There is Always a Man

I have been absent from writing, this is due to enjoying life. The fall begins and for the first time I don't have to worry about college. I picked up my degree the other day and it's official! I am a college graduate! I graduated Cum Laude too, which I didn't even realize was an honor.

I am working the U.S. Open for the next two weeks. I still don't know if I'm working tomorrow, but we shall see. It will be an experience to say the least.

Catch Me I'm Falling

I would like to record the last few dreams I have been having. My therapist says that they are significant and my unconscious has been telling me something. The last several nights my nightmares have been distressing and though I wake up relieved they are not real, it's still disturbing nonetheless.

1. My first dream is that I am in my apartment. My roommate, our friend who is subletting and myself are in the living room. A giant python is slithering across the floor from inside the radiator into my room. I am distressed and telling the other two we should get rid of it. I mean there's a GIANT FUCKING SNAKE in the apartment! Yet, they do nothing. At one point the snake slithers by me and touches my leg.
2. Alice Ripley's Tony speech is playing from every direction. She is angry and screaming about art. I am offered a job and I say, "That's fine as long as I have a week before the drug test." heh.
3. An acquaintance of mine is trying to murder me. He is a schizophrenic and one personality is nice to me, while the other is trying to murder me. I am the only one who realizes this and I tell my friends and roommate about it. No one believes me, but thinks that the acquaintance has a twin brother who is insane. They tell me he must be the one and I should find him. No one believes that they are the same person.
4. Last night I dreamed that I missed my registration for the Wardrobe Union. I woke up (in my dream) and it was 1. I couldn't tell if it was 1 AM or 1 PM. If it was the day of the registration or if I had slept through the day and it was the next day. I look outside and it's dark and I just cannot tell what day it is.

The last dream was actually a sleepwalking occurrence. On Sunday morning I woke up in my roommates bed and had no idea how I got there. I went into my room around 6 AM and noticed that my bed hadn't been slept in. Apparently I came into the room and was convinced someone was in the apartment.

These have been my dreams. Weird, right?

Moment to Remember

Tomorrow I will be registering with the Wardrobe Union Local 764. It does not mean I will have a secured job, but it means I'm one step closer to joining the union and getting a job. This is how it works I suppose. These steps that lead to what I've been working toward for the last year. It's a slow uphill climb, but I'm getting there.

Childhood Memories

The other day while talking to someone I had a rush of nostalgia. It was odd and surreal, to have memories that I had entirely forgotten come rushing back into my mind.

While I was a young child growing up and moving around from house to house. We had a temporary stay in a camp. The house we were building was not through, but we had sold our old one. So we lived in this camp that was in the middle of the woods.

I don't remember how long we lived in this camp, or why we were even there. It was old and musty. It was far away from everyone we knew, but it was so odd. I do remember sitting in the living room nook. I was reading the comic book version of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. I also remember something to do with being soaking wet, but that is all beyond me now.

The Last Five Years

Today is the day I moved down to Brooklyn and have been living in the city ever since. Hurray!

Country Side

It was a planned weekend, and it was the makings of a short story at best. The Film Critic has moved upstate. I spent the weekend with him, we saw movies and swam in lakes and ponds. I met Sophisticated people and I ate fresh strawberries.

The Film Critic and I have fun content and passionate times together, but where is the warmth? I'm fine with it, that's what makes it such a short story. It's a memory in the making, there really will never be a future in it. I will enjoy it while it lasts. It was a nice getaway and a fun little trip. I got a tan out of the whole thing and to get to know another person.

The Diary of Judas Iscariot

As I showed the list of facts the Dumb Girl at my temp job had written earlier to the two stocky girls and the head temp at lunch. I never expected my betrayal to ever get back to me. Ah, karma.

The stocky duo were dangerously annoying when they were together. The gossip flowed like a deep spring when lunch came along. I was naturally the source of all the gossip because I always kept my ears open and my intuition going. Plus, no one gets to know people better then I do. I let them create the topics, then I set my ears to find out all about what they wanted to know. In retrospect, I never realized that my sneakiness would ever backfire. I made one fatal mistake, I allowed a straight man to get involved.

The Head Temp is one of those people that has douche bag written all over him. I'm convinced he is a repressed homosexual, which just adds to his large file of obnoxious facts. He has a girlfriend, but it's a long distance relationship and he tries to be as witty as me, but fails most often. This makes him being my superior even more difficult, it's my issue with male authority over my life. Naturally I set off on a schemer campaign against him.

He was the ruler and we were the bourgeois! He was the reason this job was terrible and the Latina Woman knew all our faults! He must fall and I was going to lead this revolution, but from the dark. So the story continues on . . .

I was preparing for my speed dating by writing a list of facts about myself and the dumb girl thought it would be fun to write her own list:

Dumb Girl's List—

1. I am 23-years-old
2. My favorite color to look at is green, but my favorite color to wear is black because it's neutral.
3. I like people who are good looking.
   
