I want to go to a Pokemon Tourney

Brought to you buy Penny Arcade, love that comic!

Iguana's Recovery Day

Work has been frying my brain. It's been long and intense. It's hardly felt like a REAL summer vacation. I guess this last summer was the beginning of the end for "School life" and I refuse to give into it. I mean I do small things. Very interesting small things. And last summer was just plain insane. Nothing could top that summer.

I just feel as if I've become incredibly boring and unmotivated to be adventurous...

Calm down, just because you don't want to have sex doesn't mean you're boring. It means you've balanced out. You're finding out you're more than a pretty face and a nice body. Though people like to remind you with their comments.

No one is laughing at me mama, because I'm the first one to laugh at myself.

In other news. Amongst other people who hate Harry Potter, I am reading it and it's become the biggest enjoyment in my life. My slow, humdrum life. Now I feel that I should say, I don't think Harry Potter is good writing. But it's rare that such a sensation comes about. So I'll read it willingly. Take that and the fact that J.K. Rowling has followed my life in her book releases. She released the forth in 2000 when I turned 15 years old. I read it quickly after and stopped reading Harry Potter for 7 solid years. While I waited for this one. Which was released on my birthday party on July 21st. It's written in the stars really. The seventh month, after seven years in the year of '07.

This entry was supposed to go somewhere, but I've lost my train of thought. So I'll end it here...

Iguana Rose Lee

Tonight I will wear my jockstrap....

Sometimes, I have feelings, deep down inside that tell me to do things. Saturday, was one of those days. I spent the day doing nothing. As my entry reflected. The night is where I begin my tale.

I'm a pretty girl mama.

I have a wonderful drag queen friend who I just made recently. She has introduced me to the night life of the gay NY scene. It's been a blast going out with her and her group. What's old life to them, is new and exciting to me. This being her birthday weekend I decided to join her for a little birthday bash, some free liquor and a fun time. I was feeling horribly sad during the day because my life works that way. But, that's a story for another night.

I got ready for the night and as I choose underwear something said to me, "It's humid out, it'll be easier if you wear the jockstrap tonight. So I followed that voice. That voice that has lead me into many interesting situations so much in my life.

Tangent...

Tonight I saw Patti LuPone's Gypsy fully through and it was GRAND! More than grand, it was just amazing. Patti has got it. You either love her or you hate her. And I LOVE HER.

At this club they had a hot body contest. I really didn't want to join. I didn't intend to join. I wasn't going to join in. It's not my thing. I am good at being naked with one person in the room...or maybe seven. But, not a club. Besides the prize was only 100 bucks.

Patti was not the only amazing person in this show. There was also the amazing cast that supported her. It was like a meeting of the amazing talents. Boyd Gaines, Allison Fraiser, Nancy Opel, etc. It just went on and on. Each number entertained to no end.

I looked at the competition. A drunk, DRUNK girl. A fag who had way to much confidence and too much flesh and a girl wearing a cute dress. She would be my biggest threat. I wasn't nearly enough drunk to do this, but my friends insisted I do it. And I have always been one to take up suggestions.

One of the better moments of the night was Dainty June and Louise's duet If Mama Was Married. It was thrilling. I have never seen June played so darkly and hateful of her life. It really made the character interesting. I was in love with her for every moment. Other amazing moments included, Everything's Coming Up Roses, Rose's Turn and Gypsy's Transformation Sequence...

So I stood on the stage in just my jockstrap. A bar filled with onlookers watching. It was probably 65% straight and all I could think was, "How can I win this if the guys want to see this girl's tits?" It was at the Drag Queen host's request that she told me to turn around. Where she gave me a hard slap on my ass and the crowd went wild.

Rose's Turn was a fabulous breakdown scene and Patti played it to perfection. The audience in unison, unison I repeat. Immediately stood up to give her an amazing standing ovation. It was perfection and amazing to just be part of. Then the show ended and up comes Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents. Two...no, three living legends on stage at once. Correction again, so many living legends on stage at one moment.

We had three different recounts. People cheered loudly for me, people cheered loudly for her. I was shy, she was drunk. I followed in the art of Gypsy Rose Lee and "lowered a strap" but still left the audience wanting more. If I'd been given better music I almost guarantee that I would've fit the role perfectly.

After seven curtain calls. The audience refused to leave and for good reason, right? We didn't want it to end and I wanted to stay in that moment forever. Just keep screaming and cheering for the perfection that was on stage. I wanted to live my life through Patti's voice. I wanted her to keep singing Rose's Turn one more time so I could put it to memory and hold it forever.

Unfortunately, it was a tie. When the straights are on the sides for breasts, the fags have to work harder. I think I set some kind of fun standard again since my friend said that females always win because there's more drunk straight men there. I won 50 bucks. The easiest money that I'd ever made. I found a gimmick in just following that voice in my head.

The best part of my night was when Patti (during the final curtain call) pulled out a camera and took photos of the huge standing ovation that refused to leave her. It was truly flattering that she feels overwhelmed by how many people love her. I wonder if Grey Garden's had the same effect. Oh wait there's no numbers in that show that could possibly move anyone. Whoops.

It's funny how my life parallels the theater I see sometimes.

Let me entertain you...

Iguana Is Being Lazy...or Depressed?

So today has accomplished nothing. I had the opportunity to go to the beach this weekend from two different parties. No, no. I passed those up to do, God knows what. As a result I look around the room and realized I have done nothing. Absolutely, nothing.

Summer vacation, what is that?

Last night I had a slight nervous episode. All my body felt was tired, yet all my mind felt was busy. I went to sleep and immediately passed out for exactly one hour, only to wake in sweat and feel like I had received no rest at all. Then I proceeded to sit on my computer and transfer more music to my external hard drive.

This hard drive will soon hold a wealth of musicals like no one can imagine. I have 20 GBs on it already. Approximately a months worth of music is on my computer. You could play it for a month straight and it wouldn't repeat one song. Needless to say I only have 10 GBs of space left on my computer!

Moving along...

