Lost It Today

Today was a rainy day in San Francisco. At one point the fog swallowed the landscape completely, the view was ruined and nothing could be seen.

I decided to check my bank account status. The honeymoon was over. I'm still on vacation, and I will enjoy myself. As I bought some books today and ordered tickets to Alcatraz for tomorrow. I just realized how low my bank account is.

When K returned to the apartment I burst into tears. I wrote myself a postcard. I told myself to stay strong, that these issues are only for now. I reread it aloud to K and was crying by the end of the postcard.

It was expected though, the tears I mean. So much excitement and happiness over the last few days. Then the fog comes in and I turn into an emotional mess. I am realizing that life is here to stay, you can't live in Oz forever. Eventually you'll have to return home.

I sat there crying and fretting. I need a job! There's so much homework to be done! How am I ever going to graduate? Why can't this happiness last? Will the city be grayer when I return?

The last time I felt like I wanted to cry this much was on April 1st. I had to remind myself that the game of life was starting again. I had to make sure I still was alert. It's time for a job, somehow you'll work. Someway you will work. Think and it will become a reality.

Life will always be this way, you have been neglecting your duties as a human being. You've been allowing yourself to much joy. Is that a true fact? Personally I blame my college, which is why I feel like it was so easy to leave it.

I'll return and get my shit together, the memories of San Francisco fresh in my mind. The tears have stopped flowing and I have regained my composure.