Kind of Blank

It's all blank so far. Perhaps that weekend home has drained me so much. I'm not 100% sure. I've been trying to assimilate myself back into video games. It's going much more successfully than when we tried with the Native Americans. I bought my first video game in over a year yesterday.

Yesterday was strange because nothing happened. I tried to go to The Tall Man's. Just for sex. That's all. He denied me. What happened to my sexual pull? Honestly, it's because he's become super busy. He is going away in two weeks across the world. He has to file his taxes. He has a lot of work. He has to find a roommate. Why hasn't he asked me? That's part serious, but mostly sarcasm.

Honestly, I do believe I'm a person who people can live with. I can be as social or antisocial as you treat me. When I think about living with the Tall Man, part of me wonders: Why doesn't he ask me if he's looking for a roommate? Then I realize I wouldn't be able to afford it (unless I had student loans, which I do) and I'd never go to the gym. Plus the room is furnished so many of my items would have to go. Plus I'd have to move in a week. Not possible, not possible at all. I say that now, but if he asked me tomorrow I'd probably say yes. I'm not Peter Pan. I need to grow up.

That aside. I'm seeing three shows this weekend. One – The Night of the Iguana. Legendary moment for me, to see my namesake. Two – Juno. Legendary flop with amazing score, starring Victoria Clark and Celia Keenan Bolger. Three – Sunday in the Park With George. I can't wait to see that show. It's the show that brings my two college lives together.

The other night I was suffering from insomnia and to help me sleep I bought five musical flop CDs. What's wrong with me? What's wrong!

Picture-A-Day #025

Doing homework. It's the first lazy Tuesday I've had in a long time.

FriendsWithYou -- New Love

I have fallen in love with something utterly amazing. It makes me so happy in these up and down days of life.

FriendsWithYou will be getting a place on my body. I am in love with Popa, The Boy and Barbie W/Spirit.

Picture-A-Day #024

Picture-A-Day #023

My sisters straightened my hair (meaning she got the curl in the bangs out.) This is for fun.

Jesus Died For Our Sins

Last night I sat down with my dad and discussed my finances for the next year. I'm going to have to take out a wonderfully hefty loan to live off of. I'm doing what everyone else is doing and living off the system. Despite the fact I will have to pay it back. Rent, food, Subway Transportation, etc. All will live off this loan.

It's very disheartening when you sit down and add it all up. I can't do financial aid because I'm on my parent's income, which is well above 75,000 a year. My father is rich, that doesn't make me rich. What a funny and overheard complaint in the college world. I'm hoping that on this loan I will be able to finish school once and for all. Granted, I will enter the adult world (haven't I been there for a while already?) and have to start paying off the loans. All that jazz. My dad was very helpful, telling me not to get discouraged. It's not as bad as it will seem. It's life, we all have to go through it.

He also approves of my leaving my job. Apparently I am the hardest working person in college they know. Isn't that funny? It's actually very true. No one works harder than I have. That's a proven fact. I'm kidding, my story is a dime-a-dozen here in the city. I suppose. Well I highly doubt it actually I've never heard of any 22 year old who has gone through as much as I have.

A Long Days Journey Back to Home

This is how I remember my family. Yes, I am the little one in the red vest. I remember happiness and simplicity. I don't remember fights and hate. Which utterly perplexes me how times change so easily. People change. It someone looked at this photo could they possibly see what futures were held for these people? Can you spot the alcoholic? The troublemaker/pothead? The faggot? Or the thief?

If you've spotted three of the five, congratulations you are psychic. This is how I'd like to begin the story of my family (someday of course), which an imagine similar to this picture. My very childhood memories rely on this very photo, if I stray to far away from this photo all of my childhood may crackup completely.

I have found out something very important on my visit here. That is the story of our Rise and Fall as Jehovah's Witnesses. It truly is a sordid tale, and once again has inspired me to someday write a play based on it:

Act I:
My mother and her younger sister were raised Catholic until she (my mom) was 13. Then her parents made the change to Jehovah's Witnesses. That is still a mystery, but I also can compare it with the very moment they lost their minds. My mother fled my grandparents iron rule at 18 and promptly became pregnant with my brother at 21.

