Who's to blame?

So the quick ballad of the Artist is complete. He was a very nice guy, we clicked in an odd way. We hung out a lot in the last two weeks. He wished to create a connection and for some reason deep down inside I cannot. One a social level we clicked, but in the bedroom we were good. Yet I felt a pulling.

Finally last night we messed around and there were two things that didn't sit well with me. First was that he told me originally that he was going to wait two weeks before doing anything sexually, just cause he didn't want to fuck it up. I respected this determination and then last night it was broken. Then he wanted me to spend the night, very romantic right? For some reason I just couldn't.

I've grown so accustomed it seems to my own schedule and loneliness that I don't feel like spending the night when I know I have chores to do the next day. Plus I don't know if I'm exactly looking for a relationship right now. I'm going to China, it's a month and things can last for a month, but I don't necessarily want excess feelings.

I don't know what I want. I feel this is more my own fault that The Artist's though. This has happened several times before it seems. People start to care and I just don't. I don't feel sexually driven towards them. This is where my true insanity tends to shine. The moment he started discussing possible relationship ideas with me, how we click and he could see something working. In my mind something clicked as well. This isn't a good habit to have, yet it's happened before.

Also I can't help but feel the psychic from New Orleans was RIGHT again. When we were talking he said (I felt this