In Memorial

Patti LuPone deserves the Tony. End of story. A friend sent me Rose's Turn sung by La LuPone and I'm determined that Kelli O'Hara can't wash enough men out of her hair to win this award over the Goddess that is LuPone! Sure it's a little insane, but she took Madame Rose to her final breakdown. Whatever, if you hate her. That's your prerogative

Yes Ms. Merman, it's not just singing on the down beat that makes Rose's Turn work.

In real news. I have been reading Paula Vogel. And Baby Makes Seven is a production my theater company will do.

Oh, yes I've forgotten to mention that some friends and I will be creating an all gay theater company! Our tentative title is: The Sausage Factory. We will be gay men creating theater. Women will be allowed, but their title will be as HAGS.

Meaning they can participate, but have no artistic say in the process. We're not doing this as a statement, we're doing is cause we're gay! Okay, so the official statement is in the works, but we're hoping that will be included.

Wow, this entry has gone to a different place than I intended, see what Patti does to me. I've started reading Sarah Kane. This shall be a summer of plays I am sure. Along those lines, William Inge is brilliant. A true friend of Tennessee Williams at best! Come Back Little Sheba was sadly missed near the end of February. If you know the circumstances you'll understand why. Yet, when I read the play I missed it much more, because it was brilliance at best. I need to buy the movie, I need Shirley Booth in my life.

In short, I cherish my friends. Feeling loved is nice. Feeling enjoyed is better. Feeling needed is terrific. There is a moment upon leaving them that the loneliness returns quickly. I take a few deep breathes and go back to it all.

I tried for happiness, but I did return to depression.

Internship starts tomorrow. Oh life did shift, how?

A Revision In The Text

Let this weekend of 2008 be known as the best release from college. The friends have been terrific and the foes have been minimal. Creeping slowly through these times, it's nice to finally be learning how to release tension.

I have been to several parties this weekend. It's been celebratory, as if we had all made it through some great despair together. Last night we hung out and we sat and we stayed together. Until 5 AM! This feat is not an easy task to accomplish, especially without artificial stimulants.

We all value the presence of one another. Two years ago I saw these friends and felt left out, I know that I don't feel that anymore. I felt inside as if in their company I feel loved, I feel wanted. Those on the outside can see what they want, I know what I feel.

Tomorrow is another day much like this. I am allowing it and it feels great.

Suddenly, Last Summer: Prologue

It all REALLY began in January of 2006, a new year, a new life, a seed had been planted that would soon change my life forever. Like all seeds, it needed something to get it started, a spark to light the flame....

I'll try to avoid many cliches in the future, specially with some of the topics I'll be covering it'll seem even more tacky. Like a Jackie Collins Novel really. But I digress.

Up to this point I was living in a world of seclusion and naivety. It's hard to explain what happens when you enter a world of different viewing. I was near the looking glass, I knew something was on the other side, but I didn't know how to pass through.

At my old school I felt as though I was in a state of coma. Before college I had two one year long relationships with two guys I thought I loved when I was young. I was always wondering how it went wrong. Well the first one was long in the past so I didn't mind that it ended. But the other was still fresh in my mind. He had cheated on me and it hurt me very much.

It was the idea of him getting fucked by someone else that hurt me. Not so much that he cheated, it was that. That's what I told others too: He had betrayed my trust.

But in reality it was I who had betrayed him. I had cheated first. The only thing is I never got caught.

Before I actually explain how and what happened, the reason I am mentioning this (since it actually happened a year prior to everything else happening) it was the seed that had been planted.

Do I feel rotten that I have lied for almost a year and a half? Yes, why did I do it? Because I'm human and that's what humans do, they lie and cheat apparently. I caught my Ex, he didn't catch me. I wasn't about to be the wronged one. Some would consider this evil, and I'll admit it is, maybe I am evil.

In my defense though I was young, confused and very hurt at the time. If what had happened then, happened in the present things would've been much more different...

I think that's enough for tonight. I wanted to start off with a bang, and I think this is appropriate...

Stay Tuned for next entry...