Gay men and Eccentricities don't mix

Note to Self: Don't date guys my own age.

Now this isn't necessarily a surprise to me in general because in the last two months I've dated two guys my own age and if the first time wasn't note enough, this time was.

So this guy, M.G. and I agreed to meet up for dinner, wine and just to get to know each other. It was left ambiguous to being a REAL date because well it's easier to deal with it that way. I met him through none other than Manhunt, but he seemed liked he wanted to meet and not just fuck.

Being my usual self I had my mind all excited before the date. Something I need to learn not to do...it only ruins expectations. In my mind we would meet, he would see me and fall for me. He would offer to pay for dinner, we'd discuss issues I found interesting. Like Tennessee Williams, theater, old movies, video games and perhaps a little Marxist theory if we had the time.

We'd go back to his place and perhaps spend the night in a non-sexual way (kissing and touching is okay, but no sex...I long for a sexless date on the first date). Then after awhile of dating we'd decided to move in together and we'd have our shared and personal lives with no fights ever. We'd go out clubbing and do recreational drugs and have amazing sex. He'd fill me with reassurance about my life and I would provide a staple for his life as well.

We'd go on vacations together and later down the road we'd have a child (illegally or otherwise) and move out of NYC into a small town and grow old together.

All this was floating in my mind...and then I met him. M.G. was cute. He had PFV (Potential Fat Value though). You know those kind of people that look thinner than they are, but once they're naked you're like...oh where did all those love handles come from? Wait you have 4 chins...where were they hiding? Okay now I sound REALLY vain, I'm not, but for some reason, with my decent figure (I go to the gym A LOT) I always attract the guys with PFV, have three nipples that all lactate or what have you.

As I said, it really kills expectations. I try to lower them but apparently they aren't low enough?

Where was I?

So I meet him and he was cute, but when he opened his mouth is when I realized that this boy was...different. Now I'm eccentric. This kid was nuts.

Issues we covered in the "date":

- The boy he's dating that he really likes, but knows he's on a date with me.
My Response: Oh...DATE? This? More wine please.

- His ex-boyfriend who he dated for five years, who was much older and they bought a house together and he basically was his houseboy.
My Response: I'm...jealous...I haven't dated someone for more than...oh more Merlot, okay I guess!

- The fact he's homeless and has been sneaking into his old apartment with out his old roommates (who hate him) knowing.
My response: Oh I really enjoy this 3 dollar Trader Joe's Wine.

- How many guys he's been with, including oral and messing around in general. It was a hefty 31.
My Response: Oh, only 31? In four months I doubled that number...and I am not talking about messing around.

- He discussed how he feels that musical theater in the 80s is awful in comparison to nowadays with all the musicals being made from movies.
My Response: I WILL BURN YOU WITH MY CIGARETTE IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

So that was the gist of the pretty failure of a date. Not only did he want me to know about this older man he really liked, but he invited me to hang out with the two of them this weekend.

Needless to say we planned another date in the future.