Human Moment

Tonight I had a human moment. With a friend who I have known for years, but never sat next to and really talked to. He gave advice and told me about his family life. I understood him for who he was in that moment. It touched me and felt very good and honest. Two people sharing their lives.

Leaving the party was family like too. Kissing everyone goodbye on the cheek. It was sweet and touching. It made me feel warm. I also got a warm feeling when I made it home in record time. Only 8 minutes after midnight. I left the apartment early because I was feeling good in my soul. I wanted to quit while I was ahead.

I Told You It Was Epic

I have been reading a lot of Maya Angelou lately. Her life speaks to me. The trials and her insights just ring true on a human level. Being a dancer in a strip joint, just by being true to herself. She does these jobs she hates, she marries and divorces. Why does she wed, "Because he asked me." So decided in her ways, she reflects later when the time is right.

I begin another temping job tomorrow. There is the rumor it will be for "a couple of months." That comes as a breath of air. The alleged hours are 8 to 4 pm, which is even better. Tomorrow when I go, all this could change on a dime. Nothing is certain, but I will stay true and work.

The Construction Worker and I have been dating for about 5 months now. It's a steady companionship, with delightful sex, that has yet to grow boring. At least from my perspective. He's a Pieces, which means he will stray. I mentally prepare myself for it, but never fully acknowledging it. Like a guest at a party. I could talk to any number of personalities, but I'll avoid that specific one.

He had an invite to a wedding, but I'm not yet at the "plus one" status. I'll stay home and get my kitten spayed instead. Little Bumble Beeson is getting his balls clipped. I think he's otherwise engaged. Retarded. Suddenly I'm Bette Midler as Jacqueline Susan in that movie about her life. I'll write a novel while I take care of my slow kitten. Making him a eunuch.

Oh These Days, Please Pass

I am getting reprimanded a lot this week. I wish I was not, but I am. I want to get out of it, but it's more difficult than I know. I wish I knew what to write about the situation, but I don't know necessarily what to say. It also didn't help that the one telling me how to think is in a serious mistake himself. It's like taking advice from Hedda Gabler, it will only end with a pistol and a wound.

I am going out tonight to not spend money. To be with friends, which is more difficult than you can imagine. It's a hard time to live here and be thrifty. You're never not spending money when you're here. It's terrible. You see people less because you can't afford to. Oh the thing we do for friends, at the end of the day I'll enjoy the interactions.

It's almost time to go off into the night and wait for my friends. Tra-la. Maybe I will buy one drink. Then one drink leads to two, then two leads to twelve. You know how it goes.

It's Difficult to Be Famous

Anita Morris is not a phrase you often hear out loud. Her name spoken is like hearing wind chimes, it takes me back to a better place.

I was going to see Equus with my good friend and we were in the second to last row of the mezzanine. Behind us were three out-of-towners—those kind of girls—who attended the show with all intents and purposes of seeing Harry Potter's dick from the last row of the mezzanine.

We had the unfortunate luck of arriving 25 minutes early to the show. I only need to be in a theater for a maximum of five minutes before the show. Tonight we had 30 minutes (for shows always begins 5 minutes late) to mingle with the people around us.

I was trying to talk to my friend and I stopped abruptly when the excessively gay usher in his 50s said. "Who's that on your arm?"

Let's stop for a moment as I explain. I love Anita Morris, I love that she is tattooed on my arm. I love to explain it to those that will understand the tribute behind it. This was not going to be one of those moments.

I looked to my right to see that the 3 ladies were interested as well, "Yes, who is that?"

"It's. . .Anita. . .It's a Broadway dancer." I quickly responded, for anything more and their heads my have imploded.

"NO! That is ANITA MORRIS!" The Usher quickly spouted out, making sure I was not escaping so easily. "Well my God! That is Anita Morris! Look at that!" He clicked on his flashlight and began shinning it on my arm. "Anita Morris! I know her! Charlie. . ." He said trying to wave down an usher in a different aisle. "Charlie! It's Anita Morris! Yes, Anita Morris! Tattooed on his arm. . . That's right!" His flashlight still shinning shoulder, however at this point I was so red the light wasn't necessary.