It was after midnight and a full moon is nearing. This means two things, I am going insane and I am turning into a werewolf. Certain people spending the weekend with me next week will be happy to know that after this weekend, I won't be so emotional. I can only say it was a wise decision to separate myself from humanity this weekend. After the emotions of last weekend and all that.

"I don't know what's happening to me. I seemed to be unraveling. "

I'm sitting here thinking about The Hours and listening to Edith Piaf most intense songs. I am doing this while I am in my "right mind"

I feel that my nervous breakdown shall be grand and magnificent when it does come.
(And if I am lucky enough to hear music, it will probably be Edith singing at full force.)

Okay, I'd like to get something clear here. I know that I am dramatic. It's slightly my personality, but it's also for show. I admit a lot of it is who I am. But I am going to give everyone a warning, a severe warning:

If I am online and it is past midnight and I haven't slept well...scratch that...if I am on past midnight in general. If you see me online and decide to IM me, be aware for what shall happen could change your view of me drastically. Since I can't tell what you are feeling, I shall tell you what will be going on my side of the computer.

I will be listening to something to intensify my dramatic mood. I will not be wearing my glasses and I will be reflective. Also, I guess I can't control myself, but I am bound to bring up any issue I have with you. No matter how small, it will surface. I don't know why I do it. I may know it will create problems, but yet it'll be brought up.

Like clockwork, I was speaking to a friend online. This Sunday he told me he liked me more than a friend. It freaked me out. As often the relationship stuff does. Since then we hung out one night, but I was getting these weird signs. He is the guy who I like has a friend and is perfect for me, because he can take my insanity. As usual though I don't feel a click yet. So instead of just chatting, it was now 1:30 am and I was online. With this in the back of your minds can you guess what happened?

I say, "Why did you tell me you liked me? After I repeatedly told you that I immediately become a mess when I know these things." Thus, creating an interesting situation to my late night. Granted here were the signs I had of him being weird:

• He texted me everyday at the same time asking me how my day is going. When he knows well that I was working over time at work and it was the busiest week of the month. I'm sorry but that's what I want my boyfriend to do. I can only say, "Stressed." Or, "Busy." So many times.
• He told me a friend of his IM'd him saying, "You've been spending a lot of time with this Craig guy haven't you." This ultimately set me off to freak out. Why are you telling me this?? I already told you I can't date you right now, but you're telling me that your friends assume we're dating? So I responded in a passe manner and he started to read into the issue it seemed, "Why did you say this..." Kind of questions.
• He told me when we saw Hairspray and on my birthday that he wanted to spend the night with me.
  

Regardless, I was freaking out. It happens. We discussed it and got into a weird, weird conversation. I opted for bed and left him in the dark. I called him this morning, in my right mind. I apologized and things are good again. It's difficult, very difficult.

Last night, during my insomnia I laid in my bed looking out the window at the silhouettes of the trees. I took in this moment, determined to remember. I have never seen something like that and it's almost impossible to describe. My body felt filled with a strange euphoric feeling, just know that.

Iguana Is Opening Doors

After my last entry that was obviously filled with blood lust and vengeance I have calmed down a little. I am going to be a bit random today so follow along, okay?

I am fully submerged back into the world of Harry Potter, Hogwarts and the fight against evil. It's a feeling I haven't felt since 2000 when I read Goblet of Fire. 7 years is a while to be away from Harry Potter, but it's very nice to know I am back in the gist of it. Speaking of that the big joke with my and friends is that the other day I asked my friend if he took the sorting hat quiz on the official Harry Potter Site and he told me he was in Gryffindor. And I said I wonder which house I would be in. He (being a huge fan) looks me and smiles and replies. Hufflepuff. I laughed because everyone knows Hufflepuff is the least popular of the houses. So needless to say I took the quiz and was Hufflepuff. He laughed hysterically. But, I'm determined not to let this get me down. Actually it doesn't bother me at all. The way I see is. You'll never be more famous than Harry Potter if you're in Gryffindor, you're evil if you're in Slytherin and I'm not that smart to be in Ravenclaw. So Hufflepuff allows for me to excel amongst those around me...

Oh my Good lord...that was EXTREMELY geeky. Moving right along...

Let's go back and pretend that I never EVER spoke of Patti LuPone. So I can say excitedly: I'm going to see Patti LuPone in Gypsy this Sunday! Yea, how lucky am I right? The best thing is it's the final show, which means Patti will obviously want to make it memorable. It's gonna be memorable. Despite what all the douche bags in that asinine message board say. Yet I still read it, hey, Cancers born on July 8th are prone to reading trashy gossip. That's probably why.

I have been working ten hour days this week. Which have left me tired and not very social. Or very anything for that matter. Just enough energy to perform basic functions, as well as read my book.

Side Note: Someone (who shall not be named) pointed out that my grammar is terrible. Now, you would think I'm not aware of this would you, but actually I am very aware of my terrible grammar. In fact I think it was about 7 years ago since I decided that worrying about grammatical stuff is not my job anymore. I write how I speak and think. Coincidentally, I do not speak or think in proper grammatical terms either. If you could see inside my mind, the last thing you'd worry about is grammar.

What's more important about this little comment that this person made was how it set me off. I'm not mad at him specifically, but sometimes I wish people would watch what they say. We all make mistakes and say things that to us mean nothing and are just a small social comment. But, sometimes those comments will tear at the very fibers of the people we say it to.

For example, in his saying, "Your last entry was hysterical, I rarely laugh out loud at blogs." and then followed with "But, your grammar is terrible." I had a small episode of my childhood right at that moment.

Growing up I wanted to be a writer so badly. Before I wanted to be in theater even. I wanted to write. I wanted to write trashy horror novels. And you may laugh but there is a REAL market for horror novels out there. Hello, Stephen King. By the time I was in 9th grade I had written trilogy that resembled the Scream movies To which I was so happy and thanked him and he simply replied, (they were of my OWN creation, just in the style of the slasher genre) that each one was approximately 60-90 pages in length. And a full length novella that was a Sci-fi/Horror/Freddy Kruger-esque, it was called Phobia.

