDonald and desperately wanted to see Marie Christine. Once again, it had closed.

When I first moved to Brooklyn, 3.5 years ago, and I was moving into my dorm. Was I excited to be leaving home? To be going to college? To meet new people?

NO!

Literally the only thing on my mind was, "I have got to see Caroline, Or Change before it closes in a week!" And yes, I did see Caroline, Or Change two days later. I knew nothing of student rush, standing room only, etc. I just went and asked if they had student seats for the show. They offered me partial viewing and I took them. I couldn't see Chuck Cooper as the Dryer from my seat. But, I did it, I saw a show that I really wanted to see before it closed!

In that moment I knew something had changed. I knew that from this moment on, I would never let a show pass me by without good reason. I would no longer have to wait months until my birthday for my one Broadway show a year, only to find out that closed a month before. It was one of the very reasons I had moved to the city in the first place:

To experience theater!

So in short, I don't know where I was going with that rant. Except it was nice to excite E today to buy the ticket. Pretty soon, she too will be able to see shows as she pleases.

I hope this all made sense.

P.S. I have a pesudo date tonight...how these things come up, I don't know anymore.

Wednesday, June 13

Iguana Is Slothy

Honestly, I earned the sleep. So the gym had to be ignored today. In fact sleeping until noon was in order. Very not in my normal standard of life. Yet I did it and for that I feel no regrets.

I may shave off my hair soon. It's getting too long for my liking, and I don't know what to do with it, honestly. I part it to the side, but I look into a mirror and I see a face I don't recognize and I'm not comfortable with.

I used to like taking pictures of myself, nowadays I'm not so enthused. Not that I hate how I look or anything, just not fulfilled with that kind of vanity anymore.

The Gentleman Caller is hurting my heartstrings again, but that's extremely repeative and old news. So I'll march onwards.

I had some stressful dreams last night, not that I truly remember them. I remember waking up feeling as if some sort of stress was on my mind, but I realized right now that's not happening.

How strange to feel no pulling weights on in my current life. I found out today that I got ALL A's on my report card again. I am a stellar students, yes that is true and always has been. I guess I shall continue on with my education and get my BA in theatre. It makes me laugh (deep down inside) because saying I'm getting a BA in theatre seems SO useless to tell people. So I've reverted to adding on the word, "just" to the equation.

It's very strategic and smart. "I'm just getting my BA in theatre." And I'm prone to adding a "for now" at the end too. To show that I am thinking and wanting to do more in the future. I do, I really do, but what that is I have yet to discover or realize.

I know now in my life is that it's difficult for me to plan long term. Life's recent little game of changing drastically, with my already issues on long term planning has only helped to make me more weary of planning. I take life day by day now. Oh dear lord. I can't say that I want to go to grad school when I finish with school, I would like to, but then the question of where comes into mind? Yale? Spend more money? What do I want to do in the theater world? WHAT!?

Tonight, I shall probably be seeing a movie by my lonesome. La Vie End Rose. Edith and Judy's lives are so similar. I am sure I'll love it in that sad way. Why has no one made a REAL Bio Pic on Judy? Is that my calling in life? Perhaps it is. Perhaps time will tell, someday.

Iguana Runs Errands

Working as an intern/helper for friends is more difficult it sounds.

We had a staged reading of Another Gay Sequel at the Zipper theater tonight. It was a blast, but also a lot of work. The last two days were spent with me exploring the city to find these props that may not SOUND hard to find but were:

  • A Crab
  • Rosary
  • Tiki
  • Tiara
Yea, easy to find, right? Now name where you'd find them. The Rosary cost me a LOT of sleep lost that I was meant to get. Costume shops, jewelry stores, sex stores...nothing had them.

Low and behold, St. Patricks Cathedral has a gift shop...gift shop, I say. Rosaries go for 9 dollars apparently. My mission was accomplished.

The last two days have been long and tiring. Looking for these things in the hot sun, then working all day.

Summer Vacation. Is it all I ever wanted? My next paycheck will remind me of why summer vacation is good for me. Apparently, I will not be traveling this summer, as I ever SO wanted. As I walked to the subway this morning, my mind drifted on people who are truly in love with the city.

Am I one of those people? I want desperately to leave it sometimes, and yet I feel if I go, even for a small amount of time, I will surely miss out on the best thing and then where will I be?

Plus, traveling with no one is truly a bummer. And no one goes anywhere with me. In two Saturdays I will be going to Asbury Park in New Jersey for a gay wedding. I'm going with a group of friends, and well while that's not a vacation for them. It is most certainly for me. I haven't been on an actual vacation in three years.

It's not time to go into that.

During the set up for the reading, I was asked to get a mini flag so an actor could imitate the Edie Dance in Grey Gardens. From the two city blocks I walked, apparently the rain started. Without an umbrella I began to get soaked. So I ran to the theater, yes I found a flag.

