This weekend has been an odd one. It's been filled with white lies and little stresses that have left me feeling tired and overwhelmed. I feel pulled in all different directions and wish to be pulled in simply one direction at a time.
The support group has brought an interesting cast of characters into my life, but sometimes I'm left wondering: Where did the original cast go? I used to have people who I saw on a daily basis, but not these days. It seems they recast my life while I was not looking.
I had a social panic this weekend. I was asked to do so many things and in my Cancerous way I retreated into my shell. I feel bad for my lack of interest in certain events and I feel even worse for my inability to care for people's emotions.
I see the telltale signs of my karma coming back at me. I needed to comfort a dear and close friend, more than I needed to make new ones. That's my reasoning and I will stick to it until the day I die. In return the ShyGuy has blown me off for dinner once and I'm only waiting until April 1st, when I will break apart completely.
This weekend has been a reminder of how I need to be careful with my emotions. I am a delightful person to be around, this much is true, but if you try and force me into a corner. I swear I will scratch and lie until people back off.
In the coming months I will be expected to perform all sorts of fantastic feats and without my roommate by my side. Instead, I will have a stranger living under my roof and I am wary. I will welcome him into the apartment with open arms, but he already has his own agenda. So I may just be a bookmark in his life.
I have two more group sessions left. Which is slightly terrifying. Soon there will be no more Monday night commitments. Hopefully it will be replaced with a job. Hopefully.
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