I was very into writing I loved to sit at my computer and just type away for hours. Watch the sunset in my bedroom was I knew I was creating. Isn't it wonderful? Well, all it took was those lovely people. Susan from [Title of Show] calls them "Vampires." I'll admit they got to me.

Your grammar is terrible. You switch from past to present tense to much. You need to stick to one.

End of dream of being a writer, then and there at 15.

End of Side Note.

Joni Mitchell isn't my favorite singer by far. Her album Song To A Seagull though is really changing my life in a small way. It's truly beautiful and yet no one seems to know about it.

I can't go back there anymore, you know my keys won't fit the door. You know my thoughts don't fit the man. They never can, they never can.

Truly beautiful on the ears. So I've been thinking, as I often do (if successfully I'm not sure anymore) and I have come to the conclusion that I have what it takes to get the man. I have the looks, I have the smile, I have the body and I have the eyes. But, do I have what it takes to keep the man? At one time I would say of course. Nowadays, I can't assuredly say that. It's become a funny joke that I have all these first dates, I tell people that I go on SO many first dates. I say it with a great big smile. They laugh, I laugh.

It's just a thought to ponder, really.

I can't go back there anymore, you know my keys won't fit the door. You know my thoughts don't fit the man. They never can... They never can.

We Are Amused...but it doesn't take much

Brilliant!!

Haiku2 for eccentriciguana
to make myself laugh and that can be viewed as vain but honestly
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.cominsanejournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

Iguana Says The Beat Goes On...

After waking up from my party and still wearing last night's face. I called my Gentleman Caller bordering on tears. I'm not going to go into it, but it just happens that way. My equilibrium was thrown out of whack and I needed something to put me down to earth...

So this is what it's like being sober??

I did nothing really special on Sunday. I had to recoup from the party and all that. Though I wasn't wild in the least. It was a day for the GC and I. We saw Metropolis, perhaps one of the greatest movies ever and one of the campiest musicals too. It was very nice to see such a thing on the big screen.

I then went to Virgin (as usual) and I discovered my love for Joni Mitchell, by way of Betty Buckley. I bought my first CD that refuses to load on my computer. That came as a shock.

I had a king...

So I finally got to tell off that guy. The one who drove me emotional mind in circles. He IM'd me again and I told him it was my party this weekend (to which I invited him) and he spat out he had company this weekend, even though he said he'd come. I simply replied with, "It's okay, no need for excuses, I knew you wouldn't come."

Then he crossed a line...

Side note: Against popular belief, I am in fact a VERY bitter person.

He said, "I don't know why we never hung out again...it's probably my fault." Well since you opened that door yourself, guy I may as well let myself in. I told him yes it was. I said that after our last meeting I decided to myself that it was up to him to make the next move because I felt like I was becoming a nag and I didn't want that. He told responded with that he doesn't know what he wants and I simply said.

Yea, I sort of figured that out on my own.

As the conversation moved along he mentioned sex and how he hadn't had sex in three weeks. Hmmm. You're really going there with me now aren't you? Well I may as well tidy up the place while I'm here.

I said, "Well, that's funny because having a fuck buddy sort of negates the whole dating conversation we had before." To which he tried to explain how no you can have a fuck buddy and still date people. If the dating got more intense, he would call the fuck buddy off.

Hello, my name is Medea. I just killed your bride...not enough? Where the FUCK are those kids?

Is he really going there? Really? My response is something along the lines of, "Really? Well let me give you a small example of how I don't believe that. What if you're say dating someone who is taking it slower and you have a fuck buddy on the side. What happens then...OH WAIT I just answered my question...You never asked for a third date."

But, he couldn't just agree, he started rambling on about how that's why he didn't call me back, he didn't want to date...

Oh, so we're bringing this back full circle are we? You want to bring it on home you STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!.

Seriously, keep your stories straight. I don't even feel bad about this because he's just contradicting himself. I told him that I sort of caught on to that. I may be slow, but I'm not dumb. So I tell him, he's spouting out bullshit (but much more politely of course). When we had that conversation he said he wanted to try dating. I told him that I don't mind that. I asked him directly, you want sex. I can do sex. You want dating, I wouldn't mind that either. I would just like you to define some idea of what you want.

In short, don't fucking cuddle me the way you did and tell me you want sex afterwards. It just pisses me off. God damn fucking passive Tops. What USE are they, I ask you?

So to end the conversation I say this, because I am the way I am:

"Well, now I know you're just looking for sex. That's great to know, next time be more honest with yourself. As I said before I can do sex. And I would definitely like you have sex with you sometime. I'm not upset, just want you to get your story straight is all...So if you are ever in the mood let me know."

To which he said he's keep that in mind.

FUCK YOU. This train left your station a while ago and it is not coming back!!!

And that is how I get closure.

I have to finish Harry Potter first, but I can't wait to read THIS Trilogy!

Iguana Will Take The Roses...

Let me tell you a story, a little story...

Once upon a time a woman naked J.K. Rowling wrote a book that would someday become the greatest financial success in book's history. Or that's how it seemed last night...

The end.

Last night was an introverted night for me. I stayed home and looked at porn twice. I also took an hour to prepare myself for the events to come at Midnight. I myself am still on Harry Patter 5, so the 7th really doesn't interest me yet. It will come August or something. Around 10:30 I took to the streets and walked to the local Park Slope Barnes and Noble. Walking down my streets always makes me smile.

The tree lined Brownstones, the lamps and the beauty even in the dead of night. But last night was different, the streets were abuzz with little children, wearing cloaks and carrying wands. They ran up and down the streets. It was a beautiful sight. The Barnes and Noble was even more beautiful too.

It was filled at 10:30 with people moving up and down the bookshelves, sitting and reading books. Kids hands were filled with books, not just the release of this one book. More kids were dressed as witches and wizards and ghosts and elves and any magical thing you could think of. There were even Voldemort lookalikes walking up the aisles. Good and evil under one roof.

