The RENT has been paid

Last night I saw RENT one last time before it closes for good. I remember seeing RENT the first time years ago and feeling the cast was superb. Last night, unless my childhood youth deceived me, this cast was horrible. When I first saw it Mimi was superb, Mark was cool, Angel was amazing.

Last night drove the idea home that this show is tired. I never though I could see is possible that someone could "walk through" doing Take Me Out Tonight. Yet, the girl who played Mimi did it. Which is surprising because she is an understudy. This was her night to SHINE. Maybe it was because she hadn't figured out Mimi yet. Who knows. Good night, RENT.

In good news, things are a little more normal feeling again. Tomorrow I purchase an iPhone. This is a little ahead of the finishing my Life To-Do List, but it's okay. I decided to put 100 things on it because if I only have like 30, I could possibly finish it to early. I can't wait to get my iPhone. It'll be my first big step towards Independence.

The bad news is my new health insurance apparently is not in line with my doctor's office. I made a visit and got a bill telling me I owe an EXTRA 63 dollars. I have made a second visit too...so that's 60 more...oy...I need a new doctor, that much is clear. Oy. Oy. OY!

Chess on Broadway - 1988

Chess, if you don't know already and many (the four people who read this) of you already do, is one of my all time favorite musicals. I have finally acquired a bootleg of the production! It's amazing, well semi-amazing. Okay, I'll just admit it I secretly love it with all my heart. I've only watched Act I, but I can't wait for Act II. The three stars sing their hearts out and it's such a shame that the cut the CD down to the minimal songs. Yet, that makes sense.

Trevor Nunn does it again! And when I say that I mean he uses the same techniques he used the year before in Les Mis and would use many years later in Rock 'N' Roll. Meaning when all else fails lets use a turntable...Now, I love the turntable, don't get me wrong. It can make an otherwise dull show, fascinating. Once the stage starts spinning you just feel this overwhelming urge that something amazing will happen!

Now for Chess this actually was very true. The way the staged moved (turned), along with the two moving towers made it actually look like they were walking down hallways. It was very cinematic.

However, this show was not without problems. First to mention the utterly confusing storyline. Since every version of Chess is different I cannot tell you the story so easily. The Broadway version though not only had a love triangle (as it always does) there is the whole USSR vs. USA idea. Plus there's Florence lost father. Add in two "agents" who are working for the greater good. Last but not least bring in the sad devoted wife. And I tell you, you have one crazy storyline.

Also there is the music...the epic and amazing music. Then there is the question of...what does one do during these songs? Well in one version they had the chorus provide entertainment by dancing, while the lead sang their ballad. In concert versions it's easier, because we don't expect much. In this version though (save for One Night In Bangkok) Mr. Nunn didn't think about this fully through, nothing happens.

The best example being Nobody's Side. This is Florence's huge number where she finally leaves Freddie and decides to play the game her way! It's a wonderful song, the lyrics are a bit nutty. Yet you listen to it and feel completely empowered! So for years I've wondered what Florence would be doing during this number. Would she be smashing shit up? Would she be standing there doing nothing? So the song begins and well...I think my thoughts are best said in the email I sent to my friend, which was my immediate reaction to the number. Yes I write my friend about my feelings on certain parts of musicals.

Enjoy and I suggest listening to the actual song while reading (Click here!) You really get the feel:

But as we've discussed, the songs are so epic, what do you do? Like the song where people sell things it's just odd. However, my favorite moment is when Judy is singing Nobody's Side. At least in the Swedish version they have Florence in a club getting drunk and have a REALLY good time.

While in this Judy starts off singing after Freddie leaves. Then the turntable moves and Florence walks into her hotel room. Now you think it's gonna get great...and she proceeds to start packing her suitcase...

The rest of the song (like 2 minutes) is just her belting her heart out and she's folding her sweaters and folding skirts. She throws the shoes in very mad. Cause she's belting very powerfully...Yes...so that's just a funny moment.

Lastly, since I'm on theme of Nobody's Side. I may as well drive the point home with this little gem...

