It all REALLY began in January of 2006, a new year, a new life, a seed had been planted that would soon change my life forever. Like all seeds, it needed something to get it started, a spark to light the flame....
I'll try to avoid many cliches in the future, specially with some of the topics I'll be covering it'll seem even more tacky. Like a Jackie Collins Novel really. But I digress.
Up to this point I was living in a world of seclusion and naivety. It's hard to explain what happens when you enter a world of different viewing. I was near the looking glass, I knew something was on the other side, but I didn't know how to pass through.
At my old school I felt as though I was in a state of coma. Before college I had two one year long relationships with two guys I thought I loved when I was young. I was always wondering how it went wrong. Well the first one was long in the past so I didn't mind that it ended. But the other was still fresh in my mind. He had cheated on me and it hurt me very much.
It was the idea of him getting fucked by someone else that hurt me. Not so much that he cheated, it was that. That's what I told others too: He had betrayed my trust.
But in reality it was I who had betrayed him. I had cheated first. The only thing is I never got caught.
Before I actually explain how and what happened, the reason I am mentioning this (since it actually happened a year prior to everything else happening) it was the seed that had been planted.
Do I feel rotten that I have lied for almost a year and a half? Yes, why did I do it? Because I'm human and that's what humans do, they lie and cheat apparently. I caught my Ex, he didn't catch me. I wasn't about to be the wronged one. Some would consider this evil, and I'll admit it is, maybe I am evil.
In my defense though I was young, confused and very hurt at the time. If what had happened then, happened in the present things would've been much more different...
I think that's enough for tonight. I wanted to start off with a bang, and I think this is appropriate...
Stay Tuned for next entry...
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