I was touched and felt what Time Magazine called, "The Magic Moment" even upon me. I felt the buzz, the excitement of this book. At 10:45 I did the only thing I could think of...

I went to the bar down the street for a drink...

The local gay bar in Park Slope is so quaint and nice. I walk in and immediately feel eyes upon me. It's okay, I'm getting used to it. Flirting seems futile. These are normal gay men in their 30s who don't necessarily find the idea of taking home a 22 year old appetizing. So I sat there, sipping my Cranberry and Vodka next to an older woman who I give props to for going to the gay bar and knowing it!

I tried my boldness and spoke to a man with a beard and tattoos. People with visible tattoos are naturally nicer than most people. Correction, they are easy to strike up conversations with. It's logical since these are people (and myself included) who are wearing stories on their body for the world to see) They are used to people coming up to them, so in a setting where attraction is also key they are easy to speak to. Don't believe me, come talk to me at a bar.

To further that notion, we've also learned to be polite when people ramble. We listen as well. Oh the trials and tribulations of people with visible tattoos!

So we chatted and as usual he asked me age and I told him 22. It was inevitable that it would happen seeing as he kept saying things like, "When I was 17...a thousand years ago..." or "I did that when I was 24, which was forever ago." So I knew he wanted to know. When I told him things got strange, cause he was sitting there, watching me thinking God knows what. Thank God I had the Harry Potter thing at midnight, so at ten minutes to 11 I made my escape.

Suddenly all the independent bookstores, the Barnes and Noble and anywhere that had Harry Potter had lines down the street. It was amazing! I loved it.

I wish I had more time, but the party starts soon and I must get ready...

The real fun begins now...

Iguana Has a Moment

I saw Hairspray at midnight last night. Yes, I am that kind of guy. I don't even hold any sort of allegiance to the original movie or musical. Just was curious and knew I'd see it eventually. The dance numbers are phenomenal, but the movie lacks something...SOMETHING! I can't quiet name it yet. Everyone was good, in their own special way. I fell in love with the girl who played Tracy. She was adorable.

Now onto real thoughts...do I have any of those REALLY?

First off, since turning 22 I haven't had sex yet. As a 22 year old. Um...what? Not that I'm complaining, I am making a general statement. It just seems weird. Like prophetic. Who knows. It's not like I've been looking for it, and the options have presented themselves, I just haven't jumped. Does this mean I am growing up? Or that I have no drive anymore? Or I am looking for love? Just love, simple love.

hahaha...HAHA. I'll believe it when I see it.

This summer is so much more different than last summer and I don't necessarily hate it. While last summer was filled with amusing stories and awkward encounters and 24 hours of loving. This summer is filled with self reflection, calmness, and getting to regain my composure as a human being. It just seems in this fast moving place that if you aren't always living a life on the edge, then you're missing out. Yet again that could only be a mean rumor someone told me to keep me on my toes.

Which leads me to my next issue...Do I have issues anymore?

Since turning 22 I have this fleeting feeling that I'm suddenly going to age drastically. I know this is stupid and vain to think, but I never claimed to be smart or modest so I'll continue. 21 and 22 are no different in anyway. But I feel if I let my guard down I may look in the mirror and wonder what happened.

It may have something to do with the fact the other night that 21 year old Canadian gave me looks like I was worth nothing to him. It was so vicious, to judgemental. And I sit there thinking, "You're beautiful...and you're hitting on my friend who isn't as good looking as me...but he has a great face for photos." Not that I mean that in a mean way...who am I kidding? I sound like Harry Potter in the 5th book, just bitching away. (forgive me I as that is what I'm reading now and I always compare my life to the books I read...or the musicals I listen to...don't believe me...).

Then today...remember that guy I was feeling strong feelings for in the end of June? The one I actually spent writing entire entries about...

What WAS WRONG WITH ME?!

He IM's me today. And says, "Can I ask you an awkward question?" I tell him no problem and I think, "Oh he's gonna ask me something personal, or deep or hinting that he wants to reconnect."

Instead he asks me, "I know you've had problems with money in the past, so I am going to ask you what did you do to make more money?" Let's analyze this question for a moment, shall we? First off, I barely talk to this kid anymore, he doesn't make an attempt to contact and he's asking me this. Secondly, it shows how oblivious some people are of others around them. I have never had money issues in the past. I have had living situations that were difficult, I have had health issues, I have had stress. But I have never yet reached a problem when my bank account was so low I was looking for ways other than the money in my pay check to get by.

So instead of correcting him and telling him no. I decided to pretend I have had money issues and replied with, "Temping?" Knowing full well he has a full-time salaried job. Then I added, "Donating sperm always worked for me? Or turning tricks on Craigslist." Once again two things I never did, but I did have an old roommate who whored himself on Craigslist...

Just relax dear, I'm about to shake your world.

And he said what fully discredits most people in my mind, because I watched my old roommate turn in circles (mentally and emotionally) when his main source of income was Craigslist Tricks. He replied, "I may just have to do that." And I simply laughed. You have a full-time salaried job. I told him, "Perhaps you should stop going out so much."

I was hung up over this guy?

Apparently his story was that he wrote out a check and thought he had enough money for rent. Well he doesn't. I have a minor solution to this problem, at least what I've learned from his situation in life...

He should ask his "ex-boyfriend" for some RENT MONEY. He told me that he covers all the rent, even though his ex lives with him, sleeping on the couch. I don't care, a couch is more than I had at times and yet I paid rent. Needless to say Craiglist won't REALLY work for him, he's not really got any hot pictures...it's all about presentation on there...not that I KNOW or anything...

The last topic of the entry...do I really write entries anymore?

There's this guy. He came into my life like a breeze. We met a year ago and he moved to the city just recently. Since then he had treated me more sweetly than any guy who has ever had a crush on me. He has that wonderful new to the city innocence that's very nice. He has that upstate friendliness and he lets me talk about musicals for hours and likes to hear about them?

