Another Week

The weekend was good and full of little surprises. I saw a double rainbow. It's a rare occurrence and I saw it! I almost expected a gateway to open up and suddenly gay marriage would be passed in NY state.

Then it was Pride this weekend. I drank so much beer, I am home at a normal hour because I am hoping that my Temp Agency will call me tomorrow with work. I light a candle every night praying that work will come my way. The double rainbow is a sign of luck, of this I am sure.

I have no appointments this week, I am but a bore. I am running to Coney Island, but it's not as romantic as it sounds. I bothers me to walk by the Ringling Bros. Circus and to be heading to the unemployment office. Oh to run away to the circus and to actually run away.

Happy pride and double rainbows!

The Danger Party

Last night the ShyGuy and I went to the Brooklyn Masonic Temple and attended the Danger Party.

It reminded me of a cross between short bus and a rave. We took some shrooms to begin the night and then someone offered us Mali, which is the "purest part of E". Which I took two and really feel I was tricked. Straight people don't understand their drugs. Then someone sold us a pill of what I guess was actual E. ShyGuy made that decision, I just decided why not?

Yes, yes the chemicals! The dangers. These are the challenges of life. All I really got from all that is night sweats and I started rolling when I was in bed. Cause I couldn't fall asleep.

The party was multiple rooms. The upstairs being a auditorium with bleechers and movie projections and the downstairs acting like a rave, which is essentially as I said the above room was. There was also ice sculptors and ladies eating fire. People were dressed as various ideas dealing with the bail out. It was fascinating to see who showed up, yet I was there too. I felt I was there more for a sociology project. I always see myself observing things, never partaking in them. Telling!

I was by far one of the youngest people there, but there were a few. So many people were just fucked up, like publicly fucked up. It was a liberating feeling. It was fairly interesting music and the setting was fascinating. The people who show'd up were numerous and older, but a lively sort of crowd.

I can see why after about one of these you would be over it.

Summation of Fire Island...

How was my weekend in Fire Island?

Bah. If you saw me in a box cut bath suit, wouldn't you say hey?

I never want to go to that Island again unless I'm financially invited or I am older. Bah.

Sunday Nights

Last night I went out with my two friends from down the street. One being a drag queen whom I love and the other her boyfriend. Whom I also love. They both treat me better than anyone I've met. They also live in a world I absolutely adore, if for nothing more than to observe.

I sometimes think that after school I will try to start working in a club. Not necessarily as a gogo boy, for I fear I don't have the body of that. I think I've make a better bartender, but that takes practice. I don't know, just this whole club family, the cast of characters. Like her, or her, or him, or him, or he, or she, or they, or it. I meet many of them repeatedly, but because I'm not a local. Nor am I outstanding in my look. I never get remembered. Except for this adorable DJ who I can't love because a friend of mine has been telling me about him. Also I've never really had a conversation with him...

Plus not to mention the whole off hours and the debauchery of it all. It's just an amusing notion. I know it'll probably never happen because I'm always more amazed at it all. Watching the people come and go. Watching the people who know what they're doing, do their thing. Yet, having friends in the life makes me happy.

The other bit of news from last night. Aside from the 5 am return home. Was the guy who hit on me, made out with me. While I successfully managed to knock his drink out of his hands. To sum up how the entire interaction went read this Craigslist Post I wish to post:

Existential Mis-connect At 3:30 AM

You were the hot guy in the blazer you said was denim. I was in the tight T-shirt that said "Hello" in a different language.

Just wanted to let you know you are really hot and a good kisser.

I didn't ask for your number because the idea of letting you fuck my face in a dirty bathroom wasn't where I wanted to be at that moment. In a bedroom setting, I'd let you do it anytime. Taking a chance, but email me if it's you.

The Gaymer

First, the time change has taken me for a surprise. Last night on the train I was making good time at getting home. Next thing I know it's 3 am and I'm horribly late. So needless to say I woke up to late to go to the gym. I am a little upset. Now, why I am more upset...

The Gaymer. A species that I once thought I belonged to. A gaymer for those of you who don't know is a gay man who plays video games. Excessively. I used to revel in the fact that I was one. I was subversive being a homo who played games! It was a defining feature of my life. "I'm gay and I played all of King's Quest growing up as a kid..." Does that ring a bell? Anyone...hello is this thing on? If I told someone that statement and they didn't understand then I knew there was no hope. If a guy didn't play video games...what was the point?

