I'm filled with positive thoughts and energies. Today while I was sorting my paper there was a rush of panic because the paper that we sort had run out. Someone told the story of how the last temp job he was on at this company that ran out. They just dismissed everyone and kept two of them. The worst of stories you can tell to a temp.
A general panic began in the room. Then people began to get calls from the temp agency offering them other jobs. It seemed strange, but then the people who weren't getting calls began to get more nervous. By lunch time tension was high and people were ready to kill each other.
I got a call from the job I applied to in October and apparently they are finally ready to hire me. There was a protocol that they had to follow. I begin to now see that this whole wait may have been planned. To cheat a system, it takes time.
Given to all the tension today. From just sorting papers (or lack thereof) I was relieved to hear that all that waiting had not been for naught. Until I am sitting behind a desk and getting a pay check, I will not believe anything I hear. My response went something like this. . .
Gay Assistant: Are you still interested in the position.
E.Iguana: Did you watch the state of the union address? Of course I would like it . . .
Friday, January 29
Thursday, January 28
My Mother's Tears
I called to simply ask her to fax a letter for me. Conversations with my mother could be a two person play, and I've often thought about writing down my mother. My mother's simplicity and her undying love for me is a character study. My relationship with her always takes a reverse turn when she breaks into tears over such simple matters. Yet, that were never apparent to me while I lived at home.
The issue is bitchy and simple: My aunt made a comment about my sister's "Spider bite" piercings. . . on her 16th Birthday. She said, "I can't even look at you." Turned away and handed her an envelope with money. Majorly c*unty though and worthy of my mom's tears.
Now that I never partake in the drama of this household. I can listen and I encourage her to speak out. I get my sensitivity from her and I would probably begin crying in the same situation. I like to believe I have grown stronger and with a little tougher of a skin. I've seen both sides now.
The unfortunate part of all this is this was the aunt my mother felt she had a close relationship with. The aunt who comes down and takes me to Broadway shows and I go to dinner with her and her friend. I listen as they take at each other about their children. What their kids do. Never really having a conversation, but topping the next statement. I sit and drink wine and enjoy the free meal. Sometimes I throw out random words, but mostly I eat the bread and sip the wine.
So my mother feels betrayed. I
The issue is bitchy and simple: My aunt made a comment about my sister's "Spider bite" piercings. . . on her 16th Birthday. She said, "I can't even look at you." Turned away and handed her an envelope with money. Majorly c*unty though and worthy of my mom's tears.
Now that I never partake in the drama of this household. I can listen and I encourage her to speak out. I get my sensitivity from her and I would probably begin crying in the same situation. I like to believe I have grown stronger and with a little tougher of a skin. I've seen both sides now.
The unfortunate part of all this is this was the aunt my mother felt she had a close relationship with. The aunt who comes down and takes me to Broadway shows and I go to dinner with her and her friend. I listen as they take at each other about their children. What their kids do. Never really having a conversation, but topping the next statement. I sit and drink wine and enjoy the free meal. Sometimes I throw out random words, but mostly I eat the bread and sip the wine.
So my mother feels betrayed. I
Monday, January 18
Crock Pot
I didn't go into work today because I wasn't feeling well when I awoke. Last night we went bowling and The Construction Worker revealed that he was in some major leagues when he was in high school. He bowled a 222 to my 99. He could do that spin on the ball and make himself get strikes. I believe that he's some kind of wizard.
I awoke this morning, later in the day because I felt so groggy at 6 AM. I began cooking a pork shoulder, because I intend to make Pulled Pork Sandwiches. I also made some brownies, as well as homemade coleslaw. The onion rings will go into the oven and I'll ring the bell when the food is ready. You know it takes a while to make that pork shoulder tender.
I will return to work tomorrow, because one must work. One must. The day of cooking was a domestic purge and incredibly fun. I like making food, but in a Martha Stewart kind of way. Not in a job sense. I just feel like I need to keep house.
The kitten has his adulthood and begun to hump things. I relate the feelings I have with Bumble, as a mother must feel with a child. I want to love him, but he terrifies me. Now he's a man, only six months after I've taken him in.