"Who was she?" One of the three women asked.

"She was a dancer on Broadway. . ." I saw their eyes glaze over. "She was sexy. . . Nine the musical? She. . .curves. . .Raul Julia. . . Ovarian Cancer?" I knew that anything I said sounded like the Sex and the City theme song.

"I love her! I can't believe she's on your arm!" The usher kept spouting out, he had given up seating newcomers and instead would take their ticket and say, "Look at that! He has Anita Morris tattooed on his arm!" I threw my head back and laughed. How could this moment get more weird?

I realized that my head was still starring at the girls behind us and they thought I was listening, "I used to choreograph musicals in high schoo--"

"So did Bob Fosse, Jeremone Robbins and Michael Bennett. I like their stories better." I replied and turned back to my friend, ready to return to normalcy. Before I got a word out I heard.

"What is she up to these days? Oh, I love her!" His face glowing.

My friend took this moment to whisper into my ear, "You've found your soul mate. The man who can identify your tattoo. You will wed." My face turned a pale shade of grey and I realized what I had to tell the usher now. . .

"She is dead." There was a silence as the usher let in a quick draw of air. A mother finding out her child died on the battlefield, he had to keep up appearances.

The weight of the situation was quickly alleviated when one of the threesome behind me went, "AWK-WARD!" The situation was now fun again, for everyone except the usher.

"Oh. . . That's. . .That's just to bad. When did she die?"

"In 1994." I just needed to give the facts. I knew it would be enough. "Ovarian Cancer."

"Well that's is news to me!" He said this with such venom, I felt the ink on my arm boil. He was playing the shock off with surprise. He took a moment to blink and collect his emotions. "She was a darling woman! Have you seen Hotel New Hampsire?" His final test it seemed. He was trying to blind side me with something he thought I did not know.

"Yes. It's an interesting movie. This is my tribute to a wonderful woman! For without her you wouldn't have movies like Hotel New Hamshire!" I sat as I heard the 5 minute tone chime. Now we could begin the real show.

Right There, In Front of Me

I was waiting on the train. Worrying a little about life. Reading On The Road and listening to The Fantasticks. There was a woman next to me, she seemed to be practicing dance moves while listening to her iPod.

The novel by Jack Kerouac is amazing. It's much better than I ever gave it credit. I wish it were still possible to bum around the country. To hitchhike. To see America. To live off 50 bucks, realistically.

I was listening to Much More from The Fantasticks and thinking about how crazy the girl is. How crazy I am. How crazy life is...

Then I noticed a small puddle coming towards my feet. My eyes quickly followed the fast forming steam to it's source. In between the woman's legs. I've never seen a person unwillingly give into the demand to urinate. I have had close calls in life, when I drink a touch more than necessary. I have pee'd on subway platforms, alone, but that's more information than anyone needs to know.

I looked at her face, since I'm perverted that way. It was a cross between humiliation and relief, which caused my heart to reach out to her. I moved away from her, I felt guilty. I couldn't pretend pee wasn't about to make close realtions with my shoe. I left her there, as subtly as I could. The relief quickly disappeared and shame was left. People began to notice something was off. As she left the subway at the next stop, hanging her head. She started to walk towards the way I moved in the subway. Without warning she did a U-Turn. She was ashamed of me fleeing, I just know it.

I felt bad for her, and hope not to many people noticed. Wherever you are, whomever you are, you should really get that checked out.

Mondays, Midterms and Morose Feelings

My parent's visit brought about the news that my Alcoholic Aunt's possible addiction to "Crack-Cocaine". I had to stop myself before my jaw fell through the floor.

I am well versed in the world of drugs, this is a fact, but to hear that my Aunt is living with a dealer/user, makes me want to call the police because it's only a matter of time before this woman is lost for good.

I suppose it's been about six years since it was revealed to my family about her addiction to Alcohol. She went to rehab about 6 times and has fallen off the wagon every time. I know what "Crack-Cocaine" can turn you into. My parents talked about it as if it were just another issue (my dad put a lot of time and energy trying to help her recover) mainly cause they still think she's just drinking. I hinted that this may not be the case, and that they should watch an episode of Intervention, to get an idea of where she may be heading.

