Iguana Has a Moment

I saw Hairspray at midnight last night. Yes, I am that kind of guy. I don't even hold any sort of allegiance to the original movie or musical. Just was curious and knew I'd see it eventually. The dance numbers are phenomenal, but the movie lacks something...SOMETHING! I can't quiet name it yet. Everyone was good, in their own special way. I fell in love with the girl who played Tracy. She was adorable.

Now onto real thoughts...do I have any of those REALLY?

First off, since turning 22 I haven't had sex yet. As a 22 year old. Um...what? Not that I'm complaining, I am making a general statement. It just seems weird. Like prophetic. Who knows. It's not like I've been looking for it, and the options have presented themselves, I just haven't jumped. Does this mean I am growing up? Or that I have no drive anymore? Or I am looking for love? Just love, simple love.

hahaha...HAHA. I'll believe it when I see it.

This summer is so much more different than last summer and I don't necessarily hate it. While last summer was filled with amusing stories and awkward encounters and 24 hours of loving. This summer is filled with self reflection, calmness, and getting to regain my composure as a human being. It just seems in this fast moving place that if you aren't always living a life on the edge, then you're missing out. Yet again that could only be a mean rumor someone told me to keep me on my toes.

Which leads me to my next issue...Do I have issues anymore?

Since turning 22 I have this fleeting feeling that I'm suddenly going to age drastically. I know this is stupid and vain to think, but I never claimed to be smart or modest so I'll continue. 21 and 22 are no different in anyway. But I feel if I let my guard down I may look in the mirror and wonder what happened.

It may have something to do with the fact the other night that 21 year old Canadian gave me looks like I was worth nothing to him. It was so vicious, to judgemental. And I sit there thinking, "You're beautiful...and you're hitting on my friend who isn't as good looking as me...but he has a great face for photos." Not that I mean that in a mean way...who am I kidding? I sound like Harry Potter in the 5th book, just bitching away. (forgive me I as that is what I'm reading now and I always compare my life to the books I read...or the musicals I listen to...don't believe me...).

Then today...remember that guy I was feeling strong feelings for in the end of June? The one I actually spent writing entire entries about...

What WAS WRONG WITH ME?!

He IM's me today. And says, "Can I ask you an awkward question?" I tell him no problem and I think, "Oh he's gonna ask me something personal, or deep or hinting that he wants to reconnect."

Instead he asks me, "I know you've had problems with money in the past, so I am going to ask you what did you do to make more money?" Let's analyze this question for a moment, shall we? First off, I barely talk to this kid anymore, he doesn't make an attempt to contact and he's asking me this. Secondly, it shows how oblivious some people are of others around them. I have never had money issues in the past. I have had living situations that were difficult, I have had health issues, I have had stress. But I have never yet reached a problem when my bank account was so low I was looking for ways other than the money in my pay check to get by.

So instead of correcting him and telling him no. I decided to pretend I have had money issues and replied with, "Temping?" Knowing full well he has a full-time salaried job. Then I added, "Donating sperm always worked for me? Or turning tricks on Craigslist." Once again two things I never did, but I did have an old roommate who whored himself on Craigslist...

Just relax dear, I'm about to shake your world.

And he said what fully discredits most people in my mind, because I watched my old roommate turn in circles (mentally and emotionally) when his main source of income was Craigslist Tricks. He replied, "I may just have to do that." And I simply laughed. You have a full-time salaried job. I told him, "Perhaps you should stop going out so much."

I was hung up over this guy?

Apparently his story was that he wrote out a check and thought he had enough money for rent. Well he doesn't. I have a minor solution to this problem, at least what I've learned from his situation in life...

He should ask his "ex-boyfriend" for some RENT MONEY. He told me that he covers all the rent, even though his ex lives with him, sleeping on the couch. I don't care, a couch is more than I had at times and yet I paid rent. Needless to say Craiglist won't REALLY work for him, he's not really got any hot pictures...it's all about presentation on there...not that I KNOW or anything...

The last topic of the entry...do I really write entries anymore?

There's this guy. He came into my life like a breeze. We met a year ago and he moved to the city just recently. Since then he had treated me more sweetly than any guy who has ever had a crush on me. He has that wonderful new to the city innocence that's very nice. He has that upstate friendliness and he lets me talk about musicals for hours and likes to hear about them?

There is only one big issue. I am not necessarily attracted to him on that level. Now I know it's normal to have gay friends. But on July 4th we did have the infamous make out session. Granted we were "drunk." But I flipped out and got nervous, because when I kiss a guy he ultimately turns to stone...that or things just get awkward.

I feel like Emma in Song & Dance: I never really miss him, but I like it when he's here.

The other day he was the friend who comforted me during my hangover. He lets me just spout out theater quotes and make up little ditty's based on musicals and sing them over and over again even though they are lame. Last night he came with me to see Hairspray.

We discussed the kiss and are being very adult about it. Since that talk though I have tried not to show signs that I'm fully interested in anything more than what it is. Two guys getting to become great friends. No more than that. Could there be something in the future? Perhaps.

I have this weird feeling that he will play a big part in my life possibly. It's a premonition only, but I see things. I got this feeling during out hangout session last Sunday, as we walked through Prospect Park, that I would know him until the end of my life.

This frightened me and made me wonder...

End of Entry...