Thershhold of Revelation

Nothing to important right now. I return to work. The last week of school is next week. I have finals. The play is awful and I've been reading books for leisure and not for school. Did I mention it's finals.

Of course rereading Angels in America has give me hope to continue on with life. Bah, bah, bah. But I suppose that this sums up my new outlook of life perfectly:

I don't know it it's not braver to die. But I recognize the habit. The addiction of being alive. We love past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that's it, that's the best I can do. It's so much not enough, so inadequate but...Bless me anyway. I want more life.

What does terrify me is what happened last night. As I was lying in bed, actually tired from the previous night. I have a simple, but totally debilitating moment of realization...

This is my life.

And in that thought I almost had a nervous breakdown. Seeing as I didn't that, means soon enough this issue will return.