In Between Shows...

In between shows. Very much like a Beckett play I am sure. Life continues, but nothing really progresses. The first act is like the second, but with minor variations.

I skipped the gym this morning, yes I did. I'm not ashamed of it. Last night at my friend's I was surprised by a visitor that had arrived before me. I just wanted to play the Wii. He was a kid who had talked to me online and through manhunt.net for a while. I am glad I met him in neutral surroundings.

If it's not enough that I have proclaimed myself a purely asexual being for the time being. This boy was gayer than I. He liked to throw out theater quotes for me to pick up, what he didn't realize though was I was throwing them out left and right. I've just learned to make them sound more natural.

Here's where I get vain:

Ladies and gentlemen. I go to the gym. I am very aware of the good and bad of my body. I know I have nice pecs and a cute face and that I'm muscular and sometimes carry a vague, but sunny disposition on my face.

This boy who has spent months trying to hang out, was well, to put it in a layman term...fat. Now, I know that is awful for me to say. Yet I go to the gym daily, I run miles and miles. I have built up standards that I'd hope, unless I am drunk or high on lethal drugs, that I follow no matter how lonely I feel.

Not saying I would never find a fat person attractive. I am sure I would, it's just not what attracts me to people for purely sexual encounters. Oh this is making me sound awful. But not that I expected this kid to get the clue that I am not into him (which perhaps he did...then again after months of not being into him before we met. I leave it open for surprises) he seems to think that he can win me over. Perhaps it's because that gay men are just that. Men. Sex is sex. It doesn't matter if the people are attracted to each other.

I have been lucky enough (because I am pert and 22 and have that disposition) to never been rejected by anyone from my many encounters with men. At least on one-on-one encounters. I have sometimes felt it happen in group sex situations. Yet, that's a completely difficult party I wish not to address right now. I'm not the sexiest man alive. I just wish that people wouldn't look at me as that sexual object I hate and think with some cunning lines and fancy tricks I will get naked for them. Okay, I'm narcissistic. I'd sooner drown myself in my own reflection that sleep with someone I'm not attracted to just to get off.

Just like a Beckett play. This time has passed and yet nothing has changed. Only some smaller issues are different.