The 24th on the 18th at 12th and 5th Ave

My party was a success I do believe myself. About an two hours before the party, seven people called and canceled on the entire night consecutively. Apparently there is a bug going around these days and it's called "I'm-to-lazy-to-travel-into-Brooklyn-itus" and it's going around. Some of the excuses were legit and others were cop outs, but you know who you are.

The people who assembled were a fun and interesting mix of people. Margaritas can bring people together and when you are all characters out of a Noel Coward comical farce, the night makes for a lot of wonderful little moments.

The only issue was the Wounded Soldier. I knew the night would end up in this situation. It was a three act play that began this morning and ended tonight. Tennessee Williams in real time, he threw up and talked to much. He brought drama into my life and at my birthday party.

That does not sit well. Which has not been sitting well for the last week, but that's oh-kay. Then I had my dream last night.

I dreamed that I got accepted to a very prestigious Graduate program in a private college in the middle of nowhere. It was this beautiful building with old but sturdy dorm rooms and I was going to college with my roommate. I guess that means she also went back to school for her Graduate degree, since the college probably would not let her live in the dorm unless she were a student.

My dreams are a little to realistic sometimes. My dreams consist of real life scenes that could happen, but are slightly absurd because nothing quiet makes sense. In the dream there was a lot going on with meeting other people in the class and figuring out the room situation. Watching sunsets and I think the season was spring. It was like a scene from a Lifetime TV Movie—an Emmy nominated one—and then there was the Wounded One throwing up into the bushes and showing me text messages I did not need to see.

These thought bombarded my good dream and I awoke quickly in shock. It was also extremely cool this morning, which was wonderful and I fell back asleep. I just did not like waking like that.

Today is a new day and I am going to handle the issue as I feel comfortable. We shall see.

The party was a success otherwise. People got along, there was levels going on. It was loud and funny and enjoyable. Then I remember Wounded Soldier by Tennessee Williams (2009).

For now I am sitting and listening to the mix CD Mr.Marx made for me. That marries my musical taste with his. Which makes me excited and I am only half way through! Today is a day of meditation and the gym. Oh I'm running. Tra-la.

Night of 1,000 Stevies: A Tragic-Comedy

For those of you not familiar with the event. Night of 1,000 Stevies is a celebration to the Goddess that is Stevie Nicks. The lead singer of Fleetwood Mac. A women with enough vocal power and talent to have a night dedicated to her once a year, for 19 years and counting. I know Stevie fairly well and I have enjoyed some of her songs immensely, but an event like this has never been something I would find myself drawn to.

Yet, I walked into the doors last night. No one really checked my validity for being there. I told the doorman I had a ticket waiting for me and I told the Box Office window that my friend had left me a ticket. She stamped my wrist affectionately and told me that was my way in and out of the venue. Never saying my name of showing anyone I.D. I had infiltrated the event.

I lied my way into Night of 1,000 Stevies, though I was invited properly. Yet, I felt I'd cleverly snuck into a place I truly didn't belong. I was brought there when the LA Lover reappeared into my weekend. He had an extra ticket and offered it to me, but not before exhausting other possibilities (via facebook). At the time, I thought I was being treated with special behavior.

He was friendly and tipsy when I arrived. Everyone there was friend and in some state of drunkenness. Excluding my one friend who has been sober for 3 years, yet he seemed to be the most intoxicated. On Stevie's voice, perhaps?

It was a very calm attitude and so many gay men! An unlikely mixture. Everyone from Hell's Kitchen Queens to Williamsburg Hipsters are drawn to this woman. I can admit that after last night, I will be too. Stevie, come into my life!

Even my friends are drawn to Stevie Nicks. Why not? She has no ill will to anyone and her songs are like poetry. She casts spells it seems. I enjoyed it immensely! If only I had shown up with my friends and not the LA Lover. I felt a tie binding myself to his company, because he invited me. My friends purchased their tickets.

I figured since I was spending time in his company, I may as well sleep with him tonight. . .

Yes, Virgina, I know that this isn't the right attitude to take. Don't worry in a moment you'll find out how karma got the best of me. So the LA Lover was being his typical LA self, but in a tipsy state. . .

