I'm about to tell you a tale of how my weekend went. Like Alice going through the looking glass, I found myself in situations that I've never been in and I some how survived. Getting out of the city, even to go to New Jersey for a gay wedding was a relief. Obviously it wasn't the traditional wedding and usually I cry at weddings.
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
However, the grooms decided to have songs in between each part of the ceremony. The grooms marched down the aisle, song, testimonials, song, vows, song, rings, song...It got kind of redundant and it ruined the possibility of my crying because every time I get emotional some song (ones that I didn't care for) were sung.
Like the sap I am though, I really started to think about my own wedding someday. I'm not religious but I would like to have some sort of ceremony. I want to say my vows to someone. I know it's cliche, and these grooms seemed to cry more than say vows. But I have been one for giving speeches. And I think I would have a few songs sung, but I decided I would only have it done if I had two famous singer friends with fabulous voices. Well E could definitely sing, and she'll probably be well known by the time I wed.
So with the wedding done we shall now go into where my weekend takes some twisted turns and thus explains my life as you've come to know it...
Chapter one: The Inn and the Stripper —
Upon checking into the Inn, which was eh at the most. My friend Eric and I deciding that we were the ones to share a bed. One of our group suggested that we check out the bar next door to the Inn. Notice how I keep saying Inn, when it was clearly a motel, but I like to give the idea it was quaint. So we walked across the parking lot and as we got closer we soon discovered two things. First, being that the Bar was a strip club called Centerfolds and that we discovered how the Inn probably stays open.
I have never been in one before and I was with some of my closer friends, so why not? Well I'll tell you why not. Faggots, especially ones that tend to giggle when embarrassed shouldn't be allowed to see topless women.
It was then that I had my first encounter with my first stripper. She wasn't the prettiest woman in the world. She had orange skin, bleached blonde hair (much like mine used to be), giant breasts and a face that could make a mother cry. After sitting through her dancing, where all I could think of was Anita Morris's A Call From the Vatican, she came up to me.
She removed her top and ever so generously jiggled/shook her tits at me like they were two separate entities by themselves. I immediately started to giggle and looked up at the ceiling. Now I can be naked in front of people without shame (I'll get to that in following chapters), but I tend to blush when such a thing happens. What I didn't realize was my insulting the stripper. OH was I!
"What are these funny to you?" She asked me, little did I know then that her rejection would mirror my own later tonight.
I started as her and blushed, "Oh...No...I just..." Was all I could say and she stormed off. My friends informed me that I had wounded her stripper pride and that the jiggling of her breasts meant she wanted a dollar. Which I observed when she went to a fat man across the bar and he paid her for her presentation. I felt awful, and in honor of her, gave two dollars to the second stripper who performed.
Ginny you shall forever be part of my mind, and part of my development. May life treat you well from now on.
Chapter two: Paradise Closes at Two —
The wedding reception was a hoot. It was in a giant theater they were remodeling. Due to the fact that the grooms were crazy, from what I heard as the gays all gossiped before the wedding. We had a BBQ at my Lesbian bosses home down the road. Her house was beautiful and the food was immaculate. Her girlfriend made it and I have never had such good Salmon. We also proceeded to get drunk before the wedding, during the wedding and AFTER the wedding.
Back to after the wedding...
So I think by this point I'd had three Rum Punches, two glasses of Champagne and was starting on my one of MANY Vodka & Cranberries. When the star of Another Gay Movie (seen above holding the large buttplug) came to say hello, specifically me.
Thus started my torrent love affair actor. But we've yet to get there. The thing about him saying hello specifically to me, is it rarely happens. He's your typical actor (And I think he has ADD) and remembers only those who help his career. Not that all actors are that type, but I've heard this said about him several times before.
In my opinion, he makes me laugh. But to be around him all the time may drive me nuts. So he joined up in our drinking, and drinking and drinking. Finally around 1 am the party had to end. The DJ stopped and we had to be out. So the six young gay men went off to drive around the Jersey night life. Which apparently was a club called, Paradise at the Empress Hotel (the M was out so I called it the Epress Hotel). Somehow in our car appeared an older woman and a younger girl. A mother and daughter from New Orleans who were guests at the wedding two. The mother was 41 and the daughter 18. Both were trashed out of their minds.
"I'm 18 and I have a fake 21 ID and I would LUV fo' you to join me tomorrow night going to the clubs in New York City." The daughter invited me and insisted that I call her "Tits" because they entered the room before she did. I laughed and the moment they left the car we all sobered up for a moment and collectively said, "What the fuck was that?"
Paradise was lame compared to most clubs of the city. It was pure alcohol you could tell. If there'd been illegal substances going around people would've surely removed their shirts. I wanted to but I knew I'd stand out. It was around this time that the actor took it turn on hitting on me. Flirting endlessly and I played back. It was also decided that he was coming back to our room to stay with us. Eric gave up his stop on our bed so the actor could sleep there.
Like clock work 2 am struck and suddenly the music stopped and the lights went on. It was time to go home. We drove to the motel and I got excited. Not overly, but I also got nervous. I really didn't see this happening at all. But, since this week had been emotionally draining, I deserved some fun, didn't I? We arrived back to the Inn...
Time for bed. I will continue this tomorrow.
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