I brought it upon myself

Why can't I speak?

The time moved to quickly. I went to another mall with my mother day, rather funny. Returning to the mall for me is like a student visiting their old high school. I have no memories I associate with High school really. The mall though, it's a different story.

Why won't the words come?

I almost got a piercing in my ear, but I decided against it. I'm happy I showed that self control. Hurrah for me.

Why can't I tell him...

I met with my ex-bf today for the first time in almost two years. We've talked over the phone before. I found it time to meet. We had coffee. I talked much more than him, which was the standard. Truly the way it's always been. He is sweet, but it's gone. He's buying a house...he's 24...MY GOD.

how much I want him?

We went to dinner in the most suburban of ways. We went to Outback Steakhouse. I ate enough for three weeks. It was delicious but fattening...

Why can't I show him...

Why am I hiding?

So, Saw 3...Unrated Version...I can handle movies like that right?

Now that he's held me,

Tonight I watched a man pull chains out of his skin. A woman's rib cage be torn open. A woman frozen to death. A man almost drowned in guts, then to later have half his head shot off. Followed by a man have his arms twisted, then his legs broken off from twisting as well, finally his head being twisted 180. Then to end it all, several gun shots, a throat slit, with one BIG gun shot. The movie ended with a single shot of a the inside of a woman's head that had been blown completely off.

And I wonder why I can't sleep...I loved it BY THE WAY!

Now that's he's freed me...

Tomorrow I head home, I just wish I could go to sleep. Damn these visual images in my mind.

Oh it's come to my mind that I may try dating again. Like a serious dating thing. Don't quote me for sure. It's going to be slow and annoying. I'll let what happens, happen. I'm not looking, but I would like to have something meaningful again. I can't afford a house, but I can try to be adult myself...

now that I'm happy?