I almost collided with a Latino Girl, who almost poked my eye out. I kept running, but did apologize. But, chances are she didn't take it sincerely. I arrived to the reception, looking like a drown rat.

Gay men everywhere and I look like a washed up wreck And I was proud of it.

Eccentricity isn't a choice, it's a duty.

After it finally came together, my props were used brilliantly. I tried three different kinds of pot and got VERY high. Almost TOO high, I came home and ate practically half the groceries I bought today. Different options of food, being difficult for me to understand, still. I'll get used to it.

I'm going to stop now, but my main point was. Judy's Carnegie Hall Concert once again popped up in my shuffle today. It suddenly nullified to ALL the shit of running around the last two days.

Goodnight, Moon. Goodnight, Judy.

Monday, June 11

Iguana and Vanessa

With the Tony Awards over, it means I can finally collapse until Fall, when the new season starts.

This weekend I saw two of the most amazing shows, which only proved to me why I love theater so much.

On Saturday I saw The Year of Magical Thinking starring Vanessa Redgrave. If you've read the book, see it before it's off stage. It was tremendously well done and performed!

Then today before the Tony's I saw Journey's End, and low and behold who was in the audience with me but Ms. Redgrave herself. Journey's End, which ended tonight, won the Tony for best revival.

This show has gone down in my life as one of the most amazing theatrical performances ever. Chilling is all I can tell you. I really pity anyone who didn't get the chance to see it. Really. It had such a short run because we live in a time where people would rather ignore ANY issues of war than even see a show about WWI, that was written in 1928 but is so incredibly relevant to today.

When it won and the Producer said that they put on this show knowing it was going to be a financial loss, I was touched and moved. That show was everything theater should be but often isn't. I can't praise it enough.

Then to finish of my theater weekend I watched the Tony's.

This is the first year I basically saw almost EVERYTHING that was nominated. So I sat there judging of my own accord. It was rather fun. My theater knowledge has grown so much in just one year. It's funny. Tonight I saw Vanessa Redgrave lose the Tony.

That makes three Vanessa Redgrave appearences in my weekend...

This weekend has been labeled:

A Weekend with Vanessa Redgrave

Sunday, June 10

Iguana is in HEAVEN

My love, my idol, my dream.

Anita Morris

Since youtube.com was first created I have hoped and prayed that this video would be posted. It's Anita Morris doing A Call From the Vatican from the musical Nine in 1982. It's one of the most amazing performances I have ever seen. Seeing this was what only cemented my ETERNAL love of her. So sit back and watch (even though it's shitty quality) the stunning movement of this video.


Thursday, June 7

Iguan's Days With The Streets

Day: 5

I feel like my time in Park Slope hasn't been fully enjoy yet. Since I plan on living here for a long while, I'll have time to learn to love it.

On the day I officially arrived to Park Slope I found a transparent and green bull in my Margarita and I knew it was a sign that I was welcome here. When I was kicked out of Chelsea and homeless for two weeks. I found a plastic Goldfish in the couch bed I was sleeping on. I took it with me to Crown Heights.

She sat in my window sill watching over me. Eventually she watched over the bed that would soon fill me with much anxiety and insanity. When I moved out last Saturday, in my rush to get out asap, I left her in the window.

She is lost to me now. This bull shall take up her job of watching me now.

It's the ones we love, that we end up leaving behind.

Today during casting for the movie I got to sit next to this actor or the first movie. He's beautiful and funny. Very normal too. We had a funny little connection, nothing I took as sexual, but just fun.

Last night on my date, I felt a sense of Deja Vu' because he mentioned several places and things that the guy I dated before had talked about. So suddenly I could completely relate to his stories, without ever having experienced any of them. I had the phenomenal Asian Chicken Salad at Eatery with the guy and when he brought it up I could completely agree it was amazing.

Then he spoke of these strong and sweet Margarita's at Food Bar (Watermelon was the flavor) and I could easily say, "They ARE strong and great!" Even though I'd never tried one in my entire life. Other subjects were brought up and I was suddenly living a life I'd never lead.

Dating older men has it's advantages. They know all the special places to go and the fun things to do. They also have their disadvantages. They've already done those things many times and just TELL you about them and never let you experience it.

I resolve not to be so stupid.

My 22nd birthday is coming upon us VERY soon. As of tonight it's officially a month away. 22 marks no significant birthdays until 30. Plus it makes the beginning of aging and getting older. Up to 21 (and through that year) you are always young, people always look at you young. You try to relate with a story of your generation and people look at you odd. Maybe it's also because everyone I know is much older. It never was an issue besides this, but I'm falling off track.

With this birthday comes a time to wait and watch. Life officially begins for the young adult at 22. Most normal 22 year old adults are finishing with college and beginning their stint in the world, etc, etc. I started a year and a half earlier one could say. Except I'm still in school.

So as usual, since I've done it before everyone else I know I will have more time to reflect. That's why the issue of aging comes to my mind.