Then life set in. Not there is anything wrong with a gay man who plays video games. Actually it's still very cute. Correction, it's still very cute until last night. For you see last night I was invited to a midnight Gaymer release party of Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the Wii. There were several things wrong with this scenario: It was daylights savings and the game wasn't released until midnight, it was in Harlem and OH I've never played a Wii until a couple weeks ago!

So I have concluded (at least from the invited guests of this party) that there are two types of Gaymers. The incredibly hot ones and the mild ones. Gaymers have this intellect of uselessness that comes off as cocky, but utterly attractive. If it's a hot one, then it's even better. Along with this intellect also comes a condescending. Enter me.

I who have not half the video game powers I used to. I'm a veteran. I can remember the good times, but I believe the present has fallen on squalor. There has been a game able to make me feel motivated for years. So I enter this room of a mix of hot and mild. And now ladies an gentlemen I will begin to analyze...

Before I begin, life has give me a blessing. My blond hair. This is a lesser known fact, but I am sort of a method actor. When I enter a social situation when I know no one and I feel a little intimidated I rely on one thing and let it go where it takes me. Last night it took me father than I ever thought I could go. Being blond I can throw out some choice statements and instantly no one takes me seriously. I know it's abusing my intelligence, but I knew the rules of the game. I have developed a perfect blank stare and look of utter disbelief. If I tried to pretend I was up to date with the Wii or I knew what was going on they would have quickly caught on and rubbed it in harder. If they all felt less threatened, they'd embrace me. Even if only a little.

God, I feel like Jane Goodall.

The couple hosting the party were very gracious. There was one who was a little more intense, but I could tell from the look in his eyes he held a brutish demeanor but would crumble just as easily as the rest. Regardless, I liked him and his geekiness.

Then there was another couple. One thin as a stick and cute in that gaymer way. The other large (very) an not really social. I also noticed he didn't play video games that much either, from his lack of knowing how to play Mario Party 8. He hated me and the act I put up. I wanted to pull him aside and whisper, "Listen friend, I am on your side! Hate what you see, but don't hate me because after tonight we will share a bond larger than the two of us combined!" Yet, to break face would be disastrous. We've gotten through the couples...

Then there is the Hot Gaymers. Now they are what does it for me. If I played video games still I would probably be this. Well, duh. This particular one was defensive of me from the moment I entered the room. I noticed his quick looks and snide comments. I can handle him, with my mask on I didn't really care. Besides I wasn't in competition tonight, I was there as an observer.

Hot Gaymers of my age have something to prove. They want to be free and wild. Sleep with anyone they can, because they know where they stand! That's fine, really. But because they are used to competition through games they are equally competitive in the ways of the bedroom. Entering a room full of gay men is just like Pac-Man. Eat the fruit and gobble up anyone worth points. When I entered the room the game was on.

Yet the catch is Hot Gaymers are "friendly." They are so unsure of themselves that they have a belief that they must be every one's friend. They are nice and flirt with everyone. Not just one person, they want to make sure they have all venues open. Just in case one falls through. Speaking from personal experiencing, I learned that those kinds of people are the saddest. Always avoiding and never confronting, it's okay if some people dislike you. It really is.

I was fine with him until a second hot gaymer showed up. Now when you have more than one joined in battle, it's like Hyena's. They are sneakier than they seem. The second one was on the border of Gaymer and the border of Bitchy.

At this point I had already portrayed myself as the dumb blond so I couldn't go back on it. Of course we all know how blonds react when they are bombarded with bitchy comments. They take it like Jesus Christ did on the cross. So I pulled a Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and got drunk. Or as Brick once said, "I looked for my click..."

It's funny that before coming there I was excited but felt a nagging on the back of my neck the entire day. Then I remembered what that nagging was...

Did Jane Goodall ever have to deal with a bitchy Gorilla?

Alice in K-Hole Land

When I woke up this morning and started my day, no where in there did I think, "Tonight will be a beautiful night to fall into a K-Hole!" I mean honestly, when does one ever plan for that? Yet such is the ways of my life sometimes. You don't expect it, yet you fall into it so easily. Then hours later as you are somewhat conscious you think that this will make an interesting little entry into your life. Notice how I didn't say blog. Let me explain shall I...


