We went out to a Chinese club last night. I did not blackout, which is grand for me. After many shots of Vodka, dancing dirty with sexy girls. To top it off, I drank myself into a courageous state and thought I saw a gay couple. Of course they flirted and were all fun. I thought it would be fun to dance with another guy. They of course were just European and it just fucked up my Gaydar. Then at one point to make the straight people really have a ball I took off my shirt.
Now I think I have a decent body. I've been told I have a decent body. I mean I'm not perfect. Guys I'm not going to get into this, we've already discussed this repeatedly. Regardless I was courageous enough to be vocal and smiley until the straightest of my male companions tells me, "Dude you have love handles." To which I started to scream and rant.
For that is what I am known for, is it not?
Side note: I am in love with Pink Floyd, why haven't I fallen in love with them sooner? Why?
So I was angry, I don't have love handles. Maybe the lack of gym and the eating has caused that, but after looking in the mirror this evening. I had to FIGHT my old disorders and self image problems because of one assholes words. It's funny because that's all it takes. It angers me so. I will never be perfect, even if I try as hard as I do. Yet, I'll be imperfect in my own special way.
We called it a night at about 3 am. As usual it was my call. Why do I end the night? I seem to be the referee nowadays. We returned to the hotel to find a light on in the room across from ours. The party continues, we figured! When we arrived we found one of our travel mates, drunk as a DOG. A DOG! The head professor, other teachers, students and the bellman with a luggage trolley in the room. There was concern and such and talk of hospitalization.
He was passed out and soon enough he threw up. I being the nurturer and tortured soul jumped to help. No exaggeration. Everyone else kind of jumped back. I of my own volition, I said I would spend the night watching him to make sure he was not going to get into any worse state than he already was. It wasn't me trying to suck up, I just had to. I remembered this New Years and new I had to do my part. I was secretly counting my blessing for not getting caught this way. I would be humiliated. I just stayed in his room and slept on the little fainting couch near the bed.
What makes me realize I'm in such a straight dominated area is how when people find this out. It's not my deed that goes recognized, it's the fact that the FAGGOT spent the night with the drunk guy. Even when he woke up he gave me a confused look, I knew what was going through his head. This is also other people's first responses.
How far we don't come. How far we'll never get.
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