I feel like my time in Park Slope hasn't been fully enjoy yet. Since I plan on living here for a long while, I'll have time to learn to love it.
On the day I officially arrived to Park Slope I found a transparent and green bull in my Margarita and I knew it was a sign that I was welcome here. When I was kicked out of Chelsea and homeless for two weeks. I found a plastic Goldfish in the couch bed I was sleeping on. I took it with me to Crown Heights.
She sat in my window sill watching over me. Eventually she watched over the bed that would soon fill me with much anxiety and insanity. When I moved out last Saturday, in my rush to get out asap, I left her in the window.
She is lost to me now. This bull shall take up her job of watching me now.
It's the ones we love, that we end up leaving behind.
Today during casting for the movie I got to sit next to this actor or the first movie. He's beautiful and funny. Very normal too. We had a funny little connection, nothing I took as sexual, but just fun.
Last night on my date, I felt a sense of Deja Vu' because he mentioned several places and things that the guy I dated before had talked about. So suddenly I could completely relate to his stories, without ever having experienced any of them. I had the phenomenal Asian Chicken Salad at Eatery with the guy and when he brought it up I could completely agree it was amazing.
Then he spoke of these strong and sweet Margarita's at Food Bar (Watermelon was the flavor) and I could easily say, "They ARE strong and great!" Even though I'd never tried one in my entire life. Other subjects were brought up and I was suddenly living a life I'd never lead.
Dating older men has it's advantages. They know all the special places to go and the fun things to do. They also have their disadvantages. They've already done those things many times and just TELL you about them and never let you experience it.
I resolve not to be so stupid.
My 22nd birthday is coming upon us VERY soon. As of tonight it's officially a month away. 22 marks no significant birthdays until 30. Plus it makes the beginning of aging and getting older. Up to 21 (and through that year) you are always young, people always look at you young. You try to relate with a story of your generation and people look at you odd. Maybe it's also because everyone I know is much older. It never was an issue besides this, but I'm falling off track.
With this birthday comes a time to wait and watch. Life officially begins for the young adult at 22. Most normal 22 year old adults are finishing with college and beginning their stint in the world, etc, etc. I started a year and a half earlier one could say. Except I'm still in school.
So as usual, since I've done it before everyone else I know I will have more time to reflect. That's why the issue of aging comes to my mind.
Dating men who are in their late 30s/early 40s means you are attracted to them enough to know they still look good. Yet they always seemed uncomfortable with me. It may have been for two reasons.
- My young body made them self conscious of their age and they realized that they are aging.
- My obviously want of their security meaning through their material and monetary value was so obvious they just wanted to test it to see if I was actually attracted to them. When I would be polite and show affection, yet withhold my sexual nature they became confused and uncomfortable.
In short I guess I asking for two things about the aging years to come...
Let me age gracefully and nicely and let me have the courage to admit that I am getting older and accept that fact.
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