Tonight at the Super Bowl Party (my first, believe it or not). I had two hot gay guys offer to Double Penetrate me sometime if I wanted. It was mild joking, but considering the turnout of this week and where it's ended up. I almost imploded from the sexual frustration I've been feeling these days. I was shaking at one point.
Breath, breath, breath.
The kicker is the one guy lives a block away.
I know what I'm going to bring up in the Support Group tomorrow.
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Sunday, February 1
Monday, November 24
Snakes, Speedos and Sexuality
Tonight I snaked the toilet! For fun I wore my Red Speedo. I was feeling sexy. Not to mention the absurdity of playing around in toilet water while wearing this:
Pose much? Actually, I always stand this way.
It all seems very strange, right? But, why not put on your bathing trunks when you're about to go swimming? Oh if I could have taken a picture with the Yellow Rubber Gloves!
Now this leads me to my next point. As far as my body goes, I do believe I am in the prime of my life. I am very proud of my body, for the first time in a while. It makes me happy that when I lift my arms, abs are visible. You have to understand 4 to 6 years ago the idea of abs were a legend that I would talk about with people over firesides.
Bragabsbragabragsbabsbragbragbragarbabs
Okay, I'm done gloating. It's also ironic in this time. The prime of my life. I have decided to withhold my body from the touch of others. As much as looks shouldn't matter in dating and love, in the cruel reality, they do. We all want people who turn us on sexually.
The Tall Man was in great shape, but there was one night he showed me pictures of himself, when he was fatter [because you show fuckbuddies who you have no feelings for embarassing pictures of yourself when you were huge. Right? That's what I've come to understand.] So his body reflected this when examined up close. Stretchmarks, but a very flat stomach. His pectorals were well defined, but if uncared for could easily turn into man bosoms. I loved his body, more than anyone else I've met in my life [to date]. I felt hot when I was with him, because I thought his body was perfect. It obviously wasn't the textbook definition of "Hot". The abs were absent and the muscles on the body were not always all that well-defined.
When I lost him, I think I mourned the loss of his body most of all. That's not that bad of a discovery. I didn't love him, I loved his body. His personality obviously needs some major improvement, though it was a decent personality, it was still a Gay New York Males Personality.
I allowed myself to get lost for a moment. Excuse me. Yet, the outcome of that memory dive was a positive one. Positivity. A reoccurring theme this year.
Lastly, and I know you were thinking this the entire time reading. Yes, I did shower after I snaked the toilet.
Pose much? Actually, I always stand this way.It all seems very strange, right? But, why not put on your bathing trunks when you're about to go swimming? Oh if I could have taken a picture with the Yellow Rubber Gloves!
Now this leads me to my next point. As far as my body goes, I do believe I am in the prime of my life. I am very proud of my body, for the first time in a while. It makes me happy that when I lift my arms, abs are visible. You have to understand 4 to 6 years ago the idea of abs were a legend that I would talk about with people over firesides.
Sit back and listen as I tell you a tale. Horses that have horns are called Unicorns. Men who have goat legs are called Satyrs. People born with Abs are called Abnormals!It was the only way I could deal with the idea that people are just BORN with 6-pack Abs. They can eat as much as they want and never lose them. Now I sort of have them [really only when I lift my arms or in the right lighting] and I'm happy with that. It's not that I don't run and lift weights at the gym. I do! So excuse me while I brag for a moment...
Bragabsbragabragsbabsbragbragbragarbabs
Okay, I'm done gloating. It's also ironic in this time. The prime of my life. I have decided to withhold my body from the touch of others. As much as looks shouldn't matter in dating and love, in the cruel reality, they do. We all want people who turn us on sexually.
The Tall Man was in great shape, but there was one night he showed me pictures of himself, when he was fatter [because you show fuckbuddies who you have no feelings for embarassing pictures of yourself when you were huge. Right? That's what I've come to understand.] So his body reflected this when examined up close. Stretchmarks, but a very flat stomach. His pectorals were well defined, but if uncared for could easily turn into man bosoms. I loved his body, more than anyone else I've met in my life [to date]. I felt hot when I was with him, because I thought his body was perfect. It obviously wasn't the textbook definition of "Hot". The abs were absent and the muscles on the body were not always all that well-defined.
When we fucked though, you could feel all the muscles working.
When I lost him, I think I mourned the loss of his body most of all. That's not that bad of a discovery. I didn't love him, I loved his body. His personality obviously needs some major improvement, though it was a decent personality, it was still a Gay New York Males Personality.
When the going gets tough, the tough calls you on the phone and feeds you bullshit.
I allowed myself to get lost for a moment. Excuse me. Yet, the outcome of that memory dive was a positive one. Positivity. A reoccurring theme this year.
Lastly, and I know you were thinking this the entire time reading. Yes, I did shower after I snaked the toilet.
Monday, November 17
A Monday Completed.
A Monday Completed
A Poem
Marc: you there man?me: heywho is this?Marc: would love to see that big cock of yours on cam...marcme: haha Marc who?do I know youMarc: 10" dick that you wanted back in the summer.we've never metbut you said,me: Oh okay yes
Marc: I love the idea of tackling something that big. I'm really turned on by that right now. I decided I'm to tired for the gym. So I'm gonna crawl into bed. When are you free.and i quote.
me: It's coming back. Sorry I'm in the middle of building a coffee table right now. I'm not that horny either. Try again another timeMarc:hahaalrightme: yes, yes. That was me in my dirty mind. woof. But tonight. Not so much right now.
It was a valiant gesture on his part. Bravo, dear sir.
Other than that, I am stressed out a little. I will be working soon. I'm tired, I wish to sleep.
Other than that, I am stressed out a little. I will be working soon. I'm tired, I wish to sleep.
