Slaughter on Tenth Avenue

First off, it shocked me to fully realize that I go back to school on August 27th. That's not September at all. How is that possible? We got out later than everyone else. And we go back earlier. If that's how you wish to play the game that's fine, I can play it that way. I ask you though, did the summer happen? Did it?

Moving along, we have a few things to cover tonight. Now, I'll let people guess what I listen to while at the gym today. Nothing has made me work out harder than June Anderson singing Glitter and Be Gay while Leonard Bernstein conducts...LEGENDARY I tell you. Candide is coming back to the NYOpera again this season and though I don't want to see it. I knew deep down inside I must. So I shall. Candide shaped part of my life, so I pay credit where credit is due. Above I present the same number thrice. All from Candide, but all presented in such amazing ways.

Now it's time for a story...
So this boy found me online, we shall call him the Cyclist, because he is very involved with that activity. So he found me and he's tall and cute and funny. We chatted online and seemed to get along well, though his motives were immediately clear from the get go. Online he seemed mildly amusing, goofy but a touch stand offish. I could deal though...that was until the fateful phone call.

It's Friday night and what else would this lonely spinster be doing on a Friday night, but sitting in at home and working on proper etiquette. When I get a phone call from the Cyclist. Now I am slightly surprised we exchanged numbers, but people don't just call. We chat and it's fine. I'm so sleepy from the overtime work that I probably made a fool of myself. He was in my neighborhood but yet was going to a bar to meet his friend...It's my animal magnetism DEAD?!

And here's where the fun begins folks...I present to you...A Dead Man's Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl...Or as I call it, how to piss the hell out of me...

Now, I'd say I'm a passive personality and I let many things slide by in my life. But sometimes I do not understand people at all. So the Cyclist calls me again and we chat. I'm a wreck on the phone with people I don't know. I mutter that I'm insane several times and he laughs. First, I would like to address his aggressive personality. VERY A type if you get my drift. Easily offended and VERY sure of himself. This doesn't tend to mix with my cynicism and insanity...follow along...

So we're chatting along innocently...pay attention because here's where it gets confusing. I mention that I am crazy and says, "You know what Maya Angelou says about crazy people...She says if someone says they are crazy...they mean it and you should stay away."
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Something I'll never say to him #1: Are you asking me to marry you?

All I could muster was, "Oh, Maya! Why does the cage bird sing?"

Then he does it...and I hear it and I listen while my lazy eye spins back into my head...

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou. Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion Creation, vacation

My reflexes set in and my immediate response is, "Oh please don't sing that." Now even if I wanted to I couldn't control it. It's like tapping a knee, honestly.

Well the Cyclist isn't pleased with this and says, "RENT CHANGED MY LIFE!"
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Something I'll never say to him #2: Why yes I'd love to move in with you.

I am taken aghast, he is offended and I just respond with, "I like RENT, but I'm not into RENT." And that does sit well either as he talks back, "It won the Pulitzer." He then continues to attack me, not letting a word in about how I could possibly not like RENT. I am trying to hold my tongue but this is what is going on through my head:

Okay, listen you douche. It's enough that I don't know you and that you're sort of arrogant. But don;t embarrassed BOTH OF US by singing RENT over the phone. I'll tell you why. First, RENT is a good show. But, in high school I had to deal with a bunch of no talent Drama nerds always belting out lyrics of songs and thus ruining my image of the show. Thank you for bringing that back into my life.

Second, RENT changed your life? That's original. You're 28 honey, RENT is of your generation. You grew up with it. That's wonderful for you. But, if I remember correctly RENT has a message in it. So when you IM'd me telling me you just got out of a 2 year long relationship and are looking to make up for lost time. I imagine by having sex with countless strangers. Is that what RENT taught you? Because I'd re listen to the CD (hell! Rent the movie for all I care!) because I feel that Jonathon Larson would have something to object to by your behavior in this one. Maybe, I'm wrong.

And lastly! Oh it won the Pulitzer did it? You're informing me that RENT won the Pulitzer? YOU ARE TELLING ME A FACT ABOUT A MUSICAL?! And to try an validate that I must love this show? Is that what you're telling me? Oh that's FUNNY! F-U-N-N-Y. Well let me impart a little fact on you. South Pacific was the first musical to win a Pulitzer. I love that show too, but I don't go singing Cock-Eyed Optimist whenever someone calls me Nellie!

Needless to say the conversation got awkward from then on. He changed the topic and we moved along, the entire time I am fuming. You can call me crazy, you can make fun of me. But when you bring up musicals in a non-intellectual way and dare to accuse ME have the wrong opinion (notice I never said RENT was bad to like, I just don't like when people belt it...you have a voice up in your nose...it's just gross to hear.)

So let's cut to the second part of this tale...Sunday...

After winning my "Hot Body Contest" and I left him a message. You see later that day he blew me off twice. First he told me to call him later if I wanted to meet up. I took a nap and called him and he told me he made plans to go to dinner. That's fine. He told me to give him a call cause he wouldn't be out late...

Cut to 10:30 pm as I go to the club. He leaves me a weird voicemail that I could barely hear. What I heard sounded like he was blowing me off. At the end he started to laugh with his friend and mumble. Which I found incredibly rude to do because not only couldn't I hear, it sounded like some joke was being made I knew nothing about.

So I left this message emailed to him. "So you blew me off twice last night. What's up with that :-p?" Honestly, I didn't mean it in a, "What the FUCK MAN!" So he calls and I pick up and here's what I hear...

"So, I like to talk in person who people who are rude to me."
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Something I'll Never Say To Him #3: He shall be called Jonathon and we will raise him as best we can!

He begins to berate me. To talk down to me. To tell me I'm sort of awful for telling him I blew him off. I told him it's okay and I apologize and then I discover that apparently the voicemail was nothing that I heard. It was apparently telling me to call him later. Which I don't believe in the slightest cause I didn't hear any of that. All I heard was him laughing and talking inaudibly.

That's when I snapped...

Something I WILL Say To Him: Okay, so here's the deal. I apologized but that's not enough. And you know what, I didn't call you to get disciplined. I told you there was a miscommunication and you can't accept that. I don't know why I thought you would be laughing at me over the phone, maybe you're one of those people. People do it all the time. So here's what I am going to do. I'm going to hang up on you and go on with my day because I DO NOT like to be talked down to. Especially from someone I barely know. So have a good day and I will *I let out a laugh* talk to you...again?
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Later that day he called me. To ask me to dinner and bury the hatchet. He's playing a game, but so am I. A dangerous game if you will.