Scenes With My Life: Three's Company?

(IGUANA stands outside of the ESCORTS apartment. He smokes a cigarette as he waits. Across the stage enters the ESCORT with a friend in tow. The friend is shaded for now and cannot be visible by the audience.)

IGUANA: (Phone rings and he answers it.) Hello?

ESCORT: Hey we're almost there?

IGUANA: Huh, we?

ESCORT: Yea, a friend is with me. We went to get some food. (Teasingly, but with all seriousness.) He's got a great personality and a huge cock! He does has a weird face though, sort of looks like an alien! We used to date. (He laughs and the unclear guest jokes back, but isn't heard or scene yet.)

IGUANA: That's fine. Whatever, I don't mind company.

ESCORT: He has to visit a friend so he is only gonna be here to eat. We'll be there in a... (ESCORT and friend turn to reveal they are now in the same space as the IGUANA. The lights change and IGUANA can see that the friend is the CYCLIST!!) ...second.

IGUANA: Oh! Well this is a surprise! How are you? (They hug.)

CYCLIST: I am good IGUANA!!! (Bear hug.)

ESCORT: (Laughing) I figured you knew each other some how.

IGUANA: Yes, I am very familiar with him.

CYCLIST: Very.

IGUANA: I am like the New York City Directory, everyone's used me at one time? How are you?

CYCLIST: (Noel Coward. Every emotion for him is huge! Nothing is to small to experience.) I am GREAT! I am visiting my good friend here and now I see you! Did you know Iguana was in perhaps the top three best sexual experience in my life! (IGUANA's eyes grow large.) Two hours!

IGUANA: That's me. I'm a machine. (Smiles)

(Scene change. It's later and IGUANA is walking down the street to a play. He is leisurely strolling. He looks at stores and streets and thinks about them. His thoughts are allowed, does not matter if his lips move.)

IGUANA: (Stream of consciousness and listening to his iPhone. Mame is playing.) You coax the blues right out of the horn, I hope this musical is good. Mame, That salad tasted really good, You charm the husk right off of the corn, I need this walk though. Mame, I am nearing up on FIT. You've got that banjoes strummin' Oh good old FIT! Don't they tape Martha Stewart Living there? And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band, Remember that time you slept with that guy. The whole plantation's hummin' While his boyfriend was out of town. Didn't he work... Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land. (The guy IGUANA is thinking of walks by not noticing him. It is very apparent that IGUANA recognizes him.) You make the cotton easy to pick, ... Mame,

IGUANA: It's time to move to San Francisco... You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,

BLACKOUT