The trip went smoothly and as usual it takes approximately 3.5 hours for me to realize that I know why I can't live up here EVER. So it's a nice reminder for when I return to the city. It's almost ridiculous, I feel that if I were to move anywhere else, in the US at least, that I wouldn't be able to take the quiet. I can tell my life would just become, simple.
Problems like scabies, men and shitty living situations.
Would suddenly be replaced with issues like, should I go to the mall today with my friend even though I don't want to buy anything, accidentally taking my Hospital Certificate instead of my Birth Certificate when I applied for a passport and how when I went to the market they didn't have my favorite brand of crackers.
I mean who would ever want to leave the city? Honestly.
This Easter Sunday I am getting my sixth tattoo. I was going to save it until July when I came home to celebrate my birthday. However, due to life way of working I felt I deserved a little more ink on my skin.
It's like a sort of therapy to me. Absurd, I know. How do I justify that idea? This may make sense, or it may sound crazy. But, getting a tattoo of something I find aesthetically pleasing on my body is comforting. Granted I could resent it 35 years from now, when my body is sagging, which I don't believe. I'll always know that at one time I had a reason, even if I forget, for getting it. Or the memory of why I got it will still be there.
For example, yesterday, the Gentleman Caller and I were talking (yes I have reconnected with him) and he told me he had a slight confession to make. I asked what.
He said, "Remember in June/July when we met and had all that fun together, then in August I went to Europe with a friend? Then we didn't see each other for all of September? Then in October sometime we reconnected."
I told him yes, I already knew where this was going...call it a whore's intuition.
He continued, "And remember how I told you my ex-boyfriend and I had broken up in June. Well that wasn't true. He was in Europe for his Law School program and left a couple months early. I had already fallen out of love with him in my mind and I knew we would break up. The thing was his company was going to pay for my trip to Europe too. So in one last effort to make our relationship work, I went and it was [I'm paraphrasing in this part] awful. Then we came back and in September we gave it one last effort and broke up at the end of that month."
He continued on and I sat there and slowly, but surely I turned my head to my right arm and gazed down at Anita Morris, sitting on my shoulder. So after that confession was out of the way the only thing I asked him, and it was more for reassurance/clarification was:
"So let me get this straight, I was the other woman?"
Another wonderful memory added to my Anita tattoo that I'll always think of when I see her. I knew there was a reason she belonged on my shoulder.
The second reason tattoos are a form of therapy is for the pain. This next tattoo I plan on getting on my ribs, yes, imagine the pain for a moment. It's going to be brutal and I am ready to accept that. Why? When I look past the last couple of months, say since I got my tattoos in December. I have had many painful things come and go in my life. The only difference between these two types of pain is the physicality and emotions behind them.
When I sit there and feel the needle pierce my skin, over and over again I can only think two things. First is, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! WHEN WILL THIS END?!" Of course I sit there and grimace, but I never let the pain show. Conditioning, how grand. Secondly what also passes through my mind every time during and after is, "This is what real pain feels like, 1000 piercing needles in your skin over and over again." This is only one small part of your body that is feeling this, you could feel this everywhere and all the time." It may sound insane (as I often am told I am anyway) but I realize that what happens in my life is manageable. Nothing is too much that is can get me THAT down because even if I feel pain at the time, there are much worse pains to feel out there.
So...
With my freaky reasons for getting a tattoo. I'm not going to reveal what it is until I get it (as to save you the excuse for critiquing it and talking me out of it.) I'll give one HUGE hint, however this isn't the image I am getting. Some of you may know already since the actual image I have shown before.
I told the tattoo parlor when I informed them it's probably the gayest tattoo ever, they said, "No, the lady on your shoulder is pretty gay.*" I burst out laughing and knew that I could go through with it.
*My Anita Morris tattoo and this new one are probably both equally gay, so I'm not saying that. But the thing about the Anita Morris one is that she is much lesser known and obscure, while this one new is just blatant. Eh, who cares.
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