Saturday, October 18
Sorting Of Thoughts
After the events of last night and a discussion with my roommate. It's official! I know nothing about dating anymore. I know nothing about relationships and dealing with another person in that way. My roommate and I are odd because we come from two different paths where that comes in. My path is that of a slut.
Somewhere, probably with the last breakup three years ago, I lost some sort of insight. I missed some universal lesson and thought that fucking anything in my path was the way to go. Why? Sex is what everyone wants, right? It's where adventures lie! In some people's eyes this may not be the case. In mine, it made sense at 20, and I have the capabilities.
My roommate says I am saying contradictory things. I am not denying this. It is with that missed lesson that I got lost. I like sex, but apparently, I don't like dating? I can go the romantic route: saying that there is someone out there who will understand me for who I am, someday we will meet and the universe will be restored. Or I can go a realistic path and think that perhaps I am not ready to date, possibly ever.
How has it happened that The Gentleman Caller, The Tall Man, The Escort and another guy I was fucking, all actually are dating or in serious relationships? Yet, they did this all while riding my ass, literally! You can draw it all to one point, that I put out to easily, but that it does not seem that simple and I refuse to believe it.
Being a Cancer does not make this an easy path. I live on Romantic thoughts. I get caught up so easily in the moment, I make rash decisions and then I allow myself to suffer when they never turn out as I hoped they would (but knew they never would?)
Logic isn't my best asset. I grew up in the woods playing in imaginary worlds. When that time to stop playing came, I kept the imagination, I kept the fantasies and the refusal to believe that things just are.
So I have this innocence in me that people still see. I have a vulnerability that is dangerous. My honesty is always there. I've always been a loner, but I was raised in Upstate Suburbia. We pair off, it's what we do up there. Then to grow up with a heterosexual code of conduct, that doesn't necessarily live in the homosexual world. Even the happy couples are all inviting a third into the bedroom nowadays. Perhaps, I need to be around as that third? If I'm paired off who else would they call?
That is to simple in actuality, the issues I'm wrestling with are filled with contradictions and that's why it's difficult to articulate.
Then there are my sexual urges. My roommate reminded me that I haven't stopped having sex. I know this, but I have cut it down considerably. When I get frustrated, I get horny. It's so interesting. We all have things that we do that are unhealthy when we are depressed. Some people drink, others cut themselves and I have sex with people. Do I want to say right off that bat, this is completely unhealthy? Not really. Sex is sex is sex is sex.
See therein lies the problem. I know how to have/get/look for sex. Without that curiosity to drive it, dating is no fun. I find that the people I am sexually attracted to, aren't the people I'd like to date. This works in reverse too. Maybe I'm not making sense in all this, but I never was one for sense.
In short, I don't want to be in a relationship. And though I will get upset if a person I am fucking reminds me that they are dating someone. It will make me feel lonely, this is true. I would feel equally lonely with the mind games that people play anyway. I'm living the unorthodox path and like any Vegan is aware: It's not an easy one. One day perhaps it will all just click, probably on my deathbed, and I'll know how to make it all work.
I am taking steps to figure things out. I will make excuses like everyone else, but I will be aware of them. The heart is a lonely hunter. Truly it is.
I need to dispel any thoughts of dating. If I fuck someone, I am fucking them. No matter how much we flirt or kiss or cuddle. As well as I have the right to say, "I don't want to talk about who you're dating. We're having sex and I just don't feel comfortable in giving relationship advice." And feel justified in saying that.
Getting a dog seems so much easier. I think I'll start looking into that path of life. A Boy and his Dog.
Somewhere, probably with the last breakup three years ago, I lost some sort of insight. I missed some universal lesson and thought that fucking anything in my path was the way to go. Why? Sex is what everyone wants, right? It's where adventures lie! In some people's eyes this may not be the case. In mine, it made sense at 20, and I have the capabilities.
My roommate says I am saying contradictory things. I am not denying this. It is with that missed lesson that I got lost. I like sex, but apparently, I don't like dating? I can go the romantic route: saying that there is someone out there who will understand me for who I am, someday we will meet and the universe will be restored. Or I can go a realistic path and think that perhaps I am not ready to date, possibly ever.
How has it happened that The Gentleman Caller, The Tall Man, The Escort and another guy I was fucking, all actually are dating or in serious relationships? Yet, they did this all while riding my ass, literally! You can draw it all to one point, that I put out to easily, but that it does not seem that simple and I refuse to believe it.
Being a Cancer does not make this an easy path. I live on Romantic thoughts. I get caught up so easily in the moment, I make rash decisions and then I allow myself to suffer when they never turn out as I hoped they would (but knew they never would?)
Logic isn't my best asset. I grew up in the woods playing in imaginary worlds. When that time to stop playing came, I kept the imagination, I kept the fantasies and the refusal to believe that things just are.
So I have this innocence in me that people still see. I have a vulnerability that is dangerous. My honesty is always there. I've always been a loner, but I was raised in Upstate Suburbia. We pair off, it's what we do up there. Then to grow up with a heterosexual code of conduct, that doesn't necessarily live in the homosexual world. Even the happy couples are all inviting a third into the bedroom nowadays. Perhaps, I need to be around as that third? If I'm paired off who else would they call?
That is to simple in actuality, the issues I'm wrestling with are filled with contradictions and that's why it's difficult to articulate.
Then there are my sexual urges. My roommate reminded me that I haven't stopped having sex. I know this, but I have cut it down considerably. When I get frustrated, I get horny. It's so interesting. We all have things that we do that are unhealthy when we are depressed. Some people drink, others cut themselves and I have sex with people. Do I want to say right off that bat, this is completely unhealthy? Not really. Sex is sex is sex is sex.
