Iguana Spring Break Awakening

Spring break has come and it couldn't seem more awful. So the teachers of my wonderful place of learning have decided to give homework. Now I wouldn't mind because I can do this work surely. Unless it's drafting homework, where I do not have the room (nor the tools) to draft. So I need to make my way back to school at some point...this task is easier said than done.

More on part of "poor" planning, I guess one could call it that seeing as I need to MAKE MONEY TO LIVE. But foolish me to think that a week without classes would be a good time to work full time...I don't have the necessary time to go to school during the week to draft, as I normally would.

So in short I'm a fool to assume that during vacation I could work properly...silly silly Iguana.

I have no real plans for break, except working, then going home for Easter. I lead an exciting life. I suppose homework somewhere in between there.

Onto more exciting news. Insightful news. I've been trying to get in contact with my ex-boyfriend of yesteryear. I was a child when we dated a naive 17 year old who fell head over heels in love. Only to suddenly be awoken by the cruel ways love can fool with your mind. I spent almost every day for a year with him, at the time that's how I thought it was done. I am still wondering if that's the way it's done.

Funny how my two long term relationships have been so long ago it seems. I can no longer really say I am the monogamous type. Well I feel like I am, but I no longer have viable proof to back it up. What can I say, "I dated two guys for a year each in my late teens?"

I seem to have lost the thrill for it all. Lost the interest to stay interested it seems. I try but I never feel a connection. Is it for lack of trying?

Back to my ex-boyfriend. We've been trying to meet up to catch up. It's been so long and I have changed so much that it's impossible to harbor any resentment between us. Why am I trying to meet with him? I feel like I'm searching for some iota of the person I used to be. I want him to see me and after sometime reminiscing to say, "You're just as I remember you." To help me feel there is still something beneath all this...

The sad thing is I know that he won't say that. What we've already spoken about he told me he was in complete shock that I was telling him what I did. I took this life for better or for worse.

"When monster meets monster, one monster has to give way, AND IT WILL NEVER BE ME. I'm an older hand at it..." Alexandra DeLargo, Sweet Bird of Youth

A friend told me today that I'm to loyal sometimes...That comment really shook me up. I don't know what to make of it. I never thought of being loyal to be a bad thing, it would explain much though. I just can't quite digest it though.