An Ending Drama

Today has been a strange, but mildly optimistic day. I started it off with another interview at a temp agency. This one was bustling with people and more than the place I went to. My coordinator/guru/giver-of-jobs looked at my resume and asked, "Well, the question is what do you wanna do with your life?" The man was round, shaped like a boulder and had a red face. He looked like he was filled with possibilities to the point of bursting.

He then proceeded to go through my resume and make changes. Move this here, take this out, the title of "financial printer" is a dead term to him. I was a project assistant. I then took tests for my skills at know Microsoft Office programs. I scored 28 out of 30s. I can only type 52 WPM, we call that speed typing in the business.

My round sage lead me around and introduced me to a woman who looked like Barbara Walsh in the revival of Company. A man out of a Mamet play and a woman who offered me a chance at working at the US Open in Queens some August. Just like that! I stuttered and asked her if she was an illusion.

My shoes, they give me pointed toes. I look like the devil come down to Georgia with them on.

From the Temp Agency I went to the GMHC to get my free lunch. I stripped off my work shirt and wore a tank top. I seem to be into this idea of being trashy, but I don't think I look ridiculous. A man then asked me if Anita Morris presided on my arm, the discussion began and I smiled. Piano music played in the background, something by Gershwin.

I went to a second job search and met the opposite of my round wizard! A small black lady, but with lots of sass. She seems to be new to social work and wants to do good for all. It's a positive match.

I moved on to the YMCA and saw the cute trainer naked in the locker room. It's the little things in life these days. I think that's a good sign too, I'm hoping at least. I went to therapy and spoke of something that I have been milling about in my mind. I'm not ready to open it up to the world yet.

Then I returned home and listened to some Barbara Cook and played some Dead Space. Those things don't necessarily go together.

It's Difficult to Be Famous

Anita Morris is not a phrase you often hear out loud. Her name spoken is like hearing wind chimes, it takes me back to a better place.

I was going to see Equus with my good friend and we were in the second to last row of the mezzanine. Behind us were three out-of-towners—those kind of girls—who attended the show with all intents and purposes of seeing Harry Potter's dick from the last row of the mezzanine.

We had the unfortunate luck of arriving 25 minutes early to the show. I only need to be in a theater for a maximum of five minutes before the show. Tonight we had 30 minutes (for shows always begins 5 minutes late) to mingle with the people around us.

I was trying to talk to my friend and I stopped abruptly when the excessively gay usher in his 50s said. "Who's that on your arm?"

Let's stop for a moment as I explain. I love Anita Morris, I love that she is tattooed on my arm. I love to explain it to those that will understand the tribute behind it. This was not going to be one of those moments.

I looked to my right to see that the 3 ladies were interested as well, "Yes, who is that?"

"It's. . .Anita. . .It's a Broadway dancer." I quickly responded, for anything more and their heads my have imploded.

"NO! That is ANITA MORRIS!" The Usher quickly spouted out, making sure I was not escaping so easily. "Well my God! That is Anita Morris! Look at that!" He clicked on his flashlight and began shinning it on my arm. "Anita Morris! I know her! Charlie. . ." He said trying to wave down an usher in a different aisle. "Charlie! It's Anita Morris! Yes, Anita Morris! Tattooed on his arm. . . That's right!" His flashlight still shinning shoulder, however at this point I was so red the light wasn't necessary.

"Who was she?" One of the three women asked.

"She was a dancer on Broadway. . ." I saw their eyes glaze over. "She was sexy. . . Nine the musical? She. . .curves. . .Raul Julia. . . Ovarian Cancer?" I knew that anything I said sounded like the Sex and the City theme song.

"I love her! I can't believe she's on your arm!" The usher kept spouting out, he had given up seating newcomers and instead would take their ticket and say, "Look at that! He has Anita Morris tattooed on his arm!" I threw my head back and laughed. How could this moment get more weird?

I realized that my head was still starring at the girls behind us and they thought I was listening, "I used to choreograph musicals in high schoo--"

"So did Bob Fosse, Jeremone Robbins and Michael Bennett. I like their stories better." I replied and turned back to my friend, ready to return to normalcy. Before I got a word out I heard.

"What is she up to these days? Oh, I love her!" His face glowing.

My friend took this moment to whisper into my ear, "You've found your soul mate. The man who can identify your tattoo. You will wed." My face turned a pale shade of grey and I realized what I had to tell the usher now. . .

"She is dead." There was a silence as the usher let in a quick draw of air. A mother finding out her child died on the battlefield, he had to keep up appearances.

The weight of the situation was quickly alleviated when one of the threesome behind me went, "AWK-WARD!" The situation was now fun again, for everyone except the usher.

"Oh. . . That's. . .That's just to bad. When did she die?"

"In 1994." I just needed to give the facts. I knew it would be enough. "Ovarian Cancer."

"Well that's is news to me!" He said this with such venom, I felt the ink on my arm boil. He was playing the shock off with surprise. He took a moment to blink and collect his emotions. "She was a darling woman! Have you seen Hotel New Hampsire?" His final test it seemed. He was trying to blind side me with something he thought I did not know.