See therein lies the problem. I know how to have/get/look for sex. Without that curiosity to drive it, dating is no fun. I find that the people I am sexually attracted to, aren't the people I'd like to date. This works in reverse too. Maybe I'm not making sense in all this, but I never was one for sense.
In short, I don't want to be in a relationship. And though I will get upset if a person I am fucking reminds me that they are dating someone. It will make me feel lonely, this is true. I would feel equally lonely with the mind games that people play anyway. I'm living the unorthodox path and like any Vegan is aware: It's not an easy one. One day perhaps it will all just click, probably on my deathbed, and I'll know how to make it all work.
I am taking steps to figure things out. I will make excuses like everyone else, but I will be aware of them. The heart is a lonely hunter. Truly it is.
I need to dispel any thoughts of dating. If I fuck someone, I am fucking them. No matter how much we flirt or kiss or cuddle. As well as I have the right to say, "I don't want to talk about who you're dating. We're having sex and I just don't feel comfortable in giving relationship advice." And feel justified in saying that.
Getting a dog seems so much easier. I think I'll start looking into that path of life. A Boy and his Dog.
Wednesday, October 15
Tired, but Restless
I am going to try for bed now. This will be short. I wish to get to the gym tomorrow.
I am restless as usual. School is rushing my life and the play will be done soon! I feel like I'm always falling behind. I've realized it's an issue I've been feeling since I was a kid. Sadly depressing. I always felt like I've been behind.
Held back in Kindergarten because of my emotional stunted behaviors. I was emotionally disturbed. Isn't that humorous to realize. Since I've been six I've always felt behind.
I feel so comfortable with the debauch world. Drag Queens and Poly-Amorous Pride Days. They've been filling my life and that feels normal.
I've been sleeping with The Escort. I'm not in love, I can't feel love. I'm just very interested in his life. He's been doing it since he was 18. How interesting. He tells me these tricks of the trade.
Then I stop and think about how possibly he could just be working me. I'm not paying him, and I'm having sex. So I suppose I'm not losing out. He likes that everyone loves him, that's why he escorts. He has like four older men who he sees weekly and they give me at least $250 a visit.
He makes $1,000 a week by just having sex with men. The pros are in my favor. What could you possibly say to change my mind? That I'm a lily that has only been touched by the morning dew?
About 20 minutes into his little stories it clicked. It was when he was telling me about what he does when he meets a John. He always goes to the bathroom to regroup and wash his butt.
It snapped, like a gear going into place. I was Community Service Escorting. I suddenly knew his game because I played it. Except I never got paid for it. Major bummer, right? So I ask you. What could you tell me that would weigh the cons against the pros? I have a pretty solid list of pros so far.
I am restless as usual. School is rushing my life and the play will be done soon! I feel like I'm always falling behind. I've realized it's an issue I've been feeling since I was a kid. Sadly depressing. I always felt like I've been behind.
Held back in Kindergarten because of my emotional stunted behaviors. I was emotionally disturbed. Isn't that humorous to realize. Since I've been six I've always felt behind.
I feel so comfortable with the debauch world. Drag Queens and Poly-Amorous Pride Days. They've been filling my life and that feels normal.
I've been sleeping with The Escort. I'm not in love, I can't feel love. I'm just very interested in his life. He's been doing it since he was 18. How interesting. He tells me these tricks of the trade.
Then I stop and think about how possibly he could just be working me. I'm not paying him, and I'm having sex. So I suppose I'm not losing out. He likes that everyone loves him, that's why he escorts. He has like four older men who he sees weekly and they give me at least $250 a visit.
He makes $1,000 a week by just having sex with men. The pros are in my favor. What could you possibly say to change my mind? That I'm a lily that has only been touched by the morning dew?
About 20 minutes into his little stories it clicked. It was when he was telling me about what he does when he meets a John. He always goes to the bathroom to regroup and wash his butt.
It snapped, like a gear going into place. I was Community Service Escorting. I suddenly knew his game because I played it. Except I never got paid for it. Major bummer, right? So I ask you. What could you tell me that would weigh the cons against the pros? I have a pretty solid list of pros so far.
Tuesday, September 30
Scenes With My Life: Three's Company?
(IGUANA stands outside of the ESCORTS apartment. He smokes a cigarette as he waits. Across the stage enters the ESCORT with a friend in tow. The friend is shaded for now and cannot be visible by the audience.)
IGUANA: (Phone rings and he answers it.) Hello?
ESCORT: Hey we're almost there?
IGUANA: Huh, we?
ESCORT: Yea, a friend is with me. We went to get some food. (Teasingly, but with all seriousness.) He's got a great personality and a huge cock! He does has a weird face though, sort of looks like an alien! We used to date. (He laughs and the unclear guest jokes back, but isn't heard or scene yet.)
IGUANA: That's fine. Whatever, I don't mind company.
ESCORT: He has to visit a friend so he is only gonna be here to eat. We'll be there in a... (ESCORT and friend turn to reveal they are now in the same space as the IGUANA. The lights change and IGUANA can see that the friend is the CYCLIST!!) ...second.
IGUANA: Oh! Well this is a surprise! How are you? (They hug.)
CYCLIST: I am good IGUANA!!! (Bear hug.)
ESCORT: (Laughing) I figured you knew each other some how.
IGUANA: Yes, I am very familiar with him.
CYCLIST: Very.
IGUANA: I am like the New York City Directory, everyone's used me at one time? How are you?
CYCLIST: (Noel Coward. Every emotion for him is huge! Nothing is to small to experience.) I am GREAT! I am visiting my good friend here and now I see you! Did you know Iguana was in perhaps the top three best sexual experience in my life! (IGUANA's eyes grow large.) Two hours!
