Iguana Meets God

This is the first time I've seen you smile since we got back.

You blink and you stare at that statement. Really, the first time? We went to China, we didn't save the world. Was I the only one who got depressed? It's a strange thing to hear so quickly, from an outside party. My venom was that vile it poisoned the lovely Brooklyn Campus.

I went on two dates this last weekend and never heard back from either. I can't be held responsible for what I consider a natural reflex nowadays. Sex is sex is sex is sex. I want it. It makes me happy, when it's not there I don't necessarily miss it.

It just feels right when I meet someone I'm attracted to. I guess we could pin it down to self esteem. I use sex to justify how I see myself. The more guys I have sex with, the better I feel about myself. It's not around much anymore and I still feel the need to go to the gym. Just in case, he shows up again.

I need to find other things to raise my self esteem nowadays. It feels weird to do. It feels weird to be aware of it. I want to be noticed for other things, other than my libido. The male sex is putty in your cute blond hands. You know that any number of them will want to have sex with you. Yet, is it necessary to prolong what will eventually happen. That goes into my social skills and I am not ready to discuss that yet.

The whole notion of it tires me. Really, it truly does. Time for Oz!