"Yes. It's an interesting movie. This is my tribute to a wonderful woman! For without her you wouldn't have movies like Hotel New Hamshire!" I sat as I heard the 5 minute tone chime. Now we could begin the real show.

P.S.

I <3 Filing away old playbills and production photos at Playbill.com!! I need to work in Woodside MORE than once a week!

Anita Morris with the replacement Guido in Nine.

Carol Channing and George Abbott. I have no idea really. It's probably 1994 here. So she's just revived Hello Dolly! and he's trying to figure out what they did to his script for Damn Yankees!

The Eccentricities of the Intern

My biggest fear about my internship:
Having to explain my theater tattoos to theatrical people. Odd right? Anita Morris is my partner for life. We've been going together for about two years now and I NEVER regret her. My tattoos are brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! I am a fan, so what? Anita Morris was the perfect female archetype and I celebrate that. Anita Morris, Judy Garland, Tennessee Williams are three different people who I find so amazing I don't care what people think.

Yet.

I find it difficult to explain when people don't know me. Especially people who will recognize Anita Morris. Who will ask me, "Did you see her in Nine?" And I can only answer:

Only through research.

Without further adieu. A Rewriting of The Rose Tattoo*...

(IGUANA is in his cubicle printing out every article written by a freelance reporter who doesn't own his own printer. IGUANA sits there smiling at the irony. SUPERVISOR enters the cubicle. He is a man born without humor or a single emotion in his body. He is Asian.)

SUPER: (Softly spoken) Iguana? Hi, are you, uh, busy? I want you to-- (Turns head and is inaudible) --This is the President of Musical Fold!

IGUANA: (Dumbstruck and unprepared for such a surprise on his second day.) OH! Hello! Very nice to meet you! Thank you for choosing me! I'm so happy to be here! I know you won't regret it!

PRESIDENT: Hello. What is that on your arm?

IGUANA: (Timidly) It's...(Goes with it). It's my tattoo. Of Anita Morris. You know, from Nine.

SUPER: Uh...yes...

PRESIDENT: Do I remember? Of course. She was a lady! Her dance was absolutely unforgettable.

SUPER: I...uh...remember that show...with Anto--

IGUANA: (Nervous) Yes! It's just funny--You're the first person to ask--Of course THE PRESIDENT would ask me about my theater tattoos!

PRESIDENT: Well you got it for a reason! To talk about it! (IGUANA stops himself.)

SUPER: Did you uh...see her perform in it?

IGUANA: Of course! (Aside) Well only with archival abilities.

PRESIDENT: What do you do for school? Where do you go?

IGUANA: BKLYN College.

PRESIDENT: Great school!

IGUANA: I'm a theater B.A. Which means I'm not going for acting...

PRESIDENT: (Understated) Good move. What do you want to do?

(IGUANA opens eyes wide. The $500,000 question has been placed on the table and as usual he is without a response.)

IGUANA: Just getting my hands wet and seeing what I'd like to do. (Aside) Which I'm sure I'll realize with all this data entry work. These mundane tasks are sure to clarify things.

SUPER: (Over IGUANA's aside) I--uh--went to school for--

IGUANA: But I'm sure I'll figure it out one of these days.

PRESIDENT: Well, it was nice meeting you. Make connections it's how you thrive here! (Exits before he finishes his sentence.)

(BLACKOUT)

*The following play is a work of fiction. Any events that resemble real life are purely coincidence.

One Day More...

When will this Broadway Strike end?!? My aunt was coming down with half my family this weekend to see The Lion King...and she invited me. Guess not. In all honesty I don't mind that it's happening. It's cool to be living when a huge historic event (for better or for worse) is happening right near you.

I mean I'd still settle for a job with Broadway so I could be REALLY part of the strike. Steps though, steps...small steps.

I saw the Radio City Musical Hall Christmas Spectacular! last night. I was stoned and with friends, it was absolutely amazing. Being in the bathroom at Radio City, when high is like being in paradise. Try it sometime.

Otherwise, on the way home last night I was listening to the end of Nine the Musical (starring Ms. Morris) and Anita's Simple and Karen Akers' Be On Your Own caused me to start crying while walking home. It was strange, yet I knew exactly why I was crying.

Iguana Gives It Up

I'd just like to give a wonderful shout out to Laurie Beechman. The amazing amazing woman who played The Narrator in the original Broadway cast of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat or 1982. She was running against Anita Morris for best featured actress in a musical. And like Anita her talents weren't rewarded either. As that BITCH won over such amazing nominees! She too was also taken away from us too early.

Nonetheless, a small tribute to an amazing and such a strange voice! (In the best way possible)

Any dream will do Laurie, any dream.

Iguana is in HEAVEN

My love, my idol, my dream.

Anita Morris

Since youtube.com was first created I have hoped and prayed that this video would be posted. It's Anita Morris doing A Call From the Vatican from the musical Nine in 1982. It's one of the most amazing performances I have ever seen. Seeing this was what only cemented my ETERNAL love of her. So sit back and watch (even though it's shitty quality) the stunning movement of this video.