Escape Upstate

I am escaping upstate. I owe my parents the visit and need to get away from the bad moods this US Open lack of work keeps putting me in. I will forgo the rest of my opportunities to not work at the US Open into a more productive thing like visiting the family.

I do not give my family enough credit and I have avoided most of the summer without spending more than 48 hours with them. I should see them for longer than a hello and goodbye. The whole unemployed thing makes it better and worse. I expect lots of "it's almost November, what now?" Speeches. In the summer there was a sense of optimism, but now as the plants wilt so do all these ideas.

I am trying my damnedest. I just can't be expected to sit around anymore. I may as well go some where I am fed for free. I can visit my sister and my brother. There is a jet ski that needs to be tried out. There's plenty of movies to see. Friends to say hello to.

I do not enjoy the trips home, I shall begin to try though. . .

Futon Paradise

I purchased a wonderful futon from Ikea the other day. The old one seemed to be cursed and would not come apart no matter how much I tried to dismantle it! Then Elizabeth came home and waved her hand and it fell to pieces.

I'm a little pissed off because I was supposed to be selling Ralph Lauren clothing for the US Open this week, but it seems I am not needed. I haven't minded the week off and I've been incredibly active in doing things. I just can't call my temp agency and say, "The work I was assigned isn't being given to me, can I have more work." In one more week this will be through and things shall return to normal. They said next week will be busier and I will be ready!

I may be getting a kitten soon. This is astounding and thrilling news. The Wounded Soldier's cats had five little kittens and he is offering them out. I have 4 weeks to decide this, but I think it will happen. I'm nervous, but I think it could be an amazing adventure. . .

So I have been very silent for weeks because I have been dating. A lot. I don't know how it happens, but I'll go through these periods where men want me from left and right. Then nothing for weeks. I know that may sound like bragging, but in this new era where I am not being a Manhunt whore, a date is appreciated. Even 4 dates at once.

Though there have been multiple men. There are two that have caught my attention. Both similar and vastly different in their mannerisms. There is the Georgia Peach and the Construction Worker. The things they have in common is that they are both from masculine backgrounds. I love my masculine gay men, as a friend says, "Straight acting is still acting. . ."

It's funny because between the two of them there is a tie for who I would rather spend more time with. If I had it my way (and perhaps I will get my way) I would keep both. The Georgia Peach is a beautiful southern boy. He has no baggage this time, there is no small child in sight and he has a good job. He loves weed and doesn't do hard drugs. He's only been out for a couple of years, before that he was "fucking girls". Apparently not everyone comes out at 15, well for those of us who do. We laugh at the idea of that. Fucking vagina . . .heh.

He's been kind and cuddly and then quiet and distance. It's too soon to really decide anything, but he's an Aries, which I've been told is dangerous to caring people like me. I see it though.

The Construction Worker is older [39] but is beautiful too. He owns his own construction company that is green. He has a large SUV and comes from a half-Italian/half-Lebanese family. I will never be invited to a family dinner. He's quiet, but I enjoy the silence. The same goes for the Peach. There's no incessant talking. I can talk incessantly with my friends. He too came out later in life and no doubt fucked bitches before he was officially a homo. Unlike the Peach though he seems to have been around with more men. He was born and raised in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. I find that hot.

Honestly, I find the idea of gay men who still wear baggy jeans hot. They both wear unfitted jeans.

The Peach and I have slept together. It happened suddenly and without warning. It's hot and quick. Dirty and fun. Then we cuddle while we sleep. In the morning he promptly goes to work and kicks me out like a trick. I ride my bike home and wonder if he'll ever call me until to do something.

The Construction Worker and I have not slept together yet. Even though I long too. We've hung out more though. Seen movies, drank until we were funnily drunk, seen movies. Then he drives me home in his large SUV and we make out in his car. I cannot tell if he's waiting for me to invite him up. He tells me there is no pressure. I also have the slight doubt that the moment I sleep with him I may never see him again.

Time will tell with all of these things. . .

There, I have got you caught up with most everything that's important these days. Now we sit and wait. . .

There is Always a Man

I have been absent from writing, this is due to enjoying life. The fall begins and for the first time I don't have to worry about college. I picked up my degree the other day and it's official! I am a college graduate! I graduated Cum Laude too, which I didn't even realize was an honor.

I am working the U.S. Open for the next two weeks. I still don't know if I'm working tomorrow, but we shall see. It will be an experience to say the least.

Catch Me I'm Falling

I would like to record the last few dreams I have been having. My therapist says that they are significant and my unconscious has been telling me something. The last several nights my nightmares have been distressing and though I wake up relieved they are not real, it's still disturbing nonetheless.

1. My first dream is that I am in my apartment. My roommate, our friend who is subletting and myself are in the living room. A giant python is slithering across the floor from inside the radiator into my room. I am distressed and telling the other two we should get rid of it. I mean there's a GIANT FUCKING SNAKE in the apartment! Yet, they do nothing. At one point the snake slithers by me and touches my leg.
2. Alice Ripley's Tony speech is playing from every direction. She is angry and screaming about art. I am offered a job and I say, "That's fine as long as I have a week before the drug test." heh.
3. An acquaintance of mine is trying to murder me. He is a schizophrenic and one personality is nice to me, while the other is trying to murder me. I am the only one who realizes this and I tell my friends and roommate about it. No one believes me, but thinks that the acquaintance has a twin brother who is insane. They tell me he must be the one and I should find him. No one believes that they are the same person.
4. Last night I dreamed that I missed my registration for the Wardrobe Union. I woke up (in my dream) and it was 1. I couldn't tell if it was 1 AM or 1 PM. If it was the day of the registration or if I had slept through the day and it was the next day. I look outside and it's dark and I just cannot tell what day it is.

