My Mother and I

I am 23. Not old at all. I am the same age my mother and father were when I was born. I am half their age. Half of their lives were used up in raising me. The thought that 23 years ago my parents were already raising one kid, with me on the way and just about to move into their first home. My dad was just beginning in a business that would soon make him a small fortune. We were Jehovah's Witnesses! For God's sake this was a life that one would never be able to tell upon looking at me now.

Then comes the present. I am not married at 23. I am not caring for a three-year-old child. I'm not starting my career (yet). Soon, perhaps. And I sure as hell haven't found religion.

What am I beginning with? Was my mom having the same thoughts I am having now? Not like specific thoughts, but the worries. Did my mom lay awake at 2 am wondering if she had made the right moves in life? Or did she thank a God she never believed in? Telling him that she was so happy to be free of the tyrannical mother who lived in that gated kingdom?

I'm nervous more often nowadays. The life I've been living. Why, without working and simply going to class. I've had so much time to reflect the thoughts that have been flitting about. First, I'd like to start a job that I could have for a while, without getting completely tired to quickly. I worked at the same job for two years?! How did that happen?

It was the moment of stability in life. The hectic events always went away for 8 hours while you were in the financial printing office. Printing away the economy, hearing what is happening on Wall Street and watching how work slowed down with no jobs coming in. No one was spending money. 8 hours to sit and do nothing, but still you could avoid thinking about the rest of the mess.

At present, I glide in and out of thoughts. I don't like to stay in one for to long. If it lingers you can actually figure something out. It's such exhausting work. Your own little private audience of one. Alone, but not alone. You certainly are in a much better place than you were several months ago. I shudder when I think about how bad it could be. I want the silence. I want silence. That's not much to ask for, is it?

The above, I think I've just written a riddle I don't know how to solve. Breath, breath, breath. Okay. Continue on.