I awoke this morning, later in the day because I felt so groggy at 6 AM. I began cooking a pork shoulder, because I intend to make Pulled Pork Sandwiches. I also made some brownies, as well as homemade coleslaw. The onion rings will go into the oven and I'll ring the bell when the food is ready. You know it takes a while to make that pork shoulder tender.
I will return to work tomorrow, because one must work. One must. The day of cooking was a domestic purge and incredibly fun. I like making food, but in a Martha Stewart kind of way. Not in a job sense. I just feel like I need to keep house.
The kitten has his adulthood and begun to hump things. I relate the feelings I have with Bumble, as a mother must feel with a child. I want to love him, but he terrifies me. Now he's a man, only six months after I've taken him in.
Saturday, January 16
The Honeymoon is Ending
Last night, while drinking The Construction Worker decided it would be a good time to go through some issues that have been bothering him. I appreciate honesty, I've read enough Albee to know the best truth is an inebriated confession.
The first issue was about my picture on some websites. How I revealed unladylike truths and some people in his social circle were beginning to question him. He's a private man and I respect that. I suddenly felt very nervous, because I knew of one site and the Construction Worker insisted it was a different website. I suddenly through it could be this very venue in which I type. Would I have to get rid of this? No one reads this anyway.
Then I began to wonder what kind of gay Terrance McNally play I was in. Someone confessing my secrets to the Worker because they want him to know he is with a once dangerous Lolita type. I told him I would check my past and erase these old relics. He told me not to worry about it more than that very conversation.
Then he brought up my lack of etiquette. This one thing I found amusing. I use my fork and knife incorrectly. I know this and it has never entered my mind that some people would find it offensive. According the Construction Worker, in some social circles. The fact that I switch the fork to my other hand when I cut my meat. It's an insult?
What a wicked creature am I? To have been throwing out threats to everyone around me when I eat in public. I agreed to be trained in the way of proper fork holding. This is what relationships are all about, learning from your partner.
Then came the final issue. At this point, my hide was rough from all the issues at hand [and the sex] and listened as to why I mentioned I liked him more after therapy. I explained my future and the uncertainty of it all. In June, I will be changing apartments and losing benefits. Things will be unstable. I feel weird trusting in someone when I feel like a wreck.
At therapy I simply just spoke of Andrew and what was going on with thoughts. I take the future in stride, taking things as they come. Yet, I still worry. It's my upbringing. He told me that it will all be okay and I should not worry. This is partnership and being with someone. This is trusting.
The first issue was about my picture on some websites. How I revealed unladylike truths and some people in his social circle were beginning to question him. He's a private man and I respect that. I suddenly felt very nervous, because I knew of one site and the Construction Worker insisted it was a different website. I suddenly through it could be this very venue in which I type. Would I have to get rid of this? No one reads this anyway.
Then I began to wonder what kind of gay Terrance McNally play I was in. Someone confessing my secrets to the Worker because they want him to know he is with a once dangerous Lolita type. I told him I would check my past and erase these old relics. He told me not to worry about it more than that very conversation.
Then he brought up my lack of etiquette. This one thing I found amusing. I use my fork and knife incorrectly. I know this and it has never entered my mind that some people would find it offensive. According the Construction Worker, in some social circles. The fact that I switch the fork to my other hand when I cut my meat. It's an insult?
What a wicked creature am I? To have been throwing out threats to everyone around me when I eat in public. I agreed to be trained in the way of proper fork holding. This is what relationships are all about, learning from your partner.
Then came the final issue. At this point, my hide was rough from all the issues at hand [and the sex] and listened as to why I mentioned I liked him more after therapy. I explained my future and the uncertainty of it all. In June, I will be changing apartments and losing benefits. Things will be unstable. I feel weird trusting in someone when I feel like a wreck.
At therapy I simply just spoke of Andrew and what was going on with thoughts. I take the future in stride, taking things as they come. Yet, I still worry. It's my upbringing. He told me that it will all be okay and I should not worry. This is partnership and being with someone. This is trusting.
Sunday, January 10
By Any Other Name Would Still be a Rose
This is a picture of my boyfriend's stalker. He sent it to me one day along with a four page letter this kid wrote for him. I don't need to worry because I've been told he joined the army. Though his letter (which was written in October) says he may not continue with it.