There is only one big issue. I am not necessarily attracted to him on that level. Now I know it's normal to have gay friends. But on July 4th we did have the infamous make out session. Granted we were "drunk." But I flipped out and got nervous, because when I kiss a guy he ultimately turns to stone...that or things just get awkward.

I feel like Emma in Song & Dance: I never really miss him, but I like it when he's here.

The other day he was the friend who comforted me during my hangover. He lets me just spout out theater quotes and make up little ditty's based on musicals and sing them over and over again even though they are lame. Last night he came with me to see Hairspray.

We discussed the kiss and are being very adult about it. Since that talk though I have tried not to show signs that I'm fully interested in anything more than what it is. Two guys getting to become great friends. No more than that. Could there be something in the future? Perhaps.

I have this weird feeling that he will play a big part in my life possibly. It's a premonition only, but I see things. I got this feeling during out hangout session last Sunday, as we walked through Prospect Park, that I would know him until the end of my life.

This frightened me and made me wonder...

End of Entry...

Iguana's Task

I said I would buy the flowers myself...

That's how it all started. The trouble. Well there is no trouble yet. I've always been a party planner in my small home town growing up. I liked to often have small get-togethers. I liked to create situations and watch them brew.

I had a small group of friends and I loved to entertain, bring my friends together. Mostly they were movie nights. I would pick an obscure movie that no one in my small town would ever watch and then show them to my friends. We'd chat beforehand and then pop in the flick. I would then sit back and watch their response to the flicks.

My first movie night I remember clearly. I showed Requiem for a Dream...to my friends...when we were 14. Now, usually a group of 14 year-olds aren't watching that. I'd say something along the lines of She's All That would've been more appropriate. It was exhilarating. It followed with movies like Magnolia, Battle Royale, Blue Velvet and appropriately enough The Hours. Those were just a few of course. There were many.

I once held a marathon viewing of Angels In America (when the Miniseries premiered on HBO) and I made mock-playbills casting the group as the characters they fit. It added a whole new level to the viewing.

There were other nights too. I guess I've always been an instigator, a troublemaker. After years of teenage movie viewing. It left my parents feeling safe and trusting. They probably knew it would amount to more. Suddenly, watching movies wasn't enough. You can ask my small group of friends who's basement was the first basement they got smashed in. While his parents were two floors up fast asleep? The name would be mine.

I felt people needed to explore and why not make it happen. Remember, a life of getting and not wanting.

Of course those years are in the past. I have left those kids behind. I still see them, but we are all growing up, and these little events becomes less and less exciting.

Now on Saturday I'm doing it again. I'm throwing a small get together (18 people have RSVP'd, which is like 8 more people than I pictured!) at Juniors in Manhattan in Shubert Alley. A perfect setting for a party hosted by me. It's a great restaurant in a Theatrical area. But 18 people. A mix of friends from all my walks of life. People will be coming that I never intended to meet. It sort of frightens me, yet I feel honored they'd come.

And yet...

all I can think about is buying the flowers myself!

This Friday as Harry Potter 7 comes out and the world slowly reads. At an independent book store near Union Square. A trick and two ex-boyfriends of my past will all be in this bookstore working a midnight release party. One will be in charge, one will be playing Harry Potter and the third will be Draco...

None of them were ever supposed to meet and yet they will all be together. Will my world collapse. Will I suddenly disappear as the three unite in the same room? Will a lock click and ALL the evil be released on the world?

I want to buy the GOD DAMNED FLOWERS MYSELF!!

The Queen of Vibrato

Betty Buckley is FUCKING fierce.

Seeing her live and she STILL gives you chills and you realize you've been idolizing this woman since you were but a young child, when you first heard her sing And Eve Was Weak from Carrie the Musical.

That's right, my first Betty Buckley song was that and NOT Memory.

Then to hear Memory and realize that even though Cats sucks, this woman is phenomenal. Or to hear her be under used in The Mystery of Edwin Drood, or used just right in Triumph of Love, but to have such talent wasted. Or to hear her Carnegie Hall Concert and to just be blown away moment after moment with each song.

Or to hear her FIRST ever song on a Musical (1776) to be the last song you've ever heard her sing in her eclectic mix and to hear a young version of greatness.

My dream is to somehow see her as Norma Desmond in Sunset Blvd (or get a recording of it somehow). Until then though, I will live with all the great memories I have asscoiated with this woman. Including tonight when I saw her, at 60 years old, and she still blew me away with her voice.

Brava Betty, brava!

Iguana Quick Entry

Last night I went to Musical Monday's at Splash. Basically ALL these musical clips shown in a bar of gay men. Fun times for me right?

No.

First off it's some of the bitchiest men EVER.

Bottoms, bottoms everywhere and not a top to fuck me.

I brought my friend/ex. Who we have a fun relationship. The only thing is, I was there to watch musical clips, he was there to flirt. So he drags over these two guys, well one guy but he had a friend. And talks, but because my friend/ex has ADD he LEAVES me with these two guys and goes to the bathroom.

Excuse me. Of course both of them are like, "We don't even like musicals." So what am I supposed to say to you now? It's like going to Temple and saying, "I'm anti-Semitic, really."

So the night gets slightly more upsetting for me. I find my friend/ex and he has found this Canadian guy who is our age. The kid was rude, REALLY rude. He was snotty, just turned 21, and into my friend and obviously hated that I showed up. So I told my friend I wanted to leave and I did this partially because he was giving me signs he didn't WANT to go home with this guy who obviously wanted to hook up. So I said I wanted to go to Virgin Megastore...

Sidenote: The kid was blabbing about how he save ALL this money, and is backpacking through Europe starting in a couple days...blah blah blah.

So when I say we're gonna go to Virgin he looks at my friend and goes, "FUCK your friend, come home with me..." Then he looks at me, "Oh I'm just kidding."