(Never ending Stevie Nicks odes are performed in the background throughout the scene. They are higher up on a stage. The volume is extremely lower than in real life, but the players shout all the same. LA LOVER and IGUANA wear the same black American Apparel Sweater, but IGUANA wears a nice blazer over it. LA LOVER is wearing eyeliner and has a smokey eye as well.)

LA: All these mixed gendered people! Oh it's so magical! Let me buy you a drink!
IGUANA: Oh thanks, is that okay? How expensive are the drinks. . .
LA: Tonight, money doesn't matter! I know you are being more reserved these days, I want to liquor you up! Take that edge off. . .
IGUANA: Okay, then I'll take my drinks three at a time.--(Realizes it's not a joke)--Cran and vodka, thanks.

(LA LOVER flounces off and IGUANA watches the drag queens and Hedwig look-a-likes walk by.)

It was impressive and disappointing at times. This was one of the times it was very successful . . . This is what Taylor Mac does normally:



The night wore on and I stayed out of curiosity and I figured my invitation was also into the arms of the LA Lover. As life would have it, the wheels turn there was never anything in the lies he told me last Christmas. I simply turned for a moment and he was making out with a drunk guy, to which he abandoned me. It was graceless and tacky. I suppose it was my just reward for assuming we would go home together.

As simple as that, I am hardly interesting. A drunk boy who is cuter than me throws himself in your face and hardly a goodbye. I suppose there's some divine law out there that says I deserved that kind of respect. To be left by myself in a space, to be flirted with and then denied.

I left the party shortly afterward, next year I would return on my own terms. With my own friends and not with ex-LA Lovers. I took a cab home out of frustration, so I would feel the wind of the BQE and not have to worry about battling subways at 2:30 AM.

Upon arriving home I went to bed. The dream that followed was insane. It was Alice in Wonderland in it's beginning. I laid down in bed and shortly got up to return to Night of 1,000 Stevies. I had unfinished business. What proceeded was an epic battle filled with sex, fights, flying, Margret Cho and blood. Red blood. It was a terrifying dream and it was epic. Epic in every way!

I awoke thinking I had actually returned to Night of 1,000 Steveies and feeling weary at all the decisions that had been made. It took me all of five minutes to realize it had just been a dream. Yet, I felt like serious decisions had been made. Words were said that could not be taken back.

I felt like weeping, despite the fact none of it happened. It was the necessary ending to an unresolved reality. I was left stranded amongst Stevie Nicks's everywhere! As if I had the eyes of God looking at me from every direction. I want to hang my head in shame, instead I ran home and fell into a world where I create make my own ending.

A Dream and a Reality — A Symphony of Emotion

I wrote this post last night before my date with Harring (whom was known before as The Documentarist, which is not an actual word). Remember this as you read on:

I had a dream last night. It was sort of a nightmare, but I can't quite tell. As usual, keep in mind that my dreams border on realism most times. So here we go...

I am with The Tall Man and other friends. We are renting a van to go to the zoo and we are standing around and smoking cigarettes. The Tall Man takes me aside and begins to berate me with insults. It's random especially since this is the first time we've seen each other in almost a year. I begin to cry and he doesn't react. When the group returns I stop crying and say, "I am sorry I can't be in this group right now. He is being a fucking asshole." Then I stalked off.

Hmmm...

Sometimes I wonder if I have Post-Traumatic Syndrome or something. Why is that my dream? Oh well, I just took it in my mind as one last memory of a past. That I'm moving on and always being positive. That's my only resolution. . .

The day thus continued on. Harring called and we decided to see a perfect date movie. Revolutionary Road. I have loved Kate Winslet around the time I saw her in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I have wanted to BE Kate Winslet since she stepped out of that car in Tiantic. After Revolutionary Road, she is a Goddess.

Yet, this still isn't a proper date movie. We went because I want to test fate, luckily, it wasn't a deal breaker. It's what happened afterward that caused me to once again question my life and why things happen the way they do.