I went to work and performed life as I normally should. All night I wrestled with this gay party I was invited to. I was going to be the youngest gay man there, and therefore I would be dissected all night. Then I mentioned it to my friend at work and he insisted we go, "Let's go stir some people up." Were his words.

St. Christopher protect me

It was enjoyable, eyes darting everywhere. People coming and going. Free drinks. The whole sha-bang! I found the few friends I have, including the host who after sometime offered me a vial. Being the curious little Corine I am, I put it to my nose and sniffed.*

I admit there is some fairly interesting about doing drugs. I don't do them often, save for pot. However, in my eyes pot isn't a drug to me, but more as a necessity in making life more interesting.

Moving along...

I wasn't there for 10 minutes before this man from the last party, who I went home with almost a year ago found me. He was all over me immediately. He was drunk, a little he claimed. If he was a little drunk, than I was a little sober to see through that. He kept hanging on me reminding me of the amazing time we had, I shook my head and agreeing. Yet didn't quiet feel it. He wouldn't leave me alone, though I was prone to leave him mid-sentence so I could see other people. His little drunken state, didn't seem to mind that.

Then there was a moment, a moment I live for. When I noticed he'd disappeared, I went to go find my friend. I walked into the next room and they were making out. Not caring either way, I left. They apparently soon moved to the closet and had sex in the closet. Which was the big debacle of the party.

What can I say, I hang around with the top of my class.

What made it tiresome was when they were finished and this guy shows up again and is all touchy with me. Corine just can't keep her mouth shut sometimes, I tell him, in his slightly drunken stupor.

I saw you in the closet...WE ALL DID.

He gets all embarrassed and is trying to deny it. The closet isn't the best place to have sex, especially the place where every one's keeping their bags. I'm hardly mad at my friend, nor do I feel any attraction to this man anymore. Yet I feel this I have the salt, and see an open wound...

And it was my best friend too.

He is speechless, I put on my best smile and tell him. I don't care, yet my voice wavers. It was rather fun to do. I don't care, as I said. I wasn't looking for sex with him and I was bored. He proceeded to latch onto me and not let go. Kissing my neck and telling me how adorable I was. And as if my friend got the joke too, he would always walk up to say hello at those moments.

This is exactly why I despise men right now. Also exactly why I felt justified to play with this little mouse while I was here.

Yet my comeuppance was upon me before I knew it.

A new vial. Well let's see shall we. My friend came to the party and represented LUST, I will now take over the role of GLUTTONY. What else have I got to loss, it's already 3 am. Somewhere Kurt Weill has written an opera/ballet for us!

Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff.

We lay on the bathroom floor and get dizzy and giggly. I feel myself leaving my body, it's a surreal and strange feeling. I can't control it, so I have no choice to let it happen. It feels amazing and painless. We are chatting, yet I can't focus at all. He's speaking and I'm listening. I'm moving slightly and feeling completely dizzy. It's amazing an terrifying at the same time.

There is a lapse in time. Could have been minutes, or perhaps hours. The puking does hurt, I'm so far out of my body I don't even notice any of the puking. I'm laying on a towel, where did it come from? My friend is laughing and chatting with me the entire time. Rubbing my leg and helping me stay conscious, he's locked the bathroom door so no one can see me. In my mind I feel grateful for all of this. Yet all I can say is, "I'm sorry."

My mind feels there for it all, but completely shaky. The light is so bright that every time I open my eyes I feel a soft pain. I look at my friend who is blurry through my teary eyes. In the words of Lifetime Movie: I was dancing as fast as I can!

I think to myself, perhaps this is it, perhaps I'll die here. Then he says a joke, "If you die, I'm dragging you out into the hall." I respond in my mind, I can't die that way! So I lived, with a lot of puking and dry heaving. It's funny how quickly someone can look so pretty and then turn so ugly. Yet, this afternoon when I woke up around 2, I was happy to see how slim I looked.

*Let it be known that I am fairly familiar with this host and I knew exactly what was entering my body. I wouldn't take chemicals from a stranger. Regardless though, I did get into my situation nonetheless.