More working on the Film Short. I was an extra today and my sunburn from yesterday was very prevalent to the human eye.
The straight girls on this film love me. It's what I know I'm good with that I do, actors love me and my supervisors enjoy me. Now it's time to start getting paid for this work.
I went to Gaymer Birthday party. After finishing The Velvet Rage, I couldn't help but notice the room was full of people who were just like it was described. From the 19-year-old meth addict, who was sweet but in stage 2. To the sassy guy who argued with me about my tattoos. Oh it's like being a prophet. Only I can see the truth.
Then there was the moment where in their lack of conversation they would look to me. Cause I can always keep a conversation going. I looked back and said, "I have nothing to entertain you with right now." It made everyone stand there silently, and I felt okay with that.
I had loving friends there though, so that was worth it.
Tomorrow is my Philosophies of China and India final. This is not thrilling, since I've hardly studied. We shall see. I can't fail, I can only pass. Failing isn't written in the prophecy.
Showing posts with label Velvet Rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Velvet Rage. Show all posts
Sunday, May 17
Thursday, May 14
A Trip To New Jersey
The ambien has kicked in, but that's what I need right now. A pill to stop me in my tracks.
Tomorrow I drive out to New Jersey and I have to work on another film short. Once again not being paid. It'll be fine.
I must go to class though, as 6 AM draws nigh.
The Professor of Film is calling me and asking how I am doing. It scares me because perhaps this is something more. Perhaps, I didn't scare him away. Maybe there is a chance something could happen. He also is afraid to hurt me, so he's being a friend.
The Sex-Addict has already mentioned, "If I found someone else, would you hate me?"
Darling, you're more fucked up than I am! And you're letting me down?! Hysterical.
Yesterday, I went to the beach on an unexpected journey. It was delightful. It helped me forget the bad news I've been learning as of late.
Finished The Velvet Rage. . .Girls we've got work to do.
Tomorrow I drive out to New Jersey and I have to work on another film short. Once again not being paid. It'll be fine.
I must go to class though, as 6 AM draws nigh.
The Professor of Film is calling me and asking how I am doing. It scares me because perhaps this is something more. Perhaps, I didn't scare him away. Maybe there is a chance something could happen. He also is afraid to hurt me, so he's being a friend.
The Sex-Addict has already mentioned, "If I found someone else, would you hate me?"
Darling, you're more fucked up than I am! And you're letting me down?! Hysterical.
Yesterday, I went to the beach on an unexpected journey. It was delightful. It helped me forget the bad news I've been learning as of late.
Finished The Velvet Rage. . .Girls we've got work to do.
Sunday, May 10
Time Draws Nigh
The Velvet Rage is almost done. Not for me, but the book. Fascinating, the lot of it. It's obvious, but as the author says at some point. It's not always so obvious at the time. All the anger and hate I've been feeling towards myself. With this book making these issues known, it's helping me actually be able to articulate them for once.
I have two Sunday classes left, one of them being the final for Philosophies of India and China. That's the one final I'm terrified of, I don't know how I'll necessarily pass any of them. This ones gonna be the most difficult though. These two weeks will pass and suddenly it will all be done. With a hoot and a holler I will be done. Five years to get to a point of complete confusion.
In an ironic turn of events. I got a jury summons in the mail. They want me there on the day I walk in graduation. I laughed for a long while upon receiving that one. I'll postpone, but still. Hah!
I had a date on Friday. It was unexpected. I need to go back a few days though . . .
On Tuesday I visited my drag queen friend at a bar where she was hosting the night. It was rainy and empty when I entered. My friend came up and said, "Hi honey, wanna win $50 bucks in a Hot Package Contest?" Of course I said yes.
There was no competition and I stripped down to my undies. I won because it was me against a go-go boy and a mail clerk. Plus, I knew most of the people in the bar, still it was very empty. I could use the 50 bucks. After my lackluster performance I jumped off stage and an older man sitting near my friends was looking at me.
I mentioned I had Judy Garland tattoo'd on my rib cage and the man chimed in that he was so impressed that a person my age would have that sort of tattoo. That night I got drunk so incredibly quickly that I was highly talkative when he began our discussion.
Considering on Monday the Vespa-Rider decided to play the 5th in a long line of reoccurring situations. I was not going to deny a man's conversation. I was drinking and he was incredibly polite. I learned he was a film professor spending some time visiting friends in the city—he teaches in Boston—and he gave me his card. I thought nothing off it. I knew he was probably somewhere in his forties and in the lighting I couldn't tell if he was attractive or not. Plus, I was drunk.
I returned home and went to bed. I thought nothing of the polite gestures and figured it would end there. On Thursday, he called me to talk. It's been a while since a man could discuss theater, film and the arts. I told him I was 23 and I heard him have a small stroke over the phone. I told him not to worry, these things don't bother me.
I figured a date couldn't hurt. We set up plans for Friday. He learned from my stripping that I had a nice body, I'm unemployed and I have a Judy Garland tattoo. So he took me to dinner and the ballet.
Yes, dinner and the ballet. We spoke so eloquently and got along very well. I learned he was 44, but that doesn't bother me, as I said. He was a gentleman. After the ballet we walked around the park and held hands. We laid on the grass and made out. I told him no more that that, I have plenty to reveal in other days.
It was a positive experience overall. I'm taking it with a grain of salt and we shall see.
