I was set off this evening when the costume designer asked me why I was in a fragile state of mind? When I was telling him about the Harring Letter. He did it in front of a few people I did not know. It put me in a state. Also, the fact that he is a Hot Dumpling and therefore lacks certain emotions.
My emotions are my own. I am the only one who owns them and if they are a little crazy. That is my business. I would love medication of some sort. The moment I get a job I think I am going to work toward this. The movie business is a touch ridiculous, people working for long hours and not getting paid. I feel it's only a matter of time before someone cracks.
This is how I am going to envision my life progressing for the next 3.5 months. I will look for a job and find one. I will start to make money and save money. To which I will eventually graduate college. That's all I care for right now, it's a time to prove myself. I've been bothered since on Feb 1st, my mother said: Iguana, I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my life to support yours.
Then perhaps you should not have had children. Moving home will never happen. It's not even an option I am allowing into my life.
I ask here and now [as I doomed my fate with Harring by declaring him just a third character in my Tall Man Epilogue] that the universe allow me to uphold all these requests. Give me diligence and energy to find a job and stay living in the city. Give me strength and reason to be happy daily, for I need to remember to love myself. It's time to prove oneself and right now there is so much uncertainty to the future. I ask to rise above it and live my life to it's fullest. I may have shown an excess of emotion in the last week or so, and I am willing to accept the negative energy. This is who I am and this is the only way I know how to react. I want to get better. I truly do.
This is my request to the universe.
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