The Ballad of the Patti LuPone Pillow

Anecdote time:

I sit here looking at the backside of my Patti LuPone pillow. Where just yesterday for the third time, I finally sewed in the zipper. It isn't the best job, but I managed to managed to make a zipper. I admit this pillow has been the bane of my finals. I have pressed on though, appliqueing Patti's head to the fabric (from Evita). I have spent a while cross stitching "LuPone Sweet LuPone" into the front. I was one E away from finishing that and then all I'd need to do is sew the front and back together.

Cut and stitch to yesterday. I brought the front part of my pillow into work to finish the embroidering. I sat throughout work focusing on finishing it. I even looked at my little canvas bag, which I keep all my sewing items in and thought, "You're going to lose this today." Like the prophet I am. I tried to deny my prediction by telling myself that because I thought of that scenario it can't happen now. I have prepared myself for it.

In my excitement to get to the Tall Man's apartment I left work. In my daze of leaving work I am torn. Half of me says I slung the canvas bag over my shoulder (as I often do) and went on my way. The other half was high on cocaine apparently to give a viable story. I arrive to Tall Man's place and I am offered a bowl. Which I gladly accept and he makes a joke about how I was working on my pillow. In my happiness I explain, "Oh I have it here! I can show you!"

Now ladies and gentleman, Iguana's distress sung by Patti LuPone herself:

A desert road from Vegas to nowhere
Someplace better than were you've been
A coffee machine that needs some fixin'
In a little cafe just around the bend

Chorus:
I am calling you
Can't you hear me?
I am calling you

A hot dry wind blows right through me
The baby's crying and I can't sleep
But we both know that a change is coming
Come on closer, sweet release

Chorus

So the panic began, just as the highness began. The Tall Man was ever so polite to deal with a wreck. I actually handled it pretty well. I felt like one of those mothers who kill their baby and then pretend they were kidnapped or that someone else killed them. It's true I was unhappy with the pillow, but I never wished that it would disappear like that! I should go on CNN and make my plea now because people start to get suspicious!

I am taking every precaution to find it. As most guilty parties do. I retraced all my steps to the subway station, in perfect detail too. As if I'd planned it all out ahead of time. I called work and asked them if they found it anywhere, specifically the bathroom and the places where people leave their bags. Two locations I knew it wouldn't be. I asked the woman at the booth in the subway station if anyone turned it in and I am going to check back at work today on last time. Regardless that I know they won't be there.

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can
You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine
You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer oh closer

You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man yeah
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

I don't care, I need you right here right now
I need you right here right now right by my side
Yeah yeah yeah
I don't care how you get here, just get here, get here
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can
Get here if you can

Who knows if it'll turn up. I'll take the incomplete, email my teacher to give her a heads up and go to China regardless. I'll make a new one, when I return. I think I'll start from scratch and just make a much more simple and less complex pillow...Yes, I'll do JUST that. Like children, pillows can be replaced. Then I'll work on getting my own TV show on Fox based off the scandal this will produce.

I am calling you. Just get here if you can