IGUANA: That's me. I'm a machine. (Smiles)
(Scene change. It's later and IGUANA is walking down the street to a play. He is leisurely strolling. He looks at stores and streets and thinks about them. His thoughts are allowed, does not matter if his lips move.)
IGUANA: (Stream of consciousness and listening to his iPhone. Mame is playing.) You coax the blues right out of the horn, I hope this musical is good. Mame, That salad tasted really good, You charm the husk right off of the corn, I need this walk though. Mame, I am nearing up on FIT. You've got that banjoes strummin' Oh good old FIT! Don't they tape Martha Stewart Living there? And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band, Remember that time you slept with that guy. The whole plantation's hummin' While his boyfriend was out of town. Didn't he work... Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land. (The guy IGUANA is thinking of walks by not noticing him. It is very apparent that IGUANA recognizes him.) You make the cotton easy to pick, ... Mame,
IGUANA: It's time to move to San Francisco... You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,
BLACKOUT
IGUANA: (Phone rings and he answers it.) Hello?
ESCORT: Hey we're almost there?
IGUANA: Huh, we?
ESCORT: Yea, a friend is with me. We went to get some food. (Teasingly, but with all seriousness.) He's got a great personality and a huge cock! He does has a weird face though, sort of looks like an alien! We used to date. (He laughs and the unclear guest jokes back, but isn't heard or scene yet.)
IGUANA: That's fine. Whatever, I don't mind company.
ESCORT: He has to visit a friend so he is only gonna be here to eat. We'll be there in a... (ESCORT and friend turn to reveal they are now in the same space as the IGUANA. The lights change and IGUANA can see that the friend is the CYCLIST!!) ...second.
IGUANA: Oh! Well this is a surprise! How are you? (They hug.)
CYCLIST: I am good IGUANA!!! (Bear hug.)
ESCORT: (Laughing) I figured you knew each other some how.
IGUANA: Yes, I am very familiar with him.
CYCLIST: Very.
IGUANA: I am like the New York City Directory, everyone's used me at one time? How are you?
CYCLIST: (Noel Coward. Every emotion for him is huge! Nothing is to small to experience.) I am GREAT! I am visiting my good friend here and now I see you! Did you know Iguana was in perhaps the top three best sexual experience in my life! (IGUANA's eyes grow large.) Two hours!
IGUANA: That's me. I'm a machine. (Smiles)
(Scene change. It's later and IGUANA is walking down the street to a play. He is leisurely strolling. He looks at stores and streets and thinks about them. His thoughts are allowed, does not matter if his lips move.)
IGUANA: (Stream of consciousness and listening to his iPhone. Mame is playing.) You coax the blues right out of the horn, I hope this musical is good. Mame, That salad tasted really good, You charm the husk right off of the corn, I need this walk though. Mame, I am nearing up on FIT. You've got that banjoes strummin' Oh good old FIT! Don't they tape Martha Stewart Living there? And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band, Remember that time you slept with that guy. The whole plantation's hummin' While his boyfriend was out of town. Didn't he work... Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land. (The guy IGUANA is thinking of walks by not noticing him. It is very apparent that IGUANA recognizes him.) You make the cotton easy to pick, ... Mame,
IGUANA: It's time to move to San Francisco... You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,
BLACKOUT
Wednesday, September 10
Iguana Meets God
This is the first time I've seen you smile since we got back.You blink and you stare at that statement. Really, the first time? We went to China, we didn't save the world. Was I the only one who got depressed? It's a strange thing to hear so quickly, from an outside party. My venom was that vile it poisoned the lovely Brooklyn Campus.
I went on two dates this last weekend and never heard back from either. I can't be held responsible for what I consider a natural reflex nowadays. Sex is sex is sex is sex. I want it. It makes me happy, when it's not there I don't necessarily miss it.
It just feels right when I meet someone I'm attracted to. I guess we could pin it down to self esteem. I use sex to justify how I see myself. The more guys I have sex with, the better I feel about myself. It's not around much anymore and I still feel the need to go to the gym. Just in case, he shows up again.
I need to find other things to raise my self esteem nowadays. It feels weird to do. It feels weird to be aware of it. I want to be noticed for other things, other than my libido. The male sex is putty in your cute blond hands. You know that any number of them will want to have sex with you. Yet, is it necessary to prolong what will eventually happen. That goes into my social skills and I am not ready to discuss that yet.
The whole notion of it tires me. Really, it truly does. Time for Oz!
Sunday, September 7
Take Me Away
I was trying to get an early night, but I was stirred by dreams of the men in Oz. That prison show of yesteryear. It's very intense and I know I'm a little behind on the times, but it's really something! That Christopher Meloni is going places. I see good projects for Edie Falco! I'm working through season one and the idea of like anymore seasons just baffles me. It's so intense already.
Today was governed by my tear ducts. I've felt the overwhelming need for a good cry all day today. I'm not even sure why? Just little worries, little things. I lost my glasses, this makes me very sad. I can't exactly turn to my parents and buy a whole new pair. There's a possibility that they could be found. I'm a young persons still and my eyes are pretty good (just the lazy eye) but they freak out.
I accidentally flushed my toothbrush down the toilet. Okay, so that came out weird. See I was naked...oh wait, that isn't good either. Look I didn't know she was dead when it fell into the toilet. It was an accident though, it fell from my hands and went right down. Now the toilet is flushing weird. My poor toothbrush.
What has happened to this country? I can't understand how we've come to this point in time. Nothing feels right, in the world and the universe. The death and the war and the people running for presidency and vice, as well.
I think I want to move. Or maybe it's just turning fall again. Time to reawaken this affair up. Or leave for good. Joan Didion get out of my bag, you plant seeds, evil seeds. I beseech thee!
