Iguana is Manic

My mania has reached a new height. Everyone is going on vacations, planning vacations, or is currently on a vacation.

Oh except me.

I do it to myself I suppose. I can't travel alone, I'm terrified. I can't even go to a bar by myself, how am I supposed to pack up and go on a trip all alone? I know it's a double edged sword, and I always think it's funny when I say that and people reply with, "Well sometimes going on vacation is fun." Do they not understand even if they had fun, I probably will not.

I spend enough time by myself alone that to go somewhere ELSE alone is not my idea of fun. I'm not the most social person in new settings, I rarely speak to anyone unless they come up to me. I have a fear of starting conversations or even initiating most things unless I'm absolutely sure. It's not fun.

So one of my friends is going for a week to the Caribbean, someone I sleep with is in Montreal for five days, a friend of mine is going to Germany this May, my ex who I am meeting up with soon is going to Spain or something. Where am I going?

To my parents in upstate NY for Easter. Yea, that's all I have planned. I have the hopefuly chance of China/India with Brooklyn College. The only qualm about that is I need to get my passport. Plus I'll be alone, but I really want to go. That's not until Christmas time of 2007/2008. It seems so distant.

Okay I need to stop, it doesn't help that I slept in until 11 am because I have to pay rent, so I'm going to the gym rather late. I just keep telling myself, "You have nothing planned, you have nothing planned."

What's the point of being on time when you have nothing planned?? Exactly!!

Excuse me but I have to go and catch my sanity...It's gone running wild down the Eastern Parkway.