Onto other news though:

I went out to a club with my friends. Oh, the night life. Alcohol and Chelsea Boys! At one point during the night a fierce drag queen anounced:

"Gurl! No one does Cocaine anymore! It's all about E! Oh--Are you getting coke? Gurl! Get me some!"

It's lines like that, which make me love staying up until 6:30 am. It's encounters like this that make me love experiencing Chelsea Boys:

(It's 3:30 AM, last call. IGUANA sits on a couch. He is rolling. He also is bopping his head to the music. A HOT GUY IN GLASSES [HGIG] walks over and begins to address the DRAG QUEEN [DQ sitting next to him. IGUANA watches the following conversation, but says nothing, cause he enjoys watching people act like he's not there.)

HGIG: Does he want to dance?
DQ: Excuse me?
HGIG: Is he alone?
DQ: Yes, he is alone...You know he's right there?

(IGUANA nods his head to the music, smiles and says nothing.)

HGIG: You know, you have great arms!
IGNAUA: Yes, I work out.
HGIG: I love your arms, they're great? You're so hot.
IGUANA: Heh. Thanks.
HGIG: Does he look this way in the daylight, he's so cute! Does he have a boyfriend?

(IGUANA smiles.)

DQ: Yes, he is this adorable in the sunlight. No, he's single. He's still RIGHT there.
HGIG: Do you wanna come home with me? Would you follow me anywhere?
IGUANA: (Laughs) Where do you live?
HGIG: That doesn't matter. Would you follow me anywhere?
IGUANA: Huh?
HGIG: Would you follow me around the corner?
IGUANA: Uh, sure? Do you live around--
HGIG: That doesn't matter. Here, come dance with me.

(HGIG stands up and walks onto the dance floor. Without missing a beat the DQ says:)

DQ: Follow him!

(Pushes IGUANA onto the floor and he flows behind the HGIG. The HGIG leads him onto the dance floor.)

HGIG: (Suddenly turns) Want a piece of gum?
IGUANA: Oh. Okay.

(Takes it and pops it into his mouth. Without a moments pause the HGIG grabs IGUANA and presses IGUANA's crotch into his ass. They dance for about 2.5 seconds.)

HGIG: (Points off into the huge crowd of dancing men.) See those guys? Over there?
IGUANA: (Not seeing.) Yea, sure?
HGIG: They want to have a five-some.
IGUANA: (Beat) I'm gonna go sit back down.
HGIG: Aw.

(IGUANA walks back to his chair next to his DRAG QUEEN friend. She is stunned.)

DQ: Gurl! What happened?
IGUANA: He wanted to have a five-some apparently. He sort of just pointed to the entire dance floor and proclaimed it! Plus, he pulled MY crotch to HIS ass. Ha!
DG: Tweaked out freak. Hot, but made one fatal move. (Laughs)
(BLACKOUT)

Ah, romance. I would never go home with someone I just met at last call. Especially someone who wasn't making any sense. He was indeed hot and a five-some would've lead to an interesting tale. It was just a street I did not want to go down again. I was just on that street only two weeks ago.

I had fun nonetheless. It's good to be with friends.

This year's Halloween Costume is going to be:

Sex Pig; Or A Chelsea Boy

Scenes With My Life: Three's Company?

(IGUANA stands outside of the ESCORTS apartment. He smokes a cigarette as he waits. Across the stage enters the ESCORT with a friend in tow. The friend is shaded for now and cannot be visible by the audience.)

IGUANA: (Phone rings and he answers it.) Hello?

ESCORT: Hey we're almost there?

IGUANA: Huh, we?

ESCORT: Yea, a friend is with me. We went to get some food. (Teasingly, but with all seriousness.) He's got a great personality and a huge cock! He does has a weird face though, sort of looks like an alien! We used to date. (He laughs and the unclear guest jokes back, but isn't heard or scene yet.)

IGUANA: That's fine. Whatever, I don't mind company.

ESCORT: He has to visit a friend so he is only gonna be here to eat. We'll be there in a... (ESCORT and friend turn to reveal they are now in the same space as the IGUANA. The lights change and IGUANA can see that the friend is the CYCLIST!!) ...second.