My dad was a 21 year old pot smoking dropout who wanted to change his life. He wanted something to believe in. He became a Jehovah's Witness and a good one at that. He became a partner in his father's business and was basically one step below being an Elder. Mother's younger sister was a Jehovah's witness and thus her husband was one too. All but my mother never was baptised.

As years passed my mother had me and my brother started school. She began to resent my father and his religion for ostracizing her children. My brother was sent to the Principal's office whenever there were parties of any kind. My father also began to get more involved with the business and that meant sometimes lying about certain business transactions. This was not the way of a Jehovah's Witness. Lying and watching you distance yourself from your family. My father left and thus is officially excommunicated.

Oh, but if only that were the end of this tale. No, it's not.

Act II:

My Aunt and her husband, still Jehovah's Witnesses, have their first child. While my aunt is weakened by birth somehow a rare blood disease she had took that opportunity to become active in her body.

A week after she had her child she developed kidney stones and one one could figure out what was wrong with her. She returned to the hospital and complications began. Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Western Medicine and though a blood transfusion could possibly have cured everything. She never got it. My Uncle refused to give her the transfusion, they even had other Witnesses come to the hospital to keep him strong. But my mother said that she still remembers the wails he let out they moment she was gone.

That's not how I remember my family, but that's how it really happened.

Lastly, this is my at my fattest. Some people don't believe I was once chubbier. So I'm bringing pictures home to show the Tall Man because he shared his fat photos with me.

Picture-A-Day #022

Upstate NY is no fun to me anymore.

East of Eden — Bastardized Movie

Last night was hanging out with the Tall Man. Which consisted of sex on his couch, something we haven't done before because he usually had a roommate around. Now he didn't and he had a towel handy. So it commenced and was delightful. Then we talked and didn't talk for hours.

Since I finally finished East of Eden we decided it was time we finally watched the legendary movie. Okay, if you say so. It was a brilliant movie as far as James Dean's acting and Elia Kazan's direction went. I'll even give it up for Julie Harris and Jo Van Fleet (who looked exactly as I pictured Kate to look). I'd never seen James Dean act before and I fell in love with that man. His approach was ground breaking of what you saw during the 1950s. Most actors played for the camera. James played for the performance it seemed. It was very cool to watch.

That aside, the movie sucked. The story was so far removed from how great the book was. The book was phenomenal because of the epic qualities it had. In the movie they condensed it into one simple story about the two brothers. They removed all other interesting characters and just went with that. Plus the profound ending was wholly ruined.

I finished watching Dance of the Vampires. Holy shit. Where did this show come from? Those who weren't lucky to see enough the Old style Broadway techniques being raped repeatedly in this show, are neither better off nor hampered for it. Yet, to see it is to see sometime beyond absurdity. I loved this trippy scene when some of the dancers are flying around. While the ones on stage look like mirror images. Or the nightmare dream scene where the bed comes to life and dances. Or when the gay Vampire tries to seduce the lead male and the scene takes place in front of a mirror. But the gay vampire's reflection is there while they dance. Oh goodness me-oh-my!

Tomorrow early in the morning I am working my way upstate to celebrate Easter for less than 24 hours with my family. Prepare yourself for an epic post, I am sure. I don't plan on seeing friends or going to the mall or doing necessarily anything other than filing my taxes. Which means I'll have time.

Lastly, I am now reading And The Band Played On. So for the next couple of months I will be VERY, very introspective I am sure.

Picture-A-Day #021 - Iguana with his skin off

This is what I look like extremely content and happy and naked. Meaning I woke up in the Tall Man's Bed...naked and needing a shower. I'm allowed to brag sometimes...okay?

Aside: It's funny that I still am convinced that I have a tummy. I'll never have abs, but I like my body 75-85% of the time.