Life To-Do List

Today was an okay day. Nothing good, nothing bad. I suppose I'm allowed those days every now and then, right? I went to Therapy, which was more like rehash the week. It left me a little drained of feelings. I started rehashing and then told my therapist (poor girl is a grad student...she probably has her dissertation written about me already).

I told her I am making a "Life To-Do List" which is a list. Not a Bucket List, I refused to associate it with death. It's the same idea, but this is own personal list. It's not finished yet. It will be like the Constitution. Meaning it can be amended over time, but only is 2/3 of the house agrees. This means that Anita Morris, Judy Garland and I must out vote the tattoos on my calves.

Here is the list so far:

1. Always love those around you
2. Love yourself, no matter what happens
3. Buy an iPhone
4. Keep going the gym until you can't any longer
5. Finish undergraduate college in Theatre
6. Travel to Egypt and climb the Pyramids
7. Buy a new Computer
8. Get at least FOUR more tattoos
9. Get a theatrical Internship
10. Embrace what life has given you
11. Keep smiling and making jokes
12. Win a Tony Award
13. Travel to Germany and stay in a Hostel
14. Take a road trip across America
15. Do the AIDs Walk annually
16. Travel to Alaska
17. Write a play that you can truly be proud of
18. Have said play be put on by a theater company in an actual performance
19. Travel to Africa in a AIDs-Relief Related Event
20. Travel to San Francisco (possibly live there for some amount of time)
21. Learn to roll a joint
22. Eat a full Mexican Meal and enjoy it (perferably in Mexico)
23. Travel to India
24. Win the Pulitzer Prize
25. Meet Patti LuPone and tell her she's your idol
26. Go to the Ireland and look up at the stars
27. Volunteer in an AIDs related Foundation

In other news I got some more Broadway DVDs. This time I got the LA Cast of Falsettos, which is 10,000 times better than the Broadway recording. I have Chess on Broadway (immense pleasure in typing that one. See what happens if you deny me...I get it), Also Chess in Concert from Sweden with the original cast. City of Angels in London. Legends! starring Mary Martin and Carol Channing. Dance of the Vampires, the flop. As well as a mega flop called Marilyn: An American Fable. They all make me very happy...

Right now I'm half watching Falsettos. What a wonderful staging, truly amazing. What beautiful music.

Lastly, I have to write a short story for Creative Writing. I am trying to train myself to not rely on my own life to write about. I am trying to find common ideas and feelings I wish to write about. Then projecting them into a story I create. I am nervous, but I have a decent idea. We shall see.

The Oscars...

Last night I went to an Oscar's Viewing at my friend Jeff's. It was a private affair involving Gin & Tonics, Pot and lots of chips. The Oscars was a snooze. A major snooze, in my opinion. The only defining moment was when Marion Collard won, as I predicted way back when I first saw the movie in August. Way before everyone else was all abuzz. Yea, that's right I single handedly decided the fate of the Best Actress Category this year. I only try to use my powers for good.

So the song of my life right now is Nobody's Side. Yes, right. Well to tell you the truth, I am on Nobody's Side. Elaine Paige and I are both against everyone! As well as Judy Kuhn and Carolee Carmello! What a crew I run with, I'm actually aghast that there's not a Tony Winner amongst us! Well girl's worry not...I'll change that soon enough.

I came to the conclusion that I have dealt with so much bullshit and so many issues in my life, that I think God intended me to star in this Lifetime Movie he's making. Now I know, almost everyone thinks their lives are more important and interesting than the person next to them. So that's why I soon took that conclusion and decided to alter it slightly.

I decided that no, my life is not more important than anyone else's. And let's face it, there is no God cause so many people have so many problems, I find it hard to believe that God actually favors only those with religious zeal (who are the people with the biggest issues anyway).

I'm not trying to start shooting my mouth off, but I don't feel that religious people are more protected by God. I just feel they're more sheltered/ignorant. I digress...