Oh we're going to get DRAMATIC are we? So I stare him straight in the face and say, "Oh...Well I'm going to go now...I hope your plane crashes on it's way to Europe. FUCK YOU. Goodnight." And I leave to get my bag. I wasn't proud of myself, but I hate assholes who think their the shit. Especially one's who are my age. This is why I don't play well with kids my own age, they're cocky and annoying.

I told my friend, I am sorry I reacted that way, he was just giving me shitty vibes because he wanted to go home. My friend told me that he didn't want to go home and he was glad I did that because he was being a jerk. So I rode home on the subway hating myself slightly because I am obviously not attractive to people my age.

Yes this one encounter brought down my spirits completely. But the good news is as follows:

1. I bonded with this cute gay guy on the ride home over Michael Cunningham.
   
2. My friend called that Canadian guy back and told him off. Which is a big thing for him and made me SO happy.

Hurrah, the world is in balance again.

Late for work...Quick entry done.

Iguana Had a Dream

Listen to me and I'll tell you a foolish, foolish story. A story that I'm not proud of, but must be told. Some of you will laugh, others will cry, and some may just shake their head in confusion.

Since late May I have been waiting to see Patti LuPone in Gypsy. I have been waiting diligently and last night was the night...

well...
would've been the night.

For you see I am horribly disappointed in myself. I would've loved to have sat there watching Patti's vocals work with the show. Seeing Alison Fraiser and Nancy Opel act out their Stripper's song. Watching Boyd Gaines and Laura play great supporting rolls.

Drinking four Vodka infused drinks though didn't allow that. I am not a good drunk, I hate drinking in fact for moments like this. I sat down, and felt dizzy. My eyes were buzzing. I couldn't focus on anything. I looked through my binoculars and just couldn't focus. I listened to the music but was too busy paying attention to not throwing up.

It was in the middle of "Some People" that I decided I would puke.

Some people can get a thrill knitting sweaters and sitting still. That's peachy for some people, but I'd rather puke...

It was as if I were becoming blind and deaf at the same time. I was so ashamed. My friend made the executive decision to take me home. Yes. I left. My friend got a cab in Time Square and rode with me ALL the way to Brooklyn. I was all over. I'm a drunk to be remembered I am sure. I remember hanging my head out of of a cab, dry heaving like the drunk I am.

There was a moment this happened that I thought, "How appropriate to life. I am sure somehow Patti LuPone would be able to say. You were drunk during one of my shows...You're a boy after my own heart!" It kept me sane.

In short I don't want to write more about this, but I feel awful, almost ashamed. I will SEE Gypsy if it's the last thing I do. And it may just be that too.

Iguana Contemplates His Life

After all those video posts, why not be real for a moment?

My mind seems to be buzzing since this Sunday and I can't sit down and THINK about something to say. To much is going through the mind, and it's leaving my very distracted. I am finding myself sitting on the subway, looking off into space with my mouth slightly open and my eyes wide.

Perhaps this is my normal face. I often bare the look of absolute fear when I walk down the street. I like to pretend that I am unaware of my face at all times, when in fact I am never unaware of it. I have to much control over it. My lazy eye, my sensual lips and my expressive forehead. It's all within my control...

Something to be proud of? I ask you?

The other night the sentence, "No wonder you can't keep guys around, you're a force of nature."

crack...that mirror is breaking. Though I am hardly mad at the person who said it, not in the least. I ask myself. Is that a compliment. I know who Alma Winemiller is. I have read and seen plays about her. I HAVE HER TATTOO'D ONTO MY RIGHT CALF!!! I know what happens to those who are forces of nature. They end up burned at the stake or deported and never heard from again.

I have sat in groups of people and heard myself talking and while I spoke I thought, "What are they thinking of me. Are they even listening? Do I sound so utterly fantastic that they could care less, but instead they are wondering when I will stop?" They want me to end my talking so they can utter a small laughter or a that's amazing/terrific/insane. So I can feel the satisfaction that I have once again been heard and understood.

I just finished reading (well I'm only page away) Michael Cunningham's Flesh & Blood. A book that captured my interest and wouldn't let go. Something in Michael's writing just takes me. He did long ago in The Hours and then last year in A Home at the End of the World. But in Flesh & Blood I found a character that I related to complete. I won't say who the character was, because I'm not done thinking about it. It frightened me a little and reading it so close to my birthday, has left me wondering much more than I should.

I've grown tired.

Iguana Walks It Out

Before I make a real entry later today I found this last night, and was absolutely stunned by how well it matched the music.

Three things about this are amazing...


1. Bob Fosse obviously knew what he was doing, knew about beats or something. I find it SO strange that it matches up.
2. I hope this becomes some strange study and Bob Fosse becomes a legend...he is today, but not enough.
3. Gwen Verdon can obviously krump is she so chose to.

Iguana watches a commercial

I would've bought my tickets RIGHT then and there.




What is superb about this 30 second commercial is the subtly of it all. Since I am her die hard fan I will inform you what is going on...

Anita was supposed to perform for the Tonys in 1982 but they cut it last minute because her costume was "See-through" Which isn't true. She wore a skin toned body stocking underneath her other one.

Secondly, she's doing a commercial when she didn't even win the Tony. She's pulling in audiences. Cause her number was stopping the show! Yet she didn't win the Tony...hmmm.

Birthdays come and birthdays go. This birthday has gone. I'm 22. It was quiet and nice. I'm waiting for more replies on my birthday party in two weeks. I don't want to under book restaurant so I'll give it until Wed-Thursday.

That aside I saw Eurydice again and it still is beautiful in my eyes. The people of All That Chat can get me out for their stupid and worthless opinions. However bad they may be I ALWAYS continue reading that message board. Then again my day was made when some little gem posted this about Gypsy starring Ms. LuPone:

"You want tickets for this."

Not if the tempos are too fast, as reported by one poster below.

The tempos were way too fast in the Bernadette Peters revival, destroying the musical values of this great show, and even if I hadn't seen that revival five minutes ago, I'd stay home and content myself with the original cast album (the original original).

Now...