Now, for those of you who know my background. This is the second guy I've dated who has a stalker. It's left me with a few thoughts and queries that I just want to get out in the open. Be there an answer to them or not.
I wonder how someone could feel so obsessed with someone to the point of carving their names into a tree outside of the apartment that the Construction Worker was building. Or that he got one phone call when he joined the army and he called The Construction Worker. Is there some sort of dreamworld they live in? I was told that the boy was only a hookup, but then it grew into this deranged gifts and him getting followed into bars.
I sometimes wonder what would happen if this boy doesn't go into the army and just suddenly appears one day. Would he try to kill me? Or ruin my life. The only difference between the first stalker and the second is the man attached. The Construction worker is coming from a different place and this said stalker has yet to appear.
When he does, I hope it ends up like this. . .
Friday, January 8
Gather Together in My Name
Oh the temping life. I completed my first half week of temping at the law firm that handles in asbestos lawsuits. People in the 50s and 60s who are trying to get money from their health issues. There are other lawsuits that this firm handles that are other health issues.
I sort papers. That much is simple. I sort all types of papers, that are scanned so the lawyers can look at them in their offices and then make money in court. I get $12.50 an hour, and in these times, I have to remind myself how grateful I am to be working. Sorting papers and resorting them. I was told the job would last two months, but other temps tell me they've been there for a year. "It will extend." They say.
I get my evenings free and a 15 minute smoking break at 10 AM. It is a change in the sleeping schedule, but it is not to difficult to wake up at 6 AM. I just need to watch my nights and be in bed at a decent hour.
The people I work with are normal. I went to happy hour with them tonight. There is a sassy girl who drinks to get through the day. On breaks they discuss how little they are being paid and how the men in charge get paid $20.00 an hour to sit there.
The Brazilian man who trained me. We shared a desk for three days, literally. He sat next to me, "training" me on how to sort papers by recognizing documents. On the second day he kept asking me, "You must ask me questions." I responded with, "Surely you're flirting." I come to find out at happy hour from the fabulous black woman, "He's got a live at home boyfriend, but he's on the down low." I fell to the floor in laughter. The sassy girl said he trained with her for 15 minutes. I shared a desk with this Brazilian hunk for three days. He's a lawyer, but only in Brazil. I think that's exotic.
My first clue to his homosexuality was when we were on our way to lunch. I was having a salad, but the rest were headed to McDonalds. One of the girls spat out, "He just sits and watches Lady Gaga music videos all day." I froze and realized the mystery had been solved.
I sort papers. That much is simple. I sort all types of papers, that are scanned so the lawyers can look at them in their offices and then make money in court. I get $12.50 an hour, and in these times, I have to remind myself how grateful I am to be working. Sorting papers and resorting them. I was told the job would last two months, but other temps tell me they've been there for a year. "It will extend." They say.
I get my evenings free and a 15 minute smoking break at 10 AM. It is a change in the sleeping schedule, but it is not to difficult to wake up at 6 AM. I just need to watch my nights and be in bed at a decent hour.
The people I work with are normal. I went to happy hour with them tonight. There is a sassy girl who drinks to get through the day. On breaks they discuss how little they are being paid and how the men in charge get paid $20.00 an hour to sit there.
The Brazilian man who trained me. We shared a desk for three days, literally. He sat next to me, "training" me on how to sort papers by recognizing documents. On the second day he kept asking me, "You must ask me questions." I responded with, "Surely you're flirting." I come to find out at happy hour from the fabulous black woman, "He's got a live at home boyfriend, but he's on the down low." I fell to the floor in laughter. The sassy girl said he trained with her for 15 minutes. I shared a desk with this Brazilian hunk for three days. He's a lawyer, but only in Brazil. I think that's exotic.
My first clue to his homosexuality was when we were on our way to lunch. I was having a salad, but the rest were headed to McDonalds. One of the girls spat out, "He just sits and watches Lady Gaga music videos all day." I froze and realized the mystery had been solved.
Tuesday, January 5
I Told You It Was Epic
I have been reading a lot of Maya Angelou lately. Her life speaks to me. The trials and her insights just ring true on a human level. Being a dancer in a strip joint, just by being true to herself. She does these jobs she hates, she marries and divorces. Why does she wed, "Because he asked me." So decided in her ways, she reflects later when the time is right.