As I was saying, my life is no more interesting than the people next to me. That's why I decided to start believing that when I don't see people. They cease to exist. It's not that people are boring but, their lives don't really matter unless I am somehow involved in them.

So I like to imagine that when I'm done hanging out with a person, they say goodbye and we hug. Then they just vaporize into thin air. Those thoughts aside, this doesn't count for my good friends. I need them to have lives too because what would I talk about? I am speaking more along the lines of...all those people I read on Livejournal and blogger.* I mean honestly.



* That last line was a joke to see if anyone even got that far to read it.

300 Posts and this one is for Judy...

She gets me through most any time of my life. Without her I'd be lost I feel. So odd, right? However, much in the vein of mixing Patti LuPone with Final Fantasy X. I have never associated Judy Garland with The Lord of the Rings. Yet, someone did...




Click here for a really amazing Judy Garland clip. It's long, but it's WELL worth it!

Until tomorrow night

The meeting with the Tall Man is going to happen tomorrow. It's weird talking to him on the phone smiling and being happy. It's not that I'm not happy. It's so strange I feel as though I've gained something (well I did) and suddenly my entire life has changed. All the rules that once applied are suddenly meaningless and though it's all new and strange. It's also strange and exciting. I've come to this conclusion:

Life is equal in good and bad moments. Though the good moments come in spurts, while the bad moments landslide in. To deal with it, you are in control and must do what you can do fight those bad moments. That's why I am not letting this get me down.

That aside, I admit there are times I wish to dig a hole and just scream into it until I can't scream anymore. I want to scream until my body heaves out all the disease and things return to how things once were. Which this may seem like I'm contradicting what I just said, but to scream is to live.

Last night while I was walking home in the snow I looked up in the sky and I felt a tug. Once again a tug to drop down and just cry. I kept walking and let the feeling go through me. My body tightened and I began to let out small moaning noises. It was the best I could do for the moment. I felt as if I would've faded into the sky if I didn't hold on.

I've gotten far from my point. It's strange to be so calm in the given situation, yet I feel nothing but calm. Why is this? Is it because I've grown so much that I can deal with even this? That the thoughts I had over a year ago, have withheld for all this time. Hibernating and waiting for the moment they would be useful?

I tell the Tall Man I look forward to seeing him, and I truly do. I just hope that he will still accept me for what I am now. And we can continue going and I can feel as if I am still what I always was...

Besides I'd like to believe that I am quiet the catch that wouldn't be easily thrown back into the water...but I may be giving myself way to much credit.

I don't know if Sheba ever came back...

And so quickly the mirror crack'd. On both sides, so quickly. This whole weekend I felt it, last night I felt it. The way I held on and refused to let go, I knew it. I'm in a state beyond description, which is difficult. I am terrified to sleep, but the sleep is so strong.

It will change. It all will change. It's not a necessity, it's a have to sort of matter. It's weird that you feel it coming before it happens. You can't do anything more, but let it unfold now.

That's enough for tonight.

Something is Off...

I went to bed last night at 11:15 pm. I was mildly high and I took half a Melatonin (sleeping Vitamin thing). Yet it was one of the worst nights I've ever had. Then this morning I have awoken (oh goodness is that even a word? Well it is now, but I suppose I mean arisen) into a mindset that constantly makes me want to burst into tears.

I understand that maybe the sleeping until 2 pm didn't help me fall right off into Dreamland again. Though I did dream last night mind you. It was a horrid dream about camping and I forgot to pack my sleeping back. I was with all the people I went to China with. Only this time the last place I wanted to be was for a month in the middle of the woods with them. I kept waking up and feeling restless.

I have an idea of why I had these issues. Hopefully after tomorrow they will calm down. Things to do like getting test results back from the Doctor (because he didn't call me back on Friday...but said that if he didn't call me back it didn't mean something bad had happened. No news is good news). I have a performance thing tomorrow for my class, which I've rehearsed...I mean rehearsing for the first time today.