We are ALL entitled to our opinions. But honestly, I ask you. It's a limited run and it's starring a lady that has stayed true to theater for years and years no matter what happened to her. If she sings the song at a faster pace then she does that. Granted it's being directed by Arthur Laurents. You know, the man who WROTE the book to this show. I'm sure he may have a small feel for what's right.

But that's okay queen, if you want to stay home and listen to Merman sing those tunes I say good for you. I'll be seeing Patti this Saturday and I don't care if she sings so fast the show is over in 25 minutes. I will enjoy every minute of it.

Oh speaking of Gypsy, my Gentleman Caller made a sweet gesture saying he was going to buy me tickets for my birthday. Unfortunately, I have my tickets already. I guess he doesn't realize that I'm not very trusting in the terms of others. And in theater I have never waited for someone to take ME to a show. I take people. I did tell him it was a sweet gesture, perhaps one of the nicest a person can offer me.

Moving on...

The birthday was just friends and drinks and more friends. I woke up feeling older. 22 is the beginning of the end, or was it the end of the beginning, or the beginning of the beguine? I can never remember nowadays. It's wrinkles and gray hairs and getting older from here on out. It'll also be more tattoos, more maturity and living life as I usually do. I can't wait for 30, who knows where I'll be then. Check back in 8 years shall you?

I'd write more but I must be off to the city to spend the one gift I got: A gift certificate to Virgin Records. Unfortunately I already bought several CDs on the 7th...I know I'm a fool. As I said I just don't understand people giving ME things, even on my birthday. It's a VERY Cancer trait I learned. Luckily there are ALWAYS CDs that need to be purchased.

I leave you with this birthday miracle. How nice of Nell Carter, Charlotte Rae, Bea Arthur and Punky Brewster to ALL get together to tell me that I am party of their family...Even Nell who came back from the grave mind you. I tell you, 1978 was forever changed when that gal hit the scene with Mean to Me. Holla back Nell!

Iguana Has One day

No, no regrets.
No, I will have no regrets.
All the things, that went wrong.
For at last, I have learned to be strong!

No, no regrets.
No I will have no regrets.
For the grief doesn't last.
It is gone, I've forgotten the past.

And the memories I have.
I no longer desire.
Both the good and the bad,
I have flung into the fire...

It seems to have ended before it began. I called him to make a second date and he is busy this weekend and he asked me about my work schedule...

No, I will have no regrets.

Well I work 2 to 10 most nights...Silence. Followed by a sort of, "Oh..." And as I desperately tried to down play my work schedule I felt him slipping. I bumbled over the phone like a fool. Trying to make it sound like it could, that it WILL work.

I have forgotten the past.

I'm not giving up hope for anything exactly. I'm just playing it by ear. It's hard to work against the normal work hours. It's a hardship we take in stride. But, he's so handsome. This happens way to often I tell you.

And I feel in my heart, that a seed has been sewn.

He left the conversation with a simple, "Let's try to stay in touch and work something out." It was said sincerely I think, but I couldn't help but feel like that was a polite way of saying, "Goodbye my love that never got to be. Our time together was too short."

I have to laugh because everyone keeps telling me I go on dates every other day. And I don't disagree. But, should people be more concerned with the fact that I go on ALL these dates. ALL THESE DATES. Not these dates with one guy, ALL these dates.

It's like nothing I've known.

I still believe that I was made to be a beautiful statute. Just for people to admire and make comments about. Never to get involved with. I know that's stupid and corny, but it's somewhat true.

I will keep trying and seeing what happens. I mean I've still got my friend who I kissed on July 4th, but I like him as a friend more. Yes, I left that story out, no one missed anything. I also an voluntarily leaving out last night's tale. Let's just say the mistress intercepted into another open relationship. I got sleep I guess you could say. Other people's beds. Other peoples lives.

Statutes don't worry about these things. I swear.

I saw the Swedish Cast of Chess last night at my friends on DVD. Goodness. That show is light years ahead of anything. It is goofy, but even in Swedish I still LOVED it so much. They once again changed the entire show. It's funny how each version of that show is always completely and utterly different. One just sort of scratches their head and says, "Oh ok, this way is decent too."

It's still utterly amazing in my mind.

Happy birthday to me soon.

I think 22 is gonna be a good year.

Iguana's Two Days Away

I found these stunning little Erte Letters and had to show them off. He may inspire my next tattoo or something.

The date with the guy I met at the Organic Grocery store went surprisingly well. I think. I knew he was older, and when I tell them of my age I always get mildly pessimistic thinking, "Well now they know I'm just a kid, so of course they're not going to take this seriously anymore." And his shock at my youth compared to his desirable maturity lead me to that belief.

I didn't want to talk about age, but with such discussion topics like, "Birthday" and "Traveling" and "School" then age usually comes into the equation at least once. We had a guessing game of it, I said, "How old do you think I am turning?"

To which he smiled and said, "I'm not sure...25...24? I mean even 23 could be passable."

My eyes grew slightly crossed and I laughed hysterically and said, "This isn't going to be like a band-aid...I'm turning 22." He choked a little and was slightly shocked and then all at once I saw the things I mentioned earlier in the night, click and make sense in his mind.

Of course his age had to come out, I said, "Well you're an architect, you went to grad school. You've been to about 25 countries...Can I feel your face?"


The last part was said as a joke, but I just wanted to feel his face. I guessed 35 and came up correctly. The whole date was surprisingly without much pressure. I laughed, he laughed. The wine tasted good. He knew French and enough about wine to actually know what he was doing while I gave my usual, "3 dollar bottles of wine at Trader Joe's usually suits me." To which he agreed and told me they were good.

I went on a small rant about theater. With wine I had to watch myself completely. I could easily go on and on for hours so I stopped after discussing for three hours. That was a joke.


Then after he paid for dinner. I KNOW! He asked me which train I took and rode with me. We chatted some more, but in the small of my mind I kept thinking. Well this is it, it was nice. He's very handsome and I had a nice time. Perhaps he'll be kind enough like the last guy I went out to dinner with and just never bother at returning my phone calls...Or he'll just lead me on like this last guy and pretend that he wants to continue seeing me...