Today was governed by my tear ducts. I've felt the overwhelming need for a good cry all day today. I'm not even sure why? Just little worries, little things. I lost my glasses, this makes me very sad. I can't exactly turn to my parents and buy a whole new pair. There's a possibility that they could be found. I'm a young persons still and my eyes are pretty good (just the lazy eye) but they freak out.
I accidentally flushed my toothbrush down the toilet. Okay, so that came out weird. See I was naked...oh wait, that isn't good either. Look I didn't know she was dead when it fell into the toilet. It was an accident though, it fell from my hands and went right down. Now the toilet is flushing weird. My poor toothbrush.
What has happened to this country? I can't understand how we've come to this point in time. Nothing feels right, in the world and the universe. The death and the war and the people running for presidency and vice, as well.
I think I want to move. Or maybe it's just turning fall again. Time to reawaken this affair up. Or leave for good. Joan Didion get out of my bag, you plant seeds, evil seeds. I beseech thee!
Tuesday, July 1
To the impending day: July 8th
I just sort of planned my Twenty-Threesome Birthday party. Two other people are invited.
Sometimes I feel like I'm dancing as fast as I can. Eh, it's fun.
Sometimes I feel like I'm dancing as fast as I can. Eh, it's fun.
Monday, June 23
The pASSt Returns
Apparently, there's some guy out there named Al* who has my exact tattoos and is jerking off in front of a camera! How odd is that?
*Note to Self: Don't run for high office, Al will bring you down.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is all I am going to give you.
*Note to Self: Don't run for high office, Al will bring you down.
Wednesday, June 18
Steam Room: Scene II
Scene II
(IGUANA is in the locker room of the YMCA a week later. I listens to his iPod shuffle and sits on the bench bobbing his head up and down. The MAN enters the locker room and looks around warily. He approaches IGUANA who looks up and nods shyly towards him.)
MAN: (Smiling and quietly.) Hey, it was great to taste you the other day.
IGUANA: Ex--Excuse me? D--Do I know you?
MAN: (Looks around to make sure no one is listening in.) The steam room, about a week ago.
IGUANA: (Remembers immediately) Oh...Oh...Yea. Hi.
MAN: So I have a question for you. Would you like to buy me a drink sometime?
IGUANA: (Hurriedly) Listen it was really hot. I don't normally do that, I just thought it was exciting and you are cute...Excuse me? (Laughs) This is the first time I've ever had an older man ask me to buy him a drink! (Laughs to himself.) Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I just can't afford a drink for myself right now--
MAN: (Asks this question when IGUANA says 'myself'.) Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: Pass that by me again?
MAN: Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: (Looks around) The drugs? Well, sir, whose name I don't even know. You have to be a little more specific. And another thing, I blew you in a steam room. I wasn't asking you on a...
MAN: Pot is absolutely fine. E is tricky, but okay. Coke is the same as E. Shrooms and acid are cool, but must be done in proper situations. (Beat) Meth is the DEVIL! If you do meth, I'm sorry but we can't hookup in the steam room anymore.
IGUANA: (Pauses for a long moment) Hi, have we met yet? I don't know if I'm on the same page as you? What exactly did I do that warrants me this anti-drug talk from someone I just blew--
MAN: (Matter-O-Fact) When we were in the steam room, I noticed your pupils were dilated. So I want to know. Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: (Raising voice a little) What is it with THE drugs?! (Catches himself) And I don't even know your name! Since you're being so upfront, I'll try to return the favor. I have done everything, I have tried everything. While some drugs I do more often than others I am not a tweaker! Yes, I smoke pot regularly. At that moment nothing was in me when I was in the steam room. So I think that covers the ground base area. So if you're excuse me--
MAN: Do you want to do E with me?
IGUANA: (Lets out a loud laugh, which causes the MAN to become nervous) You're kidding right? Is this a test? Like if I say yes you'll walk away and if I say no you'll continue to entertain me?
MAN: (Misses the joke completely) No. I'm serious I've been wanting to do E. I'm okay with E.
IGUANA: (Pauses for a moment then shrugs.) Sure I haven't done E in a while--
MAN: Do you know where to get some?
IGUANA: Well, with all my drug connections, it'll be easy (Beat) NO! Of course not!
MAN: Oh. That sucks. Well so about that drink?
IGUANA: (Looks around without purpose) So are you for real? Or am I being punished because I broke some divine steam room law?
MAN: Huh?
(Blackout)
(IGUANA is in the locker room of the YMCA a week later. I listens to his iPod shuffle and sits on the bench bobbing his head up and down. The MAN enters the locker room and looks around warily. He approaches IGUANA who looks up and nods shyly towards him.)
MAN: (Smiling and quietly.) Hey, it was great to taste you the other day.
IGUANA: Ex--Excuse me? D--Do I know you?
MAN: (Looks around to make sure no one is listening in.) The steam room, about a week ago.
IGUANA: (Remembers immediately) Oh...Oh...Yea. Hi.
MAN: So I have a question for you. Would you like to buy me a drink sometime?
IGUANA: (Hurriedly) Listen it was really hot. I don't normally do that, I just thought it was exciting and you are cute...Excuse me? (Laughs) This is the first time I've ever had an older man ask me to buy him a drink! (Laughs to himself.) Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I just can't afford a drink for myself right now--
MAN: (Asks this question when IGUANA says 'myself'.) Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: Pass that by me again?
MAN: Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: (Looks around) The drugs? Well, sir, whose name I don't even know. You have to be a little more specific. And another thing, I blew you in a steam room. I wasn't asking you on a...
MAN: Pot is absolutely fine. E is tricky, but okay. Coke is the same as E. Shrooms and acid are cool, but must be done in proper situations. (Beat) Meth is the DEVIL! If you do meth, I'm sorry but we can't hookup in the steam room anymore.
