Iguana Appreciates Brilliance

*Warning*: the post below is written by someone who is absolutely Eccentric (mad) also known as myself...You've been warned.


So much happening where to begin. First above is a picture of the late Joan Diener. God bless her rough voice, it was amazing. For those of you who don't know her she was Aldonza in the original Man of La Mancha ("One pair of arms is like the other."). Also in Kismet ("Ladies shall we begin...service? What shall be the subject of our erotic discourse?"), but what I love her for is her role in At The Grand, which was the original Grand Hotel (of course I'm talking theater not movie). Apparently, it was a hit in L.A. but it would never get to Broadway. Why?

Well kids, that's why I am here to tell you the scandalous tale of Ms. Diener...that I heard from Ken Mendelbaum...indirectly.

The lead Paul Muni suffered from Paranoia that Diener was plotting against him. I would be too, she's sort of crazy. Due to it he barely slept and suffered the entire run. When the renewal of his contract was up he refused to resign. Therefore, since it was his show, the show was finished. How did Diener seek her revenge...in ways that I only dream of...

Muni was intensely afraid of cleavage and scantily clad women (yes, he was a piece of work, right?) During the final performance, a chorus girl intentionally slapped Muni in the face with her bare breast! But, Diener really had the last laugh in my opinion...

When during her curtain call, she "turned upstage to Muni and opening her full-length mink coat to reveal herself naked but for a long-stemmed rose between her legs." Now that is was I call a genius moment! (Not Since Carrie, 216)

Joan Diener is the stuff my dreams are made of!!

Onto the real stuff...

School is school. Getting used to it and all that jazz. Pretty soon the weeks will get a little more packed, but that has stopped me from doing what I like. Here's my schedule coming up:

• Seeing the Fantasticks with the Gentleman Caller — How thrilling! Seeing history with a man who was it during it's original NY run. I say that because he's 30 now, and he's been alive for the closing of a show and for them to revive it in his life. OH Jesus when that happens to me...I'll be SO happy. I've been waiting for a proper Side Show revival! (Roundabout BETTER not touch that property!)
  
• Seeing a Margaret Garner - The Opera with the Gentleman Caller — Are we married? A girl can dream, right? Honestly, I'm really happy he's going with me. This is REALLY exciting. In case you don't know. Toni Morrison teamed up and made Beloved into an Opera. Yea, I know...My friend said it's The Color Purple meets Porgy & Bess. It's a black woman singing, in short I was destined to see it before it came out.

Now only is Jennifer Holiday would do the role.

I can just see Margaret Garner (Holliday) at Trial for the murder of her daughter telling the jury:

"And I told her, 'You're not going!
You're the best daughter I ever had,
There's no way you can ever go!
No, no there's no way! No, no, no
no way! You're being a slave!
You're not gonna be a slave!
I want you to be free!
I'm saying, I'm saying!
You, you are gonna have to die!
I'm gonna murder you for your own good!
Cause I'm your mother...'"

Now I am SURE the score is much better, but listen to my lyrics with Dreamgirls playing and sing along. See how it sounds...

Go on try it...

• I'm seeing an the first return of Kiss of the Spider Woman to NYC since it's original run with one of my best friends! — I can't wait for that...It could be great, it could be awful. Regardless, it'll be wonderful to see this show! Once again my Theatre Powers* took action. The other day I was thinking about how close to Molina I am in my dreaming (of Anita Morris of course) and I thought...I wish I could see that show...Cut to this weekend when it was announced that they're doing a production. I'm just saying, I frighten myself sometimes.

That concludes my plans for the following week...(seriously)

• Seeing King Lear starring Ian McKellan — Normally 3 hours of Shakespeare wouldn't create such excitement. But, it's every one's favorite British Gay Icon! He's naked and he's brilliant! I'm thrilled if you can't tell.

There are other things also happening. Like the fact that I feel The Cyclist has dropped me, which I'm sort of fine with. It only proves my original thesis that he was on the hunt for sex. When I didn't provide two hours every time (but WHO CAN!? Well I can, but I don't brag) he is now moving. If this is true, I have sort of won. He's proving himself to me as an incredible flake and everything I expected.

Still I will not get to live out my fantasy of one day tying him up to his bed. Dousing him in gasoline, while I wear nothing but a jockstrap. I light a cigarette and tell him about how he needs to be humbled and that I warned him I was completely insane. I toy with him for a time and finally see him humbled. I throw the cigarette onto the bed, only to have it extinguished because in fact it was just water. I look at him and say, "Don't FUCK with the feelings of a emotional Cancer!" Put on my clothes and walk out of the room...leaving him tied up all the same.**

Enough craziness for one night, don't you think?

*Granted I think about every musical in the history of theater at every moment of everyday. So it's not hard for a production to come out that I'm like, "I was just thinking about that!" Nonetheless, I surprise myself sometimes. I am sure if I wished hard enough Laurie Beechman would come back from the grave, enter my room (fez and all) and perform Joseph and the Technicolor DreamCoat for me...I'm am just saying.
**I never put this dream into action because I am all about realism and I couldn't figure out how to make it so the liquid smelled of Gasoline, but was in fact just water. I just liked the idea of it...after all it was JUST a dream...