I also am having those regular what am I doing with myself worries. The fact that it's been a month basically since I told myself I was telling work I am leaving and I haven't. Why so afraid? Today I have a moment thinking, "Why would you leave it if you don't have a reason to leave it?" And it's making sense. I mean if I'm just taking summer classes why? If I have an internship somewhere that requires me full time then I take it. Perhaps I should wait until the end of the summer. Depending on what happens to me in terms of opportunities.

As per Tuesday tradition, all these things will be brought up in Therapy. Hurrah. Hopefully, some clarity will come from it!

President's Day in Brooklyn

Last night I saw Next To Normal last night. Still amazing and though I do openly admit there are some problems with it, it's still fresh and amazing. Much more than other stuff playing right now and the long awaited Shrek, that's coming to Broadway. I do believe that Sutton Foster, though an amazing performer, is on a one woman quest to bring about the destruction of Broadway...

Tourist on line at TKTS: Look I see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse approaching Time Square?!
Other Tourist: Really? What do they look like?
Tourist: Oh my Lord! It looks like Sutton Foster, Mel Brooks, Eric Idle and Jerry Mitchell!
Other Tourist: Well I hope they don't get her until I get my discount ticket for The Color Purple.

That's how I envision the end to be. Or how the tourists in Time Square will probably react to it. They worked long and hard to get here and a mere Apocalypse will not stop them!

I have spent the last 48 hours being the laziest person I know. There's something about not showering that's both liberating and horrifying. I'll chose the former right now.

I spent last night and most of today with The Tall Man. He's going through such a stressful time, it's so odd to see the this happening to someone and not to yourself. He'll survive he said and as long as he doesn't "cut" me out of his stress. Correction, as long as I am not stressful to his life, I'll try the best I can to support him.

We didn't do much, more or less hung out. Fell asleep around 2am and then slept until 2 pm. We woke once for cordial reasons that I'll keep humble for the time being. We watch Fast Food Nation, which I expected to be disgusting and not leave me with feeling of happiness in my soul. I guess I set myself up for it. I have to applaud the author of that for making it such an interesting story. Yet, it felt so trashy. Suppose it's because the story is about middle America and thus you don't have many glamorous actors playing roles. Unless you're Charlize Theron and like to get down and dirty. Maybe it was also the acting.

I feel as though I'm avoiding some lingering worries myself. Perhaps it has to do with quitting my job and being independent soon and surviving somehow on no money and on a dream that I'll get an internship. What's annoying about the Internship business is...The ones that want letters of recommendation...I did that game last year and got nothing. NOTHING. I'm not about to play this game again. It's tiring.

I think I may take up Temping again when I leave my job. Plus without an internship this summer I can focus on taking those summer classes and getting Geology and Biology out of the way. Not worry about that bullshit next semester. I want an internship, I really do. I also want to graduate. I'm gonna be an adult anyway and I played this game so long and so hard. It's time to end it.

The Tall Man's roommate (who I mentioned was moving out) got rid of a lot of his stuff. So that means I got two pairs of jeans, a couple nice shirts and other stuff. This is how I shop people, this is how I shop. Wait long enough and you'll get your dues.

Kiki and Herb through the years

Last night I saw Paradise Park. Charles Mee's last play at Signature Theater. This was my least favorite but it had some stellar monologues. It was a little to steeped in symbolism. I really love Charles Mee. What I enjoy is the underlying message of all his bizarre plays is: Love. It's very sweet and romantic in a way. Then the rest of the plays are utterly insane.

I got Skidoo from my friend last night. It's not in stores and he had an old VHS (these are my friends). It's so trippy. Carol Channing's outfits are absolutely insane. I wonder if she provided them.

I also got Kiki & Herb's new DVD. Which was at the Knitting Factory, I was there. It's great to have a DVD that I was part of! What I love about the DVD though is it has older clips of Kiki and Herb through their decade of fame. Including a clip of 1993 where Kiki was merely long hair and a Heineken. The next clip is 1999 and it's absolutely amazing. Kiki is discussing world issues about Columbine, which she calls Concubine. It's horrible, but funny.