IGUANA: (Pauses for a long moment) Hi, have we met yet? I don't know if I'm on the same page as you? What exactly did I do that warrants me this anti-drug talk from someone I just blew--
MAN: (Matter-O-Fact) When we were in the steam room, I noticed your pupils were dilated. So I want to know. Do you do the drugs?
IGUANA: (Raising voice a little) What is it with THE drugs?! (Catches himself) And I don't even know your name! Since you're being so upfront, I'll try to return the favor. I have done everything, I have tried everything. While some drugs I do more often than others I am not a tweaker! Yes, I smoke pot regularly. At that moment nothing was in me when I was in the steam room. So I think that covers the ground base area. So if you're excuse me--
MAN: Do you want to do E with me?
IGUANA: (Lets out a loud laugh, which causes the MAN to become nervous) You're kidding right? Is this a test? Like if I say yes you'll walk away and if I say no you'll continue to entertain me?
MAN: (Misses the joke completely) No. I'm serious I've been wanting to do E. I'm okay with E.
IGUANA: (Pauses for a moment then shrugs.) Sure I haven't done E in a while--
MAN: Do you know where to get some?
IGUANA: Well, with all my drug connections, it'll be easy (Beat) NO! Of course not!
MAN: Oh. That sucks. Well so about that drink?
IGUANA: (Looks around without purpose) So are you for real? Or am I being punished because I broke some divine steam room law?
MAN: Huh?
(Blackout)
Tuesday, June 17
Steam Room: Scene I
Scene I
(The steam room in the YMCA. A MAN sits near the back wall with his eyes half closed. He is lounging and seems to be waiting for something. IGUANA enters in a towel and sees MAN. A clever smile appears on his face. Godot has arrived. All the actions that follow are to be done slowly and certainly, until the real action takes place of course.
He sits at an angle so the MAN can see up through his towel. IGUANA too takes a semi-relaxed pose and positions his head so he's not looking at the MAN, but can spy him from the corner of his eye. The MAN seems to have the same idea. Both sit there for some time, letting each other catch glances of one another's bodies through the steam. IGUANA rubs his chest and neck, gently massaging them. He is a cat playing with his mouse before the kill.
The MAN touches his legs and opens his towel a little more. IGUANA stares off into space and knows the game is on. Slowly, IGUANA's hand moves to underneath his towel and he begins to touch himself. The MAN obviously sees this and begins to do the same. IGUANA lets out a silly smile.
IGUANA moves closer to the man. Throughout the rest of the scene they constantly check the door to make sure no one is coming. IGUANA immediately reaches between the MAN's legs and jerks him off. The MAN does the same and begins to jerk IGUANA off. The MAN notices the IGUANA isn't as hard as he is. IGUANA lowers his head down and begins to blow the MAN.
IGUANA lifts up his head and the man follows his example. IGUANA stares at the door. He is nervous, but the exhibition excites him. The MAN lifts up his head and abruptly asks.)
MAN: Have you been partying?
IGUANA: (Panting and wide eyed.) Huh?!
MAN: Have you been doing drugs?
IGUANA: (Taken aback) Wh--What? N--No...I'm just nervous...
(IGUANA continues to blow the man. Bringing his closer to climax.)
MAN: I'm go--gonna cum! I'm gonna... (IGUANA pulls off and follows his example and jerks off and cums. A short pause.) Well, that was hot. Thanks.
(IGUANA jumps up and mumbles something like, "My pleasure." He quickly exits the steam room.)
(BLACKOUT)
Of course this isn't the ending. Stay tuned for more.
(The steam room in the YMCA. A MAN sits near the back wall with his eyes half closed. He is lounging and seems to be waiting for something. IGUANA enters in a towel and sees MAN. A clever smile appears on his face. Godot has arrived. All the actions that follow are to be done slowly and certainly, until the real action takes place of course.
He sits at an angle so the MAN can see up through his towel. IGUANA too takes a semi-relaxed pose and positions his head so he's not looking at the MAN, but can spy him from the corner of his eye. The MAN seems to have the same idea. Both sit there for some time, letting each other catch glances of one another's bodies through the steam. IGUANA rubs his chest and neck, gently massaging them. He is a cat playing with his mouse before the kill.
The MAN touches his legs and opens his towel a little more. IGUANA stares off into space and knows the game is on. Slowly, IGUANA's hand moves to underneath his towel and he begins to touch himself. The MAN obviously sees this and begins to do the same. IGUANA lets out a silly smile.
IGUANA moves closer to the man. Throughout the rest of the scene they constantly check the door to make sure no one is coming. IGUANA immediately reaches between the MAN's legs and jerks him off. The MAN does the same and begins to jerk IGUANA off. The MAN notices the IGUANA isn't as hard as he is. IGUANA lowers his head down and begins to blow the MAN.
IGUANA lifts up his head and the man follows his example. IGUANA stares at the door. He is nervous, but the exhibition excites him. The MAN lifts up his head and abruptly asks.)
MAN: Have you been partying?
IGUANA: (Panting and wide eyed.) Huh?!
MAN: Have you been doing drugs?
IGUANA: (Taken aback) Wh--What? N--No...I'm just nervous...
(IGUANA continues to blow the man. Bringing his closer to climax.)
MAN: I'm go--gonna cum! I'm gonna... (IGUANA pulls off and follows his example and jerks off and cums. A short pause.) Well, that was hot. Thanks.
(IGUANA jumps up and mumbles something like, "My pleasure." He quickly exits the steam room.)
(BLACKOUT)
Of course this isn't the ending. Stay tuned for more.
Friday, June 13
Bragging Rights...
I've had sex at least once everyday since Monday. Needless to say, I'm tired and haven't gotten much else done this week.