4. I have/ have had 11 piercings.
5. I think most people are lazy and eat unhealthy.
6. I like to people watch.
7. I love my father, so don't even try to compare to him, because you cannot.

Needless to say, this is the kind of information that the Stockier girls would love. So I saved the list and waited until lunch to reveal my information. They thrived off it and went off, then along comes the Head Temp. I was in such a whirl of success I showed him the list, because I knew he disliked the Dumb Girl. How silly now to not realize my fatal move.

We returned from lunch and I was glowing like a bride to be. Dear friends, karma is a bitch and I will learn this at a later date. I sit down next to the Dumb Girl who is attempting to look perplexed. Before I could utter a word, the Head Temp appears and says:

"So, I saw your list of dating facts." Two things happened between the dumb girl and I in that very sentence. For her, she became confused and for me, I gained clarity. Did this hetero-anal-douche see how this was the first rule of gossip etiquette! Never tell the person who you talk trash about, find out!

"Who . . .Wha. . .?" The dumb girl began, the little thoughts she had were beginning to form.

"Oh, he saw it while it was on the table this morning!" I quickly interjected. Should I take my cyanide capsule now or in the men's room?

"Ahhh. . .Wha. . .t did you think?" She added and I felt calm again, I would have my life for one more day!

"If I heard any of those I would probably run away from you. . ." He added and my eyes grew wide. "My favorite color to look at is green, but I like to wear black because. . ." He quoted and I stood up, my office chair flew back. I held out a pointed finger and screamed!

"That's cause you're a fucking faggot! Shut up you repressed butt pirate! You are a condescending and manipulative homo and I will not let your need to be as funny as me give me away! If you finish that setence, I swear I will leave this office and in two hours! TWO HOURS! The entire city will know you're a queen! Especially that GIRL who you keep hidden in a different state!"

He fell to the ground weeping.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart. . .

It Dawned On Me Today . . .

That if I were ever to become famous, suddenly everything I've written here will seem relevant. Until then . . .well that is just irrelevant.

Destroying the Tower of Label

It's brilliant, this temping atmosphere. I think it works on a sliding basis. They let you feel calm for a few days and then they threaten you. Today's threat was brilliant and terrifying. . .

We all arrived to work finding out that the Sassy Black girl had been let go. There was a shock in the group, apparently yesterday she messed up majorly. It's like the And Then There Were None. Everyone was expecting her to be booted out, but what terrified me was now that she's gone. Who is next?

The Sassy Black Girl was the "shoe in" for worst worker. I had one personal moment with her really, no two, now that I realize. I'd like to share them with you now:

Moment #1

IGUANA: I'm seeing a guy.
SASSY BLACK: U da top or bttm?!
IGUANA: Excuse me?

Moment #2

SASSY BLACK: We gotta wurk 2getha! We be-so funni!
IGUANA: Are you literate?

Needless to say, I will miss her.

Everyone worked and I had to work with the man from the post office. He is straight and moved here to be a comedian. His hair is graying at 25 and he has a homophobic tone in his voice. He is from Virginia and probably voted for Obama. He is here trying to be an sketch writer. He promptly stopped to chuckle about "Tom Queen" while reading the names. I asked him if he had made many friends since moving to the city in December?

He quickly muttered with, "I have a girl I am currently dating."

I shot back, "That's the only person you hang out with?" He chuckled to himself and then punched me for being a fucking faggot. He wouldn't laugh at anything I said, so we sat in silence for the better part of the 8 hours. Labeling and silence. On top of it all we were at a table that was behind a huge pillar. So we were hidden from most of the small talk from other tables.

Throughout the day people chatted while labeling. Making jokes and texting on their phones. They did this proudly because the Head Temp insinuated that texting was okay . . .The disaster was obviously going to happen, and here I was hiding behind a column. Actually doing solid work! Ironic Gods!

The Latina woman came in, looking pregnant as usual. She promptly yelled at all of us for using our phones. The morale in the room plummeted and everyone stood around like scolded children. Scolded students, when in fact we all were. Newly graduated from college and this the first work we'd had in months. The first job in a year! And we couldn't label correctly? What kind of cruel play was this?

Somewhere deep inside, I chuckled at the Latina woman's poor grammar. But I was behind a pole!? Why must I be reprimanded too? I am not guilty. . . today. What was more interesting was how everyones insecurities appeared. I saw people I've watched for weeks turn into animals. . .

The Head Temp looked like a sad puppy because something had happened in the hall. The Latina women spoke to him and he no longer cocky and arrogant. People's minds and insecurities were running wild. One girl in the group who was quiet and perfect, she always smiled. The entire day felt like anything you talked with her about, she was always agreeing with you. Always being modest in someway. A creature who means no harm to the world, I saw her smile drop. Since she smiles more often than she frowns, her frown somehow curved upward. Still happy for her mistakes.