Dating men who are in their late 30s/early 40s means you are attracted to them enough to know they still look good. Yet they always seemed uncomfortable with me. It may have been for two reasons.

  1. My young body made them self conscious of their age and they realized that they are aging.
  2. My obviously want of their security meaning through their material and monetary value was so obvious they just wanted to test it to see if I was actually attracted to them. When I would be polite and show affection, yet withhold my sexual nature they became confused and uncomfortable.
I am sure it wasn't the latter. Absolutely, I mean I'm not a black widow or anything.

In short I guess I asking for two things about the aging years to come...

Let me age gracefully and nicely and let me have the courage to admit that I am getting older and accept that fact.

Tuesday, June 5

Iguana says: Please Be Kind

I feel as though someone has set the reset button on my appreciation of life in general. I am glad for it.

Simple things such as waking up this morning for it being to bright.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room and smiled. Here I was sleeping in a bed that was mine, in a room with my possessions. A sun shinning in on me. It was so nice.

Then to follow leaving my apartment to pick up my laundry and just seeing the happy kids in the street, walking to school with their mothers.

Then walking my 15 minute walk to the gym. Knowing I no longer had to take a 30 min subway ride again.

Followed by walking to the grocery store and for the first time in seven months I bought groceries! I bought pita bread, jello snacks, crackers, hummus, Chocolate Soy Milk, Apple Juice, Rice cakes and TV dinners (Lean Cuisine of course).

I wanted to fall down on the floor and just raise my hands up to the sky and say thank you to someone.

Now I'm not saying my life was horrible in Crown Heights, but I never really noticed how nice these things are when you don't have them. But I survived and as this week progresses I realize how much I missed real life. I have sample everything I bought today. I need to be careful or I'll get plump or something.

I look behind me and see my bed...

MY BED!

My body still aches from the floor and all the nights I slept. When I leaned into the PS2 and made my back sore.

My body still isn't used to feeling food that's normal. I'm used to trail mix for seven months straight.

I'm not used to space to move in my room. I have so much laid out and have room for more!

I am going on a date tomorrow night and the guy said I should pack a change of clothes in case I spend the night. I laughed and smiled to myself and answered, "I'll do something like that..."

And for the first time I thought to myself, "But I want to go home and sleep in MY bed." I don't know when I ever thought that in the last four years? That I had a bed that I called my own.

Now some people may read this and roll their eyes and say, "Is he still going on about this? He didn't battle Cancer or anything." And I say true.

But I also say when someone is pushed to their emotional limits they have every right to revel in the good times as they did in the bad times.

I feel reborn and it's a nice feeling.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep and I'm going to lay in bed with my legs spread...because I haven't been able to do that in a year.

Iguana's Ventures

Humdrum Melodic life we're leading now aren't we?

Today I woke at 8:04 am and walked to pick up my 31 lbs of laundry at the cleaner. Which is right down the street. I watched kids walk to school with their parents holding their hands. One of the kids played a game of naming different colored rocks. I didn't know Banana was a color, but the mind of a child is a wonderful thing.

What I would like to mention the play that I saw this Sunday which after a couple days of thinking about it has left me spellbound. The show is Eurydice by Sarah Ruhl. Who did The Clean House (another show I loved)


This play blew my mind, which is why I needed a day or two to think about how I felt. It also didn't help that while seeing it, some old corpse behind me kept saying out loud, "This show is awful."

Which lead me to wonder, is this show awful? I thought the staging and presentation was astounding. It was pictorial throughout the show. Like the picture above, that image is beautiful in my mind! There were just moments like above that really touched my soul.

Then there was the matter of language. Sarah Ruhl has a style that I feel will someday be studied and celebrated all around. Her plays are fantastic and surreal and remind me of Beckett and Albee in their own way.

This time the lady is doing it for herself.

Her writing is poetic and absurd at some points that you would sit there and just say, "What did I just hear/see?" I loved that! For example, the stage is dark and the lights come up and a man on a giant tricycle rides on, with a badger wearing a head wrap attached to it. While loud rock music plays and lights just flash repeatedly. It was mind blowing!!

And at the end of the show, for the first time in an audience there was hesitation to clap. I had never felt such confusion in an audience in my life. So even if the rest of them hated it, I am proud to say I really enjoyed it.

I think Sarah Ruhl is becoming my favorite playwright of my time.

I leave you with this...



Sunday, June 3

Iguana is now a Park Sloper!!!!

June 2, 2007 marked a great day in my life.

On that day I moved into my new apartment in Park Slope! The Year of Magical Thinking has officially come to a close and I can move on an improve on my life fully!

I can tell from the moment I officially moved in that this place only spelled signs of achievement and improvement in my life. I can't really explain it. For those of you (I don't think many) who followed me from a year ago in May, you can definitely understand why I am so incredibly happy.

Oh I am stoned by the way, so my mind's a little off.

Here is an example of where I lived before to where I live now so you can understand:

Before:

After:
I need to relax tonight. It's such a happy time we live in right now!