Thursday, June 12
SCENES WITH MY FRIENDS: Composer Collboration
ADVISORY WARNING: The following is a work of fiction. None of the things said are proven true. If they are in fact true, then that is merely a coincidence.
(IGUANA sits with FRIEND. It's Tony Award time and thus the conversation is always on some sort of theatre related topic! As the conversation has progressed, they have mixed in the topic of sex. Theatre and sex are IGUANA's two favorite topics and the limits of what comes out of his mouth are limitless. We tune in already in progress.)
IGUANA: (Sits up and his eyes open wide) A shock thought popped into my head! I dare not repeat it...
FRIEND: Well now you have too.
IGUANA: I wonder if Stephen Sondheim fisted Jerry Herman in his Dungeon while John Kander taped it? How strange would that be?! (Long pause)
IGUANA: (Beat) P.S. rumor on the street, from Mary Testa, is Sondheim has a dungeon. (They stare at each other and laugh hysterically at the same moment.)
FRIEND: Almost as weird as Patti snorting a line off Hal Prince's cock. (Laughs)
IGUANA: (Determined to push the limits.) Do you know Carol's famed Hello Dolly song, I Put My Hand In? (Sings) I put my hand in here? I put my hand in there? (FRIEND nods)
IGUANA: I always pictured her fisting Jerry Herman while singing it. (Both laugh)
FRIEND: Sondheim was very hot in his day.
IGUANA: And a total top I'm sure, but still if he has a Dungeon that means he's a man who doesn't discriminate, because you just need to put a mask on them.
(SCENE)
(Young Herman)
(Young Sondheim)
(She's fisting him in this photo)
Sunday, May 4
Sunday Nights
Last night I went out with my two friends from down the street. One being a drag queen whom I love and the other her boyfriend. Whom I also love. They both treat me better than anyone I've met. They also live in a world I absolutely adore, if for nothing more than to observe.
I sometimes think that after school I will try to start working in a club. Not necessarily as a gogo boy, for I fear I don't have the body of that. I think I've make a better bartender, but that takes practice. I don't know, just this whole club family, the cast of characters. Like her, or her, or him, or him, or he, or she, or they, or it. I meet many of them repeatedly, but because I'm not a local. Nor am I outstanding in my look. I never get remembered. Except for this adorable DJ who I can't love because a friend of mine has been telling me about him. Also I've never really had a conversation with him...
Plus not to mention the whole off hours and the debauchery of it all. It's just an amusing notion. I know it'll probably never happen because I'm always more amazed at it all. Watching the people come and go. Watching the people who know what they're doing, do their thing. Yet, having friends in the life makes me happy.
The other bit of news from last night. Aside from the 5 am return home. Was the guy who hit on me, made out with me. While I successfully managed to knock his drink out of his hands. To sum up how the entire interaction went read this Craigslist Post I wish to post:
Existential Mis-connect At 3:30 AM
You were the hot guy in the blazer you said was denim. I was in the tight T-shirt that said "Hello" in a different language.
Just wanted to let you know you are really hot and a good kisser.
I didn't ask for your number because the idea of letting you fuck my face in a dirty bathroom wasn't where I wanted to be at that moment. In a bedroom setting, I'd let you do it anytime. Taking a chance, but email me if it's you.
Monday, April 14
Down for the count...
My body is sick. To be alert of one's body is a weird thing to experience, but I feel it. Not that, "I'm dying" feeling, as I usually discuss. But in the sense that I am ill. I feel warm, my lymphnodes are swollen and I'm more tired than I usually feel. So much in fact that I skipped the gym without feeling regret or remorse. I did later in the day, but that's a different tale.
I woke up this morning and put the finishing touches on my abhorrent lighting design project. Just let me pass, I don't care if it's a C or an A, but let her give me sympathy and see the time I put into it. Let her take pity and say, "Well, this was his first time." I don't care.
My two days of debauchery have taken their toll. It's interesting to think that I have sexed myself into physical pain. Some may see that as a form of masochism. I feel it as purging, I shudder to think of what the inside of my lower region looked like the day after. It wasn't pretty, but it felt so good.
Was I that built up, that the moment I could let it out. I wanted to be rammed so much that I felt pain? Apparently so? Thus forth I am taking the pain that comes with it. I am eating the fiber pills and using the suppositories until I heal again. Then we'll look at life through different eyes, now won't we?
I wake up this morning and immediately thoughts of The Tall Man and our impending meeting comes to my mind. It saddens me, and thus the tone for the day is set. Yet, I know that I need to be more positive! I need to realize I shouldn't beat myself up over it. It's hard to think of looking into his eyes and seeing that he's pushed me away. It's hard to think about ever trusting again. To ever meet someone intimately that I can trust. See how the mood of the day gets set?
I arrived late to school in order to deliver a poem I wrote yesterday while stressed and under influences. It was performed smashingly well, everyone loved it. I have a voice, it's time to figure it out and let the world hear it. It's a goofy poem that was in response to a friend mocking my haircut. Against my own judgement I'll post it. It's more a goofy first draft (this strong black woman reading):
In Response to My Hair
By E.Iguana
Don't move for a moment,
I need to talk...
Friend, dear friend...
Obviously we aren't good enough chums
Or you'd know there are somethings
You just don't say.
There are three things on this head,
Three glorious parts, that if mocked,
Will decree war on the neighboring countries.
First, my lips. Second, my nose. And third, my hair.
To learn about the other two, try and offend another day.
As for now, you shall learn how deep these roots grow!
My hair will be with me,
Longer than any lover has yet to stay.
My hair has been every color on the,
Blond to Brunette scale.
From bleached to burnt,
Not a stranger has died in vain!
My hair has more waves
Than any ocean you will swim.
Like a vast blond pit of quicksand.