The last dream was actually a sleepwalking occurrence. On Sunday morning I woke up in my roommates bed and had no idea how I got there. I went into my room around 6 AM and noticed that my bed hadn't been slept in. Apparently I came into the room and was convinced someone was in the apartment.

These have been my dreams. Weird, right?

Moment to Remember

Tomorrow I will be registering with the Wardrobe Union Local 764. It does not mean I will have a secured job, but it means I'm one step closer to joining the union and getting a job. This is how it works I suppose. These steps that lead to what I've been working toward for the last year. It's a slow uphill climb, but I'm getting there.

Childhood Memories

The other day while talking to someone I had a rush of nostalgia. It was odd and surreal, to have memories that I had entirely forgotten come rushing back into my mind.

While I was a young child growing up and moving around from house to house. We had a temporary stay in a camp. The house we were building was not through, but we had sold our old one. So we lived in this camp that was in the middle of the woods.

I don't remember how long we lived in this camp, or why we were even there. It was old and musty. It was far away from everyone we knew, but it was so odd. I do remember sitting in the living room nook. I was reading the comic book version of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. I also remember something to do with being soaking wet, but that is all beyond me now.

The Last Five Years

Today is the day I moved down to Brooklyn and have been living in the city ever since. Hurray!

Country Side

It was a planned weekend, and it was the makings of a short story at best. The Film Critic has moved upstate. I spent the weekend with him, we saw movies and swam in lakes and ponds. I met Sophisticated people and I ate fresh strawberries.

The Film Critic and I have fun content and passionate times together, but where is the warmth? I'm fine with it, that's what makes it such a short story. It's a memory in the making, there really will never be a future in it. I will enjoy it while it lasts. It was a nice getaway and a fun little trip. I got a tan out of the whole thing and to get to know another person.

The Diary of Judas Iscariot

As I showed the list of facts the Dumb Girl at my temp job had written earlier to the two stocky girls and the head temp at lunch. I never expected my betrayal to ever get back to me. Ah, karma.

The stocky duo were dangerously annoying when they were together. The gossip flowed like a deep spring when lunch came along. I was naturally the source of all the gossip because I always kept my ears open and my intuition going. Plus, no one gets to know people better then I do. I let them create the topics, then I set my ears to find out all about what they wanted to know. In retrospect, I never realized that my sneakiness would ever backfire. I made one fatal mistake, I allowed a straight man to get involved.

The Head Temp is one of those people that has douche bag written all over him. I'm convinced he is a repressed homosexual, which just adds to his large file of obnoxious facts. He has a girlfriend, but it's a long distance relationship and he tries to be as witty as me, but fails most often. This makes him being my superior even more difficult, it's my issue with male authority over my life. Naturally I set off on a schemer campaign against him.

He was the ruler and we were the bourgeois! He was the reason this job was terrible and the Latina Woman knew all our faults! He must fall and I was going to lead this revolution, but from the dark. So the story continues on . . .

I was preparing for my speed dating by writing a list of facts about myself and the dumb girl thought it would be fun to write her own list:

Dumb Girl's List—

1. I am 23-years-old
2. My favorite color to look at is green, but my favorite color to wear is black because it's neutral.
3. I like people who are good looking.
   
4. I have/ have had 11 piercings.
5. I think most people are lazy and eat unhealthy.
6. I like to people watch.
7. I love my father, so don't even try to compare to him, because you cannot.

Needless to say, this is the kind of information that the Stockier girls would love. So I saved the list and waited until lunch to reveal my information. They thrived off it and went off, then along comes the Head Temp. I was in such a whirl of success I showed him the list, because I knew he disliked the Dumb Girl. How silly now to not realize my fatal move.

We returned from lunch and I was glowing like a bride to be. Dear friends, karma is a bitch and I will learn this at a later date. I sit down next to the Dumb Girl who is attempting to look perplexed. Before I could utter a word, the Head Temp appears and says:

"So, I saw your list of dating facts." Two things happened between the dumb girl and I in that very sentence. For her, she became confused and for me, I gained clarity. Did this hetero-anal-douche see how this was the first rule of gossip etiquette! Never tell the person who you talk trash about, find out!

"Who . . .Wha. . .?" The dumb girl began, the little thoughts she had were beginning to form.

"Oh, he saw it while it was on the table this morning!" I quickly interjected. Should I take my cyanide capsule now or in the men's room?

"Ahhh. . .Wha. . .t did you think?" She added and I felt calm again, I would have my life for one more day!

"If I heard any of those I would probably run away from you. . ." He added and my eyes grew wide. "My favorite color to look at is green, but I like to wear black because. . ." He quoted and I stood up, my office chair flew back. I held out a pointed finger and screamed!

"That's cause you're a fucking faggot! Shut up you repressed butt pirate! You are a condescending and manipulative homo and I will not let your need to be as funny as me give me away! If you finish that setence, I swear I will leave this office and in two hours! TWO HOURS! The entire city will know you're a queen! Especially that GIRL who you keep hidden in a different state!"

He fell to the ground weeping.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart. . .

It Dawned On Me Today . . .

That if I were ever to become famous, suddenly everything I've written here will seem relevant. Until then . . .well that is just irrelevant.