Tired, but Restless

I am going to try for bed now. This will be short. I wish to get to the gym tomorrow.

I am restless as usual. School is rushing my life and the play will be done soon! I feel like I'm always falling behind. I've realized it's an issue I've been feeling since I was a kid. Sadly depressing. I always felt like I've been behind.

Held back in Kindergarten because of my emotional stunted behaviors. I was emotionally disturbed. Isn't that humorous to realize. Since I've been six I've always felt behind.

I feel so comfortable with the debauch world. Drag Queens and Poly-Amorous Pride Days. They've been filling my life and that feels normal.

I've been sleeping with The Escort. I'm not in love, I can't feel love. I'm just very interested in his life. He's been doing it since he was 18. How interesting. He tells me these tricks of the trade.

Then I stop and think about how possibly he could just be working me. I'm not paying him, and I'm having sex. So I suppose I'm not losing out. He likes that everyone loves him, that's why he escorts. He has like four older men who he sees weekly and they give me at least $250 a visit.

He makes $1,000 a week by just having sex with men. The pros are in my favor. What could you possibly say to change my mind? That I'm a lily that has only been touched by the morning dew?

About 20 minutes into his little stories it clicked. It was when he was telling me about what he does when he meets a John. He always goes to the bathroom to regroup and wash his butt.

It snapped, like a gear going into place. I was Community Service Escorting. I suddenly knew his game because I played it. Except I never got paid for it. Major bummer, right? So I ask you. What could you tell me that would weigh the cons against the pros? I have a pretty solid list of pros so far.