In other news, I had dinner with The ShyGuy. He was curt with me tonight because of his new medicine. I care about him more than he possibly will ever know. I don't like to be scolded for simple things and I told him, "I'm going home after dinner." He apologized, but it hurt me. He's already so hard to read, I don't need to suffer from anything more. He knows this, it's funny what we feel for ones we care about.
I have two Sunday classes left, one of them being the final for Philosophies of India and China. That's the one final I'm terrified of, I don't know how I'll necessarily pass any of them. This ones gonna be the most difficult though. These two weeks will pass and suddenly it will all be done. With a hoot and a holler I will be done. Five years to get to a point of complete confusion.
In an ironic turn of events. I got a jury summons in the mail. They want me there on the day I walk in graduation. I laughed for a long while upon receiving that one. I'll postpone, but still. Hah!
I had a date on Friday. It was unexpected. I need to go back a few days though . . .
On Tuesday I visited my drag queen friend at a bar where she was hosting the night. It was rainy and empty when I entered. My friend came up and said, "Hi honey, wanna win $50 bucks in a Hot Package Contest?" Of course I said yes.
There was no competition and I stripped down to my undies. I won because it was me against a go-go boy and a mail clerk. Plus, I knew most of the people in the bar, still it was very empty. I could use the 50 bucks. After my lackluster performance I jumped off stage and an older man sitting near my friends was looking at me.
I mentioned I had Judy Garland tattoo'd on my rib cage and the man chimed in that he was so impressed that a person my age would have that sort of tattoo. That night I got drunk so incredibly quickly that I was highly talkative when he began our discussion.
Considering on Monday the Vespa-Rider decided to play the 5th in a long line of reoccurring situations. I was not going to deny a man's conversation. I was drinking and he was incredibly polite. I learned he was a film professor spending some time visiting friends in the city—he teaches in Boston—and he gave me his card. I thought nothing off it. I knew he was probably somewhere in his forties and in the lighting I couldn't tell if he was attractive or not. Plus, I was drunk.
I returned home and went to bed. I thought nothing of the polite gestures and figured it would end there. On Thursday, he called me to talk. It's been a while since a man could discuss theater, film and the arts. I told him I was 23 and I heard him have a small stroke over the phone. I told him not to worry, these things don't bother me.
I figured a date couldn't hurt. We set up plans for Friday. He learned from my stripping that I had a nice body, I'm unemployed and I have a Judy Garland tattoo. So he took me to dinner and the ballet.
Yes, dinner and the ballet. We spoke so eloquently and got along very well. I learned he was 44, but that doesn't bother me, as I said. He was a gentleman. After the ballet we walked around the park and held hands. We laid on the grass and made out. I told him no more that that, I have plenty to reveal in other days.
It was a positive experience overall. I'm taking it with a grain of salt and we shall see.
In other news, I had dinner with The ShyGuy. He was curt with me tonight because of his new medicine. I care about him more than he possibly will ever know. I don't like to be scolded for simple things and I told him, "I'm going home after dinner." He apologized, but it hurt me. He's already so hard to read, I don't need to suffer from anything more. He knows this, it's funny what we feel for ones we care about.
Wednesday, May 6
March of the Falsettos
I'm going to just voice some thoughts. It's more just to get them out of my head because they are not worth dwelling on. It's not necessarily worth doing, but since I began to read The Velvet Rage. Which I love and hate my Australian friend for sending me.
It's a self-help book isn't it? Oh it's going to make me question myself! Damn you! To hell! Yet, it won't be a bad thing, it'll be nice to know. It's already helped my mindset in realizing that I suffer from this alleged Velvet Rage. All homosexual men do, but I seeing that.
As for my current and temporary frustration. It's one thing to have 4 cases of the same incident happen. I think one would variably notice the reoccurring themes, as I do too. Tra-la! It's okay, people seem to spend a couple of nights with me and they realize they never want to end up alone.
So they date someone else.
It's okay, I have terrific friends. So that allows me to keep my figure and I have more emotional love than I can handle. It's this God Damned Velvet Rage. Pointing out these issues, I need to finish this book so I can know there are solutions. I can't deal if there is no solutions!
May The Vespa-Rider live long and happily with his boyfriend. I wish them well and I made a delicious dinner tonight. My nervous energy went into a meal and this delightful little dinner was created from it.
I also slammed my right fist repeatedly against the wall and cupboards several times. Not to any sort of harm that is lasting and I know and respect that it's not "healthy." I am identifying with this Velvet Rage. That's why I need to read to the end of this book.
It's a self-help book isn't it? Oh it's going to make me question myself! Damn you! To hell! Yet, it won't be a bad thing, it'll be nice to know. It's already helped my mindset in realizing that I suffer from this alleged Velvet Rage. All homosexual men do, but I seeing that.
As for my current and temporary frustration. It's one thing to have 4 cases of the same incident happen. I think one would variably notice the reoccurring themes, as I do too. Tra-la! It's okay, people seem to spend a couple of nights with me and they realize they never want to end up alone.
So they date someone else.
It's okay, I have terrific friends. So that allows me to keep my figure and I have more emotional love than I can handle. It's this God Damned Velvet Rage. Pointing out these issues, I need to finish this book so I can know there are solutions. I can't deal if there is no solutions!
May The Vespa-Rider live long and happily with his boyfriend. I wish them well and I made a delicious dinner tonight. My nervous energy went into a meal and this delightful little dinner was created from it.
I also slammed my right fist repeatedly against the wall and cupboards several times. Not to any sort of harm that is lasting and I know and respect that it's not "healthy." I am identifying with this Velvet Rage. That's why I need to read to the end of this book.
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