IGUANA: Oh! Well this is a surprise! How are you? (They hug.)

CYCLIST: I am good IGUANA!!! (Bear hug.)

ESCORT: (Laughing) I figured you knew each other some how.

IGUANA: Yes, I am very familiar with him.

CYCLIST: Very.

IGUANA: I am like the New York City Directory, everyone's used me at one time? How are you?

CYCLIST: (Noel Coward. Every emotion for him is huge! Nothing is to small to experience.) I am GREAT! I am visiting my good friend here and now I see you! Did you know Iguana was in perhaps the top three best sexual experience in my life! (IGUANA's eyes grow large.) Two hours!

IGUANA: That's me. I'm a machine. (Smiles)

(Scene change. It's later and IGUANA is walking down the street to a play. He is leisurely strolling. He looks at stores and streets and thinks about them. His thoughts are allowed, does not matter if his lips move.)

IGUANA: (Stream of consciousness and listening to his iPhone. Mame is playing.) You coax the blues right out of the horn, I hope this musical is good. Mame, That salad tasted really good, You charm the husk right off of the corn, I need this walk though. Mame, I am nearing up on FIT. You've got that banjoes strummin' Oh good old FIT! Don't they tape Martha Stewart Living there? And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band, Remember that time you slept with that guy. The whole plantation's hummin' While his boyfriend was out of town. Didn't he work... Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land. (The guy IGUANA is thinking of walks by not noticing him. It is very apparent that IGUANA recognizes him.) You make the cotton easy to pick, ... Mame,

IGUANA: It's time to move to San Francisco... You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,

BLACKOUT

Steam Room: Scene IV

(Two men sit in the steam room. The MAN sits there touching himself and enticing the nervous man sitting next to him. He touches him and the nervous man glances at the door every so often, but totally getting into it. IGUANA enters suddenly and there is a nervous rush to hide themselves. IGUANA sees the MAN and knows immediately what's happening. He smiles and sits adjacent to the MAN. The nervous man keeps to himself. The MAN looks at IGUANA and immediately goes in for his cock. IGUANA rolls his eyes and lets it happen and looks to the nervous man to see what his reaction is. Suddenly and without warning the BALD MAN and another man enter the steam room. As usual he is in the middle of a conversation. The nervous man jumps up and runs out of the steam room as if he will die if he stays a moment longer. IGUANA gets up and holds his breath as he tries not to burst out with laughter.)

BALD MAN: (Sarcastic and knowingly.) What? Did we interrupt something?

IGUANA: (Holding back laughter.) NO! I just can't breath!

BLACKOUT

Steam Room: Scene III

(IGUANA enters the steam room on another day and it is empty except for a BALD MAN sitting there silently. The moment IGUANA enters the steam room the BALD MAN begins. Upon opening his mouth IGUANA immediately realizes three things: He's gay, he's southern and he's insane.)

BALD MAN: Has it started raining yet?

IGUANA: Huh? Oh. I don't know, I have been in the gym. I think it rained while I was lifting weights.

BALD MAN: I just love rain storms! They're so invigorating!

IGUANA: (Coughs from the steam.) Oh really?

(During the following monologue, the BALD MAN's towel seems to slip more and more from around his waist. IGUANA pays attention only because there is nothing else to pull his focus.)

BALD MAN: I grew up in the south, in South Carolina. And my father and I would always just pull out chairs on the front porch and watch the hurricanes pass by. It was amazing! So Godly in their power! So ever since then every time there is a thunder storm I get so excited and just love to watch them!

IGUANA: (Coughs) Wait, you'd sit and watch hurricanes "pass by"?

BALD MAN: (Laughs gaily) No! Well yes! But, no! The storms in the south are different, much different from those in the north.

IGUANA: (Under his breath) Ah, Belle Reve!

BALD MAN: Hm? They're so strong in the south! But recently they've been very good up here.

IGUANA: I slept through the tornado we had in Brooklyn last year. My mom called me to check if I was still alive. I didn't know what happ--

BALD MAN: Yes! That was in Sunset Park! It was amazing! Trains were held up, trees had fallen. It was muggy and damp. Just like the south! (His towel has moved from around his waist, to now just covering his crotch. He is getting excited.)

