Iguana Is Being Lazy...or Depressed?

So today has accomplished nothing. I had the opportunity to go to the beach this weekend from two different parties. No, no. I passed those up to do, God knows what. As a result I look around the room and realized I have done nothing. Absolutely, nothing.

Summer vacation, what is that?

Last night I had a slight nervous episode. All my body felt was tired, yet all my mind felt was busy. I went to sleep and immediately passed out for exactly one hour, only to wake in sweat and feel like I had received no rest at all. Then I proceeded to sit on my computer and transfer more music to my external hard drive.

This hard drive will soon hold a wealth of musicals like no one can imagine. I have 20 GBs on it already. Approximately a months worth of music is on my computer. You could play it for a month straight and it wouldn't repeat one song. Needless to say I only have 10 GBs of space left on my computer!

Moving along...

It was after midnight and a full moon is nearing. This means two things, I am going insane and I am turning into a werewolf. Certain people spending the weekend with me next week will be happy to know that after this weekend, I won't be so emotional. I can only say it was a wise decision to separate myself from humanity this weekend. After the emotions of last weekend and all that.

"I don't know what's happening to me. I seemed to be unraveling. "

I'm sitting here thinking about The Hours and listening to Edith Piaf most intense songs. I am doing this while I am in my "right mind"

I feel that my nervous breakdown shall be grand and magnificent when it does come.
(And if I am lucky enough to hear music, it will probably be Edith singing at full force.)

Okay, I'd like to get something clear here. I know that I am dramatic. It's slightly my personality, but it's also for show. I admit a lot of it is who I am. But I am going to give everyone a warning, a severe warning:

If I am online and it is past midnight and I haven't slept well...scratch that...if I am on past midnight in general. If you see me online and decide to IM me, be aware for what shall happen could change your view of me drastically. Since I can't tell what you are feeling, I shall tell you what will be going on my side of the computer.

I will be listening to something to intensify my dramatic mood. I will not be wearing my glasses and I will be reflective. Also, I guess I can't control myself, but I am bound to bring up any issue I have with you. No matter how small, it will surface. I don't know why I do it. I may know it will create problems, but yet it'll be brought up.

Like clockwork, I was speaking to a friend online. This Sunday he told me he liked me more than a friend. It freaked me out. As often the relationship stuff does. Since then we hung out one night, but I was getting these weird signs. He is the guy who I like has a friend and is perfect for me, because he can take my insanity. As usual though I don't feel a click yet. So instead of just chatting, it was now 1:30 am and I was online. With this in the back of your minds can you guess what happened?

I say, "Why did you tell me you liked me? After I repeatedly told you that I immediately become a mess when I know these things." Thus, creating an interesting situation to my late night. Granted here were the signs I had of him being weird:

• He texted me everyday at the same time asking me how my day is going. When he knows well that I was working over time at work and it was the busiest week of the month. I'm sorry but that's what I want my boyfriend to do. I can only say, "Stressed." Or, "Busy." So many times.
• He told me a friend of his IM'd him saying, "You've been spending a lot of time with this Craig guy haven't you." This ultimately set me off to freak out. Why are you telling me this?? I already told you I can't date you right now, but you're telling me that your friends assume we're dating? So I responded in a passe manner and he started to read into the issue it seemed, "Why did you say this..." Kind of questions.
• He told me when we saw Hairspray and on my birthday that he wanted to spend the night with me.
  

Regardless, I was freaking out. It happens. We discussed it and got into a weird, weird conversation. I opted for bed and left him in the dark. I called him this morning, in my right mind. I apologized and things are good again. It's difficult, very difficult.

Last night, during my insomnia I laid in my bed looking out the window at the silhouettes of the trees. I took in this moment, determined to remember. I have never seen something like that and it's almost impossible to describe. My body felt filled with a strange euphoric feeling, just know that.