If you were to fall in, it could be
Hours before you fell out.
This blond is real!
Each strand,
Like a snowflake
Never the same in hue.
On the left looks dark,
To the right it's blinding!
Doesn't matter because I
Only like when people look,
Head on!
At that point-of-view,
I can't tell what you'll see.
Except a tall yellow pillar of strength!
So dear Friend,
Next time you fire off blanks like that.
Take a look in the mirror and realize,
How much ammo I could fire off!
This tongue is sharp,
And most certainly cuts to the bone!
I woke up this morning and put the finishing touches on my abhorrent lighting design project. Just let me pass, I don't care if it's a C or an A, but let her give me sympathy and see the time I put into it. Let her take pity and say, "Well, this was his first time." I don't care.
My two days of debauchery have taken their toll. It's interesting to think that I have sexed myself into physical pain. Some may see that as a form of masochism. I feel it as purging, I shudder to think of what the inside of my lower region looked like the day after. It wasn't pretty, but it felt so good.
Was I that built up, that the moment I could let it out. I wanted to be rammed so much that I felt pain? Apparently so? Thus forth I am taking the pain that comes with it. I am eating the fiber pills and using the suppositories until I heal again. Then we'll look at life through different eyes, now won't we?
I wake up this morning and immediately thoughts of The Tall Man and our impending meeting comes to my mind. It saddens me, and thus the tone for the day is set. Yet, I know that I need to be more positive! I need to realize I shouldn't beat myself up over it. It's hard to think of looking into his eyes and seeing that he's pushed me away. It's hard to think about ever trusting again. To ever meet someone intimately that I can trust. See how the mood of the day gets set?
I arrived late to school in order to deliver a poem I wrote yesterday while stressed and under influences. It was performed smashingly well, everyone loved it. I have a voice, it's time to figure it out and let the world hear it. It's a goofy poem that was in response to a friend mocking my haircut. Against my own judgement I'll post it. It's more a goofy first draft (this strong black woman reading):
In Response to My Hair
By E.Iguana
Don't move for a moment,
I need to talk...
Friend, dear friend...
Obviously we aren't good enough chums
Or you'd know there are somethings
You just don't say.
There are three things on this head,
Three glorious parts, that if mocked,
Will decree war on the neighboring countries.
First, my lips. Second, my nose. And third, my hair.
To learn about the other two, try and offend another day.
As for now, you shall learn how deep these roots grow!
My hair will be with me,
Longer than any lover has yet to stay.
My hair has been every color on the,
Blond to Brunette scale.
From bleached to burnt,
Not a stranger has died in vain!
My hair has more waves
Than any ocean you will swim.
Like a vast blond pit of quicksand.
If you were to fall in, it could be
Hours before you fell out.
This blond is real!
Each strand,
Like a snowflake
Never the same in hue.
On the left looks dark,
To the right it's blinding!
Doesn't matter because I
Only like when people look,
Head on!
At that point-of-view,
I can't tell what you'll see.
Except a tall yellow pillar of strength!
So dear Friend,
Next time you fire off blanks like that.
Take a look in the mirror and realize,
How much ammo I could fire off!
This tongue is sharp,
And most certainly cuts to the bone!
Oh and I quit smoking today...
Wednesday, April 9
Hm, interesting...
I'm a queen, he's a queen. Where is my crown? I'm breaking down.
I was able to push The Tall Man out of my mind all day today (excluding now, because I'm obviously writing about him). Real time, isn't it a bitch?
Yes, sure I got drugged and sexed up this weekend. Perhaps it's the coming down and withdrawl speaking (there's a good chance), but it doesn't seem all that dramatic. Because, I feel that in my body I'm not actually conforming to anything. I was purely acting on instinct and frustration. To explain my thought process of it all will take another night, when I'm not at work with only 9 minutes until I leave.
To put it simply, it just makes sense to me what I did these last two days. Stayed tuned for tomorrow where I'll hit the low and feel clinically depressed and saddened by life.
Tuesday, April 8
It hurts so bad, it gets me down, down down...
Time's have been trying and I have been faced with decisions. School has taken a backseat to my life right now. And to prove that nothing in life is permanent I decided that on Monday and Tuesday (today) I would throw plans to the wind and abandon everything that was officially scheduled. Meaning school and homework and therapy. Instead I went down the Judy Garland Way of Dealing with Internal Struggle. Of course that means I did copious amounts of drugs to help ignore the pain. As well as I followed my old route as a slut and had copious amounts of sex with a small group of people. (Only three different individuals in actuality. But the sex was hot and I enjoyed it).
I know it's not the way to do this, but I realize now that normal conventions can go to hell. Sure it's true I'm going through the first step: Denial. I admit that openly. If others can do it, then so can I. After ending this 48 hour excursion I realize that I can now safely return back to my normal life. I let myself have these 48 hours of absolute craziness, and I don't deny I may return to it from time to time. But I am a different person than I was two years ago, or a year ago for that matter. So I know I can allow myself into these views of life.
All day I sat around thinking, "This is so not me! I'm just waisting the day! I'm skipping class and school work to be a deviant of New York...Brava Iguana, brava. You are allowed this."
I know it's not the way to do this, but I realize now that normal conventions can go to hell. Sure it's true I'm going through the first step: Denial. I admit that openly. If others can do it, then so can I. After ending this 48 hour excursion I realize that I can now safely return back to my normal life. I let myself have these 48 hours of absolute craziness, and I don't deny I may return to it from time to time. But I am a different person than I was two years ago, or a year ago for that matter. So I know I can allow myself into these views of life.
All day I sat around thinking, "This is so not me! I'm just waisting the day! I'm skipping class and school work to be a deviant of New York...Brava Iguana, brava. You are allowed this."
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