We were standing and waiting for the L Train. Unexpectedly, I hear a voice say, "Hello Craig." In this moment there was no one I wanted to see less, yet life somehow deemed this plausable. An audience voted and results show that of anyone I could run into it would be The Tall Man.

Before this day, this moment, I have always wondered what would happen. How would I react? Would I be able to carry on a conversation? Would I cry? Suddenly this answer was about to be revealed. Here he is. Still incredibly tall and equally handsome. His hair had grown much longer, just as my own had shortened considerably.

I think I blinked for a considerable amount of time before stuttering, “I--I had a nightmare about you last night.” He laughed nervously and replied, “Oh. . .wow! I hope I didn’t die.”

The pang, mixed with the sharpness of my tongue almost caused, “Oh. No, my dreams are horribly real to life. I’m sure you know what it was about.” Yet, I think I may have just drooled. I can’t accurately remember what happened during this conversation because suddenly my mind went blank.

I could see The Tall Man, I just could not hear anything he said. I began to ask him questions, I didn’t want a moment of silence so my disbelief could be fully comprehended. “What are you doing on the L Train?” I watched as his mouth moved and I acted like I understood, but then I realized his explanation was taking longer than I expected. Oh no, he was asking me a question! “Wait, I just hallucinated, what are you doing on the L Train?”

As this silent film played out, I turned my head slowly to my right and realized there was still another player in the scene. Harring was standing there silently, “This is . . .” I looked at him hoping he could see my sudden panic. He seemed to catch on and quickly added, “Harring.”

I looked back at the Tall Man and informed him of the movie we saw. I felt my body begin to tense more, but I just smiled and laughed. Slowly but noticeably, I leaned into Harring. I just felt my body naturally doing it and suddenly a little switch flickered in my mind.

I felt life was on my side at this moment. Give me the strength to accept that which I cannot change. I could never think of what would happen when I saw the Tall Man because I always pictured it happening by myself. I never wrote a third character into the scene. I would not cry, because I was not alone. I would not yell, because I could lean and still get the same feeling of relief. I am moving on.

I knew that I had no feeling to reunite with him anymore. Also that he had no idea what happened after he hung up the phone. I suddenly didn’t care either. I was still trying to figure out why 2008 was running into 2009. Even if Harring and I don’t last longer than any other affair, he has already paid off his investment.

After the train arrived the Tall Man understood his time on stage was through and he took his leave. I looked at Harring and inevitably had to explain exactly why that hoofer was being allowed so much stage time. I got about two sentences out about the dream from earlier and just stopped talking. I needed to think. . .

Sweet Dreams Are Made of Insomnia

After I fell asleep again and because pills weren't involved. I remembered my dream. It started off so hot and good, then ended on such a low note.

My friends and I were on a street on Halloween night and I was dressed as a Sex Pig again. We went to a bar and I immediately fell for the cute redheaded bartender named Iggy (or something like that). He talked and then began making out. Eric, who tends to be competitive when there's someone hot around said, "Oh, who is HE?" and I turned to him and snarled like a pig. He backed off.

Eventually my friends all left the bar to go down the street to this water park and Raymore & Flanagan show room area. Leaving the bar empty, except for Ricky (perhaps that's who it was) and I alone. He made out and touched each other in dirty ways.

After a little while of some heavy petting, one of Nicky's (I think) co-workers returned and he had to stop making out with me. I told him I'd be right back and I'd leave my clothes, wallet and bag at the bar in the upstairs room.

I found my friends, who were having a grand time at the water park half of the wonderland. They asked me how it went and I told them I was gonna get lucky tonight and I was SO ready to have sex. So ready in fact I couldn't hide my erection in my short shorts. I was so horny and piggy I didn't care.

I ran back to the bar and ran upstairs to meet Ziggy (hm), but was stopped by two Italian bodyguards. They told me I wasn't allowed upstairs or really anywhere in the bar for more than five minute intervals. I told them all my stuff was in the upstairs and they still denied me entry. I looked beyond the bodyguards and saw my beau and he just shrugged and mouthed he would be downstairs later.

