It's begun, the door has been cracked. I hate it when I pick up a book and I know it'll lead my mind into places that I'm not sure it's ready for. Yet, I'll go there. Why not? We have nothing better to do.
I've been keeping a correspondence with a 22-year-old escort. Whom I have bedded a couple of times, I don't have to pay. He is the first guy I have slept with in a long time who is my age. He's a beautiful boy and dumb. When a TV show on Tibet came onto CNN, he said: I need to TiVo this, because I'm Buddhist.
We hang out and sort of talk. He talks about his life. He's an escort and works in advertising design. Freelance, of course. He didn't go to college and has been all over the country. He's been an escort since he was 18. He's a beautiful and tragic creature.
And I will admit I am a touch envious. All the luck is on his side. He knows the game and how to play it. He has spent the last 3 weeks traveling Europe and staying in various places. He decided while he was on holiday, that he wants to be an interior designer.
He tells me that he will work on his portfolio, he'll just make ground plans and sketches appear. I should not fear though, for his back up plan is simple. He has a friend who lives in Amsterdam, he will marry h(er?)im and find a school there that will take him!
How can one not feel envy! It's all laid out there for him. His life and options! Perhaps, I should not use words like envy. I shall rethink my wording.
I long to acquire the hidden truth of life that he has discovered. The tidbit of knowledge that makes it all snap together. Oh, why didn't I see it?!
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