Human Moment

Tonight I had a human moment. With a friend who I have known for years, but never sat next to and really talked to. He gave advice and told me about his family life. I understood him for who he was in that moment. It touched me and felt very good and honest. Two people sharing their lives.

Leaving the party was family like too. Kissing everyone goodbye on the cheek. It was sweet and touching. It made me feel warm. I also got a warm feeling when I made it home in record time. Only 8 minutes after midnight. I left the apartment early because I was feeling good in my soul. I wanted to quit while I was ahead.

A Year of Magical Drinking

I drank a lot. It was in a punch bowl and I was thirsty. I hadn't eaten much, but it dehibilitated me this morning. I woke up with the devil in my head and the sickness in my tummy. I would get so dizzy and I eventually puked. Tra-la!

I have class and movie stuff this week. Free work on Tuesday and Wednesday. Oh then to fake classes, I've read some of the articles and books. I am faking it so well and feeling guilty for having used it as an excuse. School is rough, when in actuality it's not. It's all part of the boredom of this life I'm leading. It'll change soon enough.

This coming week is a social festival. Housewarming parties, roommate's birthday, friend's birthday, a school play and other such activities are planned. I hate structured plans, but I intend to complete all of them. I hope I can keep the energy going.

A new attitude. Time for sleep. Early morning tomorrow.

A Faggot Grows China – Part Ten

Paying my dues. Paying my dues. I wonder what will happen now. China is almost done. One final to finish tomorrow and then I'm through. Tonight is going to be a quiet night after last night. I only have to much time so I shall explain.

We went out to a Chinese club last night. I did not blackout, which is grand for me. After many shots of Vodka, dancing dirty with sexy girls. To top it off, I drank myself into a courageous state and thought I saw a gay couple. Of course they flirted and were all fun. I thought it would be fun to dance with another guy. They of course were just European and it just fucked up my Gaydar. Then at one point to make the straight people really have a ball I took off my shirt.

Now I think I have a decent body. I've been told I have a decent body. I mean I'm not perfect. Guys I'm not going to get into this, we've already discussed this repeatedly. Regardless I was courageous enough to be vocal and smiley until the straightest of my male companions tells me, "Dude you have love handles." To which I started to scream and rant.

For that is what I am known for, is it not?

Side note: I am in love with Pink Floyd, why haven't I fallen in love with them sooner? Why?

So I was angry, I don't have love handles. Maybe the lack of gym and the eating has caused that, but after looking in the mirror this evening. I had to FIGHT my old disorders and self image problems because of one assholes words. It's funny because that's all it takes. It angers me so. I will never be perfect, even if I try as hard as I do. Yet, I'll be imperfect in my own special way.

We called it a night at about 3 am. As usual it was my call. Why do I end the night? I seem to be the referee nowadays. We returned to the hotel to find a light on in the room across from ours. The party continues, we figured! When we arrived we found one of our travel mates, drunk as a DOG. A DOG! The head professor, other teachers, students and the bellman with a luggage trolley in the room. There was concern and such and talk of hospitalization.

He was passed out and soon enough he threw up. I being the nurturer and tortured soul jumped to help. No exaggeration. Everyone else kind of jumped back. I of my own volition, I said I would spend the night watching him to make sure he was not going to get into any worse state than he already was. It wasn't me trying to suck up, I just had to. I remembered this New Years and new I had to do my part. I was secretly counting my blessing for not getting caught this way. I would be humiliated. I just stayed in his room and slept on the little fainting couch near the bed.

What makes me realize I'm in such a straight dominated area is how when people find this out. It's not my deed that goes recognized, it's the fact that the FAGGOT spent the night with the drunk guy. Even when he woke up he gave me a confused look, I knew what was going through his head. This is also other people's first responses.

How far we don't come. How far we'll never get.

A Faggot Grows China - Part three

I would begin with New Years Eve/Day as that is where I left off, but unfortunately. For the first time in my life I drank too much. I mean TOO much. For the first time in my life I blacked out, which is obviously not a good thing. I am slightly ashamed, luckily my roommate carried me back to my room and put me to bed.

I didn't even celebrate New Years. There's about 2.5 hours of my life that I have no idea where it went. I have a bruise on my back thigh, hmmmm. I don't plan on being that drunk ever again. I am going to slap my wrists and just be happy I'm still alive and with everything intact.

I also paid for it the next day when I was puking for literally 24 hours. Just throwing up constantly, I couldn't keep any food down. We went to some interesting places, but I truly couldn't enjoy them.

Now we are finally in Nanjing, our main city for the trip. We start classes and I'm trying to figure out how it's working, because the teacher is very lax, but I know I need to do the work. I always have troubles adjusting to new settings.

I enjoy the hotel though, and the city seems nice. Once I figure out the laundry and food situation, I'll be a-okay. I am going to try and run in the park tomorrow. We shall see how that goes.

Otherwise, things have been pretty good. Livejournal won't let me in, thanks to China's censoring laws. Actually, I can't see any blogs, all I can do is post.

Before class I am going to look for gay bars in Nanjing and Hong Kong...I need to go at least once.