IGUANA: (Carefully) Have you ever seen a tornado?

BALD MAN: Yes! Well, no. But, yes! There was once a tornado near my house. But it was behind the house and I was on the other end. So I never saw it.

IGUANA: (Pause) Do I look like a drug addict?

BALD MAN: Hm?

IGUANA: Never mind.

BALD MAN: Wanna know what's also weird. I always dream of thunder storms.

IGUANA: I don't dream.

BALD MAN: Do you just forget them when you wake? Well I dream of thunder storms. I asked my doctor friend what is means. (Changes tone) "What does that mean?" I ask my doctor friend. He tells me that it means my life is unbalanced. (Changes tone) "Your life is unbalanced. Something is wrong." My doctor friend says. Well duh I tell him. (Changes tone) "Duuuuhhhh!!" He suggested it had to do with my sexuality. (Changes tone) No shit! I mean I've always had problems with my sexuality and coming out! So dreaming about Thunder storms must have something else to do with my life. I am trying to figure it out and I just can't seem to understand it!

(At this point the towel is so close to dropping and he is so excited, discretion is term no longer viable in this room. IGUANA jumps up and heads to the door.)

BALD MAN: What? You're going already? That's a short steam!

IGUANA: I need air!

Steam Room: Scene II

Scene II

(IGUANA is in the locker room of the YMCA a week later. I listens to his iPod shuffle and sits on the bench bobbing his head up and down. The MAN enters the locker room and looks around warily. He approaches IGUANA who looks up and nods shyly towards him.)

MAN: (Smiling and quietly.) Hey, it was great to taste you the other day.

IGUANA: Ex--Excuse me? D--Do I know you?

MAN: (Looks around to make sure no one is listening in.) The steam room, about a week ago.

IGUANA: (Remembers immediately) Oh...Oh...Yea. Hi.

MAN: So I have a question for you. Would you like to buy me a drink sometime?

IGUANA: (Hurriedly) Listen it was really hot. I don't normally do that, I just thought it was exciting and you are cute...Excuse me? (Laughs) This is the first time I've ever had an older man ask me to buy him a drink! (Laughs to himself.) Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I just can't afford a drink for myself right now--

MAN: (Asks this question when IGUANA says 'myself'.) Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: Pass that by me again?

MAN: Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: (Looks around) The drugs? Well, sir, whose name I don't even know. You have to be a little more specific. And another thing, I blew you in a steam room. I wasn't asking you on a...

MAN: Pot is absolutely fine. E is tricky, but okay. Coke is the same as E. Shrooms and acid are cool, but must be done in proper situations. (Beat) Meth is the DEVIL! If you do meth, I'm sorry but we can't hookup in the steam room anymore.

IGUANA: (Pauses for a long moment) Hi, have we met yet? I don't know if I'm on the same page as you? What exactly did I do that warrants me this anti-drug talk from someone I just blew--

MAN: (Matter-O-Fact) When we were in the steam room, I noticed your pupils were dilated. So I want to know. Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: (Raising voice a little) What is it with THE drugs?! (Catches himself) And I don't even know your name! Since you're being so upfront, I'll try to return the favor. I have done everything, I have tried everything. While some drugs I do more often than others I am not a tweaker! Yes, I smoke pot regularly. At that moment nothing was in me when I was in the steam room. So I think that covers the ground base area. So if you're excuse me--

MAN: Do you want to do E with me?

IGUANA: (Lets out a loud laugh, which causes the MAN to become nervous) You're kidding right? Is this a test? Like if I say yes you'll walk away and if I say no you'll continue to entertain me?

MAN: (Misses the joke completely) No. I'm serious I've been wanting to do E. I'm okay with E.

IGUANA: (Pauses for a moment then shrugs.) Sure I haven't done E in a while--

MAN: Do you know where to get some?

IGUANA: Well, with all my drug connections, it'll be easy (Beat) NO! Of course not!

MAN: Oh. That sucks. Well so about that drink?

IGUANA: (Looks around without purpose) So are you for real? Or am I being punished because I broke some divine steam room law?

MAN: Huh?

(Blackout)