Oh wait, I retract that statement.
So upon rereading Angels I have noticed many things that I was blind to when I first read it four years ago. I think they're common issues that many people my age would be blind to upon initially reading it (let alone being 18 when you read it). We're not informed about the history of HIV (as I've said many a time while reading And The Band Played On) and we can't fathom what the appearance of a lesion meant to a gay man in 1985. I couldn't really see why Louis was being so cowardly towards Prior and though I still don't forgive it. Having experienced it firsthand, it's a common human weakness that you need to realize does happen.
Humans who don't suffer enough in life, will give themselves things to suffer through. My example being Prior who has AIDS and Louis who is healthy. Louis makes himself a martyr. Woe is Louis.
I'm displacing my frustration, I know this.
This was really the first time masses of openly gay couples were suddenly forced to deal with premature death. Up to that point it was just sex and fun, no one had to deal with the harshness of loss and watching someone you love leave to soon. Does Louis become more of a real character to me than before? Yes. Do I appreciate his choices through the plays? No.
Then there's Joe. Knowing what I do about Tony Kushner. The 1980s. The Regan Administration. I can hypothesize why Joe is the only character who is not fully forgiven for his actions. He represents everything Kushner found wrong about that era. Sure he's gay now, he's come to terms with his sexuality. As a gay male I should celebrate that, but he goes about it all the wrong way. In realizing this he refuses to see the faults America holds for this life he's entering into. He wants to feel the primal feelings of love and sex, but not come to face the fact that there is more he needs to face than just realizing you're gay.
He abandons his wife and really doesn't wish to ever see her again. He chooses to ignore that issue. He wants Louis to love him, despite Louis's leaving his lover of four years dying. He doesn't want to face that issue. He chooses to believe that America is still the same wholesome place that it's always been. That it's not covered with disease and poverty and corrupt behaviors. For these decisions in Kushner's opinion he cannot be forgiven. Louis can be forgiven because he suffers and stands up for his ideals. Joe never tries to stand up for anything, therefore he gets swallowed up through his ignorance.
But that's just my rereading of the play(s).
Today is the Day of Silence and Brooklyn College Lesbians are protesting in silence. For a moment, as I crossed their small line of people holding silence saying, "I have been silenced at Brooklyn College" I felt a touch guilty that I wasn't standing there. This moment quickly passed.
Perhaps you have to lose your sensibility to learn that silence doesn't solve anything. Standing there, out of people the crowd's way, in a line will not get attention. I have relayed the stories of how I planned the Day of Silence at my high school many years ago and it was a success. I got 200 people out of 1000 to sign up (a great feat for a school that never openly discussed homos before me). It was after this that I realized: what is the point of being silenced? If you're a homosexual who is being silent to protest the silence homosexuals who aren't out go through, what are you accomplishing? What about a Day of Outcrying?!
Get out, standing in people's way, force them to look. I've learned in these last few months, that the demographic that America cares about least is homosexuals. The history books obviously back my points up. It just seems odd to me. You're not using your voice, okay we already are very aware that homosexuals don't have a voice in society. For 4 years, HIV was in America, most of America was unaware. Why? Homosexuals were the majority. There was no point in talking about it, even if a few normal* heterosexual people got it.
Why am I not planning this alleged Day of Outcrying? I feel lost and confused. It just seems foolish to stand there in silence. I can tell you I never got anything accomplished in life by keeping my mouth shut. I came out to my parents, my school and just about anyone else. Yelling and screaming, being true to myself.
Wow I feel so pseudo political and thoughtful right now. It probably comes off stupid, but I feel as if I did some thinking in between these items. Now I need a cigarette. Perhaps I'll smoke next to the Protesters.
* Normal meaning, not drug users or babies or Haitians or any other ethnic minority that was afflicted at the time.
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