I returned to my friends and told them of my situation. They told me that it was my fault for leaving my stuff in the bar. I got mad, but I knew I could get it back tomorrow when they changed shifts. By the way, my erection still wouldn't go down.

I began to notice how closely the bar was monitoring me from afar. As I looked around the water park I saw small camera's pointed at me. Even a little toy Scuba diver was swimming in the water and had a little blinking red light. It followed me everywhere, until I squashed it with my feet.

I returned to the bar for another five minutes and found my bartender working in the downstairs bar. I asked him for his number so we could continue this another night when the bodyguards weren't around. He frowned and said they monitored his phone, so it would be best for me to give him my number. I told him to take a hike and left. I then tried to find my way home, dressed as a Sex Pig with a hard-on, on the subway.

Take Me Away

I was trying to get an early night, but I was stirred by dreams of the men in Oz. That prison show of yesteryear. It's very intense and I know I'm a little behind on the times, but it's really something! That Christopher Meloni is going places. I see good projects for Edie Falco! I'm working through season one and the idea of like anymore seasons just baffles me. It's so intense already.

Today was governed by my tear ducts. I've felt the overwhelming need for a good cry all day today. I'm not even sure why? Just little worries, little things. I lost my glasses, this makes me very sad. I can't exactly turn to my parents and buy a whole new pair. There's a possibility that they could be found. I'm a young persons still and my eyes are pretty good (just the lazy eye) but they freak out.

I accidentally flushed my toothbrush down the toilet. Okay, so that came out weird. See I was naked...oh wait, that isn't good either. Look I didn't know she was dead when it fell into the toilet. It was an accident though, it fell from my hands and went right down. Now the toilet is flushing weird. My poor toothbrush.

What has happened to this country? I can't understand how we've come to this point in time. Nothing feels right, in the world and the universe. The death and the war and the people running for presidency and vice, as well.

I think I want to move. Or maybe it's just turning fall again. Time to reawaken this affair up. Or leave for good. Joan Didion get out of my bag, you plant seeds, evil seeds. I beseech thee!

You Will Play the Serpent...

I have finished the second of the All His Dark Material Series...WOW. What a story to be told there. Phenomenal! I sat on the Subway on the way to my play tonight, CRYING. Lee Scoresby will never be forgotten in my mind. The only difficult about loving these books now, is my pages and pages of research that I need to read for my papers for class.

Tsk, tsk.

I had a dream last night. I've been having strange dreams, they've been unsettling me. Last nights dream was that my my foot had been blown off my body somehow. I was sitting there and I hear a loud BANG and I look down and there's my foot, bone and blood. I feel no pain, but I figure it's because I'm in shock. I just sit there starring at my foot. In shock. Waiting for the pain to rush, it never does.

I wake up to find myself on the opposite side of the bed. This used to never happened, now it happens often.

Something weird for me, yet not surprising. Today by chance I put on Side Show the musical on my Shuffle. Why not? I love that show dearly, though as I listen to it more it's sort of corny, yet brilliant. I find out later today, that it's Side Show's 10th Anniversary today.

An accident, or just the cosmos telling me something...

As I was walking to the subway today I walked by a Priest. He was tall, handsome and graying. He was putting on his collar and as I walked by he looked me in eyes and said hello. Yet it was clear I had my headphones on and there was no point. Do priests usually do that? Just say hello to random strangers as they walk down the street? Or was he attracted to me?

I'm just saying...that I think this priest was totally hot.

Tonight I saw Die Mommie Die! the play Off-Broadway. Really funny and Charles Busch is to die for. Truly incredible. The show was enjoyable too.

West Styne Story

In the manner of Judy Garland, "I just had the strangest dream..."

After dreaming I'd worn out the best bottom of my shoes that I run in and I didn't realize it until today. I decided I was going to get a new pair.

Along the way they were doing a concert for West Side Story (since it's 50th Anniversary, of the movie, was yesterday). They were doing the Dance in the Gym sequence...

MAMBO!

When I look to my left and see Jule Styne, who is dead mind you, sitting there watching. He turns to me and asks. "Do you enjoy this part of the show." And I answer, "Of course!" And he just says, "I like MY music better."

Well SORRY Jule!