Reading today, who knew that Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy and I had so much in common as far as anxiety goes? Well she was a Kennedy and their family seems to be filled with pain and strife, so I am not REALLY surprised (though she did marry into the family...I guess it was contagious then).So what am I going to do with my passport you ask? I'm going to China. Yes. I lie to you not. I don't wish to discuss it right now. I will in all due time, trust me.
Moving along though, I have some things to discuss...wait I must put on my glasses first.
Men don't make passes, to girls who wear glasses.
I thought it time that I finally have a entry with no REAL purpose. I do have one tale to tell...
Stupid thing I shouldn't do #345: Go on dates stoned.
The Photographer and I spent last Friday night together. He is a stoner, I suppose that's the proper phrasing? He's a pothead. There's something I find very enduring about a gay man who smokes pot. I don't know what it is. It's so calming to me. I enjoy it. What I don't enjoy is myself stoned with them. I become very paranoid, (unless I feel comfortable with the people I'm with) but on a date of any sort that's not the case.
I took two hits and lost myself instantly. I get quiet and very introverted. He was the one who offered so he knew what he was getting himself into. And didn't seem to mind. I would go on with the night, but it was all a blur.
We went to a bar, what seemed like miles away. Every street corner, the area changed. From safe, to sketchy, to creepy, etc, etc. It was terrifying. I was almost tempted to flee. And for those of you who truly know me, I am know to randomly run away in stoned moments...
Moving along, we got to the bar and I just remember freaking out (inside my head). It was so loud and busy. He seemed okay. But there were times I would say things and his reaction I could not read. It frightened me more. Yet I didn't feel unsafe from him.
I remember he punched me at one street cause he saw a punch buggy. It may have been the highness, but I wanted to burst into tears.
Then when we got to the bar and sat out in the garden. I'd never felt so watched by everyone in my life. They said the garden would close at 11, and it was 10:42. I was perplexed as to why we were sitting outside when had less than 20 minutes. My mind kept racing the entire time.
We ate something. I remember the taste of bacon, but I can't tell you what I ate. I ate three of them. He drank two beers and questioned why we walked all the way to a bar when I wouldn't drink. All I could do was literally mumble. I have never felt so inaudible in my life.
It was a strange date. Yet, I wouldn't have changed it for anything.
It didn't help that I was very tired from the week. So eating and smoking left me very tired. This is my life. I can't help it sometimes.
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