Steam Room: Scene II

Scene II

(IGUANA is in the locker room of the YMCA a week later. I listens to his iPod shuffle and sits on the bench bobbing his head up and down. The MAN enters the locker room and looks around warily. He approaches IGUANA who looks up and nods shyly towards him.)

MAN: (Smiling and quietly.) Hey, it was great to taste you the other day.

IGUANA: Ex--Excuse me? D--Do I know you?

MAN: (Looks around to make sure no one is listening in.) The steam room, about a week ago.

IGUANA: (Remembers immediately) Oh...Oh...Yea. Hi.

MAN: So I have a question for you. Would you like to buy me a drink sometime?

IGUANA: (Hurriedly) Listen it was really hot. I don't normally do that, I just thought it was exciting and you are cute...Excuse me? (Laughs) This is the first time I've ever had an older man ask me to buy him a drink! (Laughs to himself.) Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I just can't afford a drink for myself right now--

MAN: (Asks this question when IGUANA says 'myself'.) Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: Pass that by me again?

MAN: Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: (Looks around) The drugs? Well, sir, whose name I don't even know. You have to be a little more specific. And another thing, I blew you in a steam room. I wasn't asking you on a...

MAN: Pot is absolutely fine. E is tricky, but okay. Coke is the same as E. Shrooms and acid are cool, but must be done in proper situations. (Beat) Meth is the DEVIL! If you do meth, I'm sorry but we can't hookup in the steam room anymore.

IGUANA: (Pauses for a long moment) Hi, have we met yet? I don't know if I'm on the same page as you? What exactly did I do that warrants me this anti-drug talk from someone I just blew--

MAN: (Matter-O-Fact) When we were in the steam room, I noticed your pupils were dilated. So I want to know. Do you do the drugs?

IGUANA: (Raising voice a little) What is it with THE drugs?! (Catches himself) And I don't even know your name! Since you're being so upfront, I'll try to return the favor. I have done everything, I have tried everything. While some drugs I do more often than others I am not a tweaker! Yes, I smoke pot regularly. At that moment nothing was in me when I was in the steam room. So I think that covers the ground base area. So if you're excuse me--

MAN: Do you want to do E with me?

IGUANA: (Lets out a loud laugh, which causes the MAN to become nervous) You're kidding right? Is this a test? Like if I say yes you'll walk away and if I say no you'll continue to entertain me?

MAN: (Misses the joke completely) No. I'm serious I've been wanting to do E. I'm okay with E.

IGUANA: (Pauses for a moment then shrugs.) Sure I haven't done E in a while--

MAN: Do you know where to get some?

IGUANA: Well, with all my drug connections, it'll be easy (Beat) NO! Of course not!

MAN: Oh. That sucks. Well so about that drink?

IGUANA: (Looks around without purpose) So are you for real? Or am I being punished because I broke some divine steam room law?

MAN: Huh?

(Blackout)