"So, when am I going to see you again."

Whoa, wait, what?

Iguana's Three Days Away

Swing, hear the rhythm...get hip. Get hip.

July 4th. America got together yesterday to have BBQs, dance in the streets, watch fireworks and get drunk. The four away mark of my birthday is certainly a celebrated time. Imagine what the world will be like on July 8th?

I can probably tell you right now. It's going to be calm. As the dramatic way I am I am now calling this birthday, "The entrance into my twilight years." Which I know is over doing it, but it's fun to say that. Wait until I REALLY enter my twilight years.

I've had a few responses to the birthday bash. 11 so far. The people who are not confirming and not coming, I understand and somewhat predicted. As I said I'm not really upset or hurt. So much as it happens is all I care about.

I saw 110 in the Shade with Audra McDonald again. It was fun to see a show about July 4th on the actual day. I don't know why I cried so much this time. Perhaps it's because her performance was so amazing, she deserved the Tony over Christine Ebersole. Yea I said it. It was truly amazing that her finale Act I number had changed so drastically from when I last saw it. It changed for the better of course.

When I first saw Audra sing Old Maid I felt very moved and amazed. This time I felt so moved I was in tears. Perhaps it's because now I am in a particular gushy mood, being back to normal in my life. I find things like that overly emotional. Who knows

Recently, I have become more aware of the looks I get from people and have started smiling back. As I stated yesterday, it got me a date for tonight. Which is thrilling and nerve wracking at the same time. I'll see where my smile can get me.

So I'm reading this book, 365 Birthdays Interpreted by Michael Knight. It says the following about Cancers...

• Your home is incredibly important to you, and if you are not comfortable there, you can become UNSTABLE. (how REALLY true...remember me 3-4 months ago?)
• You are WARM and AFFECTIONATE and very SENSITIVE.
  
• You're supportive and sincere, and when you love, you love forever. You are quite traditional and like to have set rules for yourself and your family.
• If you feel taken for granted you can be scheming in order to have your needs met. (Um I just proved that like last Thursday)
• In your imagination you are quite bold when it comes to romance, but you really need someone confident and secure in their own identity to make the first move.
  

Weird how all these FIT so well.

Iguana's Post Independence

I should have a sign or warning that says:

WARNING: IF you are remotely interested in this boy, do NOT kiss him...it will have horrible side effects.

I'm a very sensitive person, that someones put a curse on...

More tomorrow.

Iguana Marks His Independence

As I bought organic groceries at my small store called "Back to the Land" an attractive man began to check me out.

My mind began reeling as it often does. Something strange happened this time. I said to myself. Smile. I did. He kept looking and I kept smiling. I back up into an old man and stepped on his toe.

I am so graceful.

When he left the store and I was finishing up my order I thought, "That was fun." Then I exited the store and there he was standing there. My worst test, speaking.

Cancer's may act confident, but when he comes to romance they lack the reassurance. I just read that the other day and it's utterly true.

I stumbled and smiled and probably sounded retarded. I got his number. I called him when I got home.

We have a date for tomorrow night after I get off of work.

Did this all happen before noon? The answer is yes, yes it did.

Looking for adventure? Then smile, it'll come to you.

Iguana's Fears of Life and Birth

I finally finished my birthday invite and sent it out. To the little friends I have in this city.

Upon pushing send, I felt some regret. Not because I don't want to have a party, I'm not afraid no one will come. Isn't that awful? I just have never been good with planning things, and getting people together. This is my valiant effort to do such a thing. Plus, I am mixing friends together, different groups.

But, we're all adults and we shall know how to respond. I forget that most of my friends aren't 15 anymore and they can take care of themselves. I'm simply providing a reason and a place for these people to get together. I shall be me and they shall be themselves. And if their lucky my mother will attend dinner and people can meet the woman from who I was born.

If no one comes, I can live with that as well. I try not to weight to much of my social life as how good of a person I am.

So here's the other deal:

This weekend I had some tea with my Gentleman Caller and I feel slightly bad cause I'm dismissing him for a Broadway show. But it's a Broadway show and I have to do what I must.

In one last series of unfortunate events before The Year of Magical Thinking comes to a close. I called my old scumlord the other day to find out all the money he was supposed to pay me back he isn't going to. Because of these bullshit reasons, but I saw that coming from the moment I moved.

What I love is how when I told him, "It's okay if I moved June 2nd?" He says okay. Then suddenly he goes, "You're moving out June second makes it impossible for me to have someone move in." Then I remind him how I didn't move in until November 15th and he informs me that I AM some sort of weird exception.

In short he fed me bullshit and I just let him flap his fat lips and thought to myself, "I'm reporting you to the IRS or something." There's no way I can get that money back, but I can at least make a note of him to some sort of authority. Even if he DOES pay his taxes (which I highly doubt), he should be called attention to by the authorities.

I live in a lovely area now and this man will one day get what is coming to him.

Iguana Is Holding to the Ground

This Saturday my life was changed, I finally saw a show that I have longed to see you probably 9-10 years. The show was William Finn's Falsettoland. This is the final in his Musical Trilogy. It caused me to do something that I have rarely done in the four years I have been seeing shows in New York City.

I cried. Not just cried, I started to ball and sob. It was so incredibly moving I couldn't help it. Seth Rudetsky says it best:

"I think the show should perpetually be playing in New York. The characters are so rich. There's no hero, no perfect person. All the characters are flawed, and that's what makes them real. And the story is so beautiful. It's about what love really is."

I agree completely with that thought. I'd listened to the Trilogy for years and years. They are very difficult, but not in a bad way. They're basically operas, all singing and no actual speaking. The musical beautiful and fun on the ears and though the shows are all short, it's a trilogy to the fullest. The ending is so sad and the final song of the show is one of the most beautiful musical numbers I have ever heard in my life.

If you call yourself a theater person and you don't know these three shows that make up the Trilogy, then I suggest you find out now. You know who you are.