Another girl's complete insanity came out. The nervous office girl, fearing for her job. She was told this was the only temp job that hires long term! Did the Head Temp name names? She had her phone out only a second before the Latinas entered the room. Was she on the cutting block! She could kill the Head Temp!

People compete in temping? When did this happen?

I took a lexapro and calmed down. It's ridiculous, but it's a job. It's probably just a threat to put you in your place. I keep repeating: I'm a Temp. I have to believe that and not feel like my integrity is challenged because I'm not fit to put labels on a paper. That because I may have been making a small joke to make people laugh and some angry Vice President walked by and wondered "Why is that temp smiling?! They must go!" Then I must walk to my doom, but today I was behind a pole. A survivor of a horrible explosion because of this pole. I was behind a fucking pole not making small talk, not texting and talking softly. The bomb went off and I should have been the one talking loudly, but the other temp homo was. I looked to him and saw he suddenly looked sick.

An endangered spieces! He may be next to go!?

Or was it all some little joke. A warning? We're not a Hive Mind.

The Tale of the Wounded Soldier

I feel like this story should begin with, "Once upon a time. . ." because when I sit and think about what I'm going to write about. Involves a relationship, a small child, revenge, poison and a "mildly retarded faggot. So you'll allow me a moment to open this with that lovely phrase.

Once upon a time there lived an Iguana who lived in the Land of Sunsets. One day he met a Wounded Soldier who carried around way to much baggage. These were bags filled with goodies from all the wars he had been in. There was the War of Iraq where he'd gotten shrapnel in his back and hurt both his knees. This made the Iguana feel warmly toward the soldier. There was the War of the Divorce where he'd gotten a small child and a jilted wife who hated him beyond belief. So much that she'd have him arrested for not being able to pay child support. This made the Iguana a little uneasy, but a child in a different state is a child that the Iguana never sees. Then there was the War of the Homo where the Soldier got mixed notions on what being a homosexual is, a crazy Ex-boyfriend who was hit on the head with a brick and now was unable to tell the difference between wrong and right, and all other kinds of silly things. This made the Iguana laugh because: Who would let that kind of thing into their life?

So the Iguana and Soldier stayed together for a month, living contently. When the Soldier left his immense burdens in the other room, things were good. The Iguana smiled and the Soldier felt content, because a Soldier without an army wife is like an Iguana without an eccentricity. The two cannot exist without the each other.

Then one day the Crazy-Ex boyfriend began to come around more and more. You see the Crazy-ex was gifted . . .literally. He was a sob story within himself. For when the Ex was a young boy someone hated him enough to hit him in the head with a brick. That seemed to have damaged his sense of what was right or wrong. Then when the Ex was a little older he dropped out of school in the 6th Grade. That seemed to have damaged any chance of him being socially adept or remotely tolerable. Then through his whole life the Ex grew up with seizures and brittle bones that broke from even a gust of wind.

Into the woods we go again! We have to every now and then!

With all these problems in his past, the Iguana could not help but feel slightly sorry for the crazy-Ex. The Iguana had a special power though, something that the Soldier in his kindness seemed to lack. The Iguana had the most special gifts of all: Common sense and little empathy.

One day when the Iguana and Soldier were having a picnic, the Crazy-Ex appeared in a puff of smoke. In his hands he had two apples, the Soldier was hungry and quickly took a bite. The Iguana though, slapped the apple from the Ex's hand and yelled, "I only eat organic!" After finishing his apple the Soldier began to sweat and feel dizzy. The crazy-Ex went on discussing his last trip to the land of Divorce and talking to the Queen.

"But you're not allowed into the land of Divorce!" Cried the Iguana to the Soldier. The Soldier remained quiet and let the crazy-Ex berate him more. Then the Soldier began to throw up.

"I've been poisoned. . . again!" Shouted the Soldier.

"Oh my. . .Wait, again?"

"Yes, again!"

"You let a mildly retarded man-child poison you, twice? I'm supposed to understand this? Wait and why is your Ex-bf still hanging out after a month we started seeing each other?! I mean you dated for like two months? What part of his absolutely disgusting and childish attitude did you not catch onto first? Why is he even here offering you edible and drinkable things? Why is there the possibility that he poisoned you. . .for a second time?! And why does he have your ex-Wife's phone number?"

"And I just found out your home address too, one of my Goblins got it for me." The crazy-Ex cackled.

"Excuse me? Okay you know what. I have three rules and they've all been broken in one swift move. First, I don't do drama in my life. I have enough and this, my friend, is a little more than I would ever want to get involved in. Second, I have my own affairs to tend to and as far as your Crazy-Ex is concerned. I don't exist anymore, if I get a knock on my door, I will have him arrested and I don't have any backwater shit for him to threaten me about. You got poisoned twice?! And third, I do not involve myself with people who believe that poisoning is something that enters an equation."

And they all lived happily ever after . . .

The End