I begin another temping job tomorrow. There is the rumor it will be for "a couple of months." That comes as a breath of air. The alleged hours are 8 to 4 pm, which is even better. Tomorrow when I go, all this could change on a dime. Nothing is certain, but I will stay true and work.
The Construction Worker and I have been dating for about 5 months now. It's a steady companionship, with delightful sex, that has yet to grow boring. At least from my perspective. He's a Pieces, which means he will stray. I mentally prepare myself for it, but never fully acknowledging it. Like a guest at a party. I could talk to any number of personalities, but I'll avoid that specific one.
He had an invite to a wedding, but I'm not yet at the "plus one" status. I'll stay home and get my kitten spayed instead. Little Bumble Beeson is getting his balls clipped. I think he's otherwise engaged. Retarded. Suddenly I'm Bette Midler as Jacqueline Susan in that movie about her life. I'll write a novel while I take care of my slow kitten. Making him a eunuch.
I begin another temping job tomorrow. There is the rumor it will be for "a couple of months." That comes as a breath of air. The alleged hours are 8 to 4 pm, which is even better. Tomorrow when I go, all this could change on a dime. Nothing is certain, but I will stay true and work.
The Construction Worker and I have been dating for about 5 months now. It's a steady companionship, with delightful sex, that has yet to grow boring. At least from my perspective. He's a Pieces, which means he will stray. I mentally prepare myself for it, but never fully acknowledging it. Like a guest at a party. I could talk to any number of personalities, but I'll avoid that specific one.
He had an invite to a wedding, but I'm not yet at the "plus one" status. I'll stay home and get my kitten spayed instead. Little Bumble Beeson is getting his balls clipped. I think he's otherwise engaged. Retarded. Suddenly I'm Bette Midler as Jacqueline Susan in that movie about her life. I'll write a novel while I take care of my slow kitten. Making him a eunuch.
Sunday, January 3
The New Year
The New Year has passed and I am trying to help people whom I barely know out. It's a chance I am trying to give. The new year weekend has passed slowly and I await tomorrow when I call my temp agency. For some mundane assignment that will take up 10 to 12 hours of my day.
With the passing of that last job opportunity and the new decade, I have felt grateful to just do what I am doing. The dullest work an American can imagine. That way I'm some unsung Americana Hero. I'm doing what it takes to get by. Years can pass so quickly when you're doing nothing. Then next thing you know you've been doing nothing for years but living contently.
In other news Bumble is going to get his balls cut off soon. He's being a little to feisty for his own good. I look at him and often wonder how I ever decided I wanted to control something else other than my life. I can't throw this thing out when I get over it. Yet, I know have a companion who keeps me home.
The New Year's Eve was pleasant and spent with the whom I am currently giving my heart to. We went to lunch at a McDonald's (but not after searching for a decent place to be open). Then went to wander around the entire Brooklyn Museum.
There was a brief resting period where we went to dinner that had endless champagne. 2010 started there. Then we went to a party and I watched people flit about. Followed to another party where I flitted about. Then lastly to a warehouse affair, which was intense and crazy. The fact that it was only 20 blocks away from my apartment was even more astounding.
With the passing of that last job opportunity and the new decade, I have felt grateful to just do what I am doing. The dullest work an American can imagine. That way I'm some unsung Americana Hero. I'm doing what it takes to get by. Years can pass so quickly when you're doing nothing. Then next thing you know you've been doing nothing for years but living contently.
In other news Bumble is going to get his balls cut off soon. He's being a little to feisty for his own good. I look at him and often wonder how I ever decided I wanted to control something else other than my life. I can't throw this thing out when I get over it. Yet, I know have a companion who keeps me home.
The New Year's Eve was pleasant and spent with the whom I am currently giving my heart to. We went to lunch at a McDonald's (but not after searching for a decent place to be open). Then went to wander around the entire Brooklyn Museum.
There was a brief resting period where we went to dinner that had endless champagne. 2010 started there. Then we went to a party and I watched people flit about. Followed to another party where I flitted about. Then lastly to a warehouse affair, which was intense and crazy. The fact that it was only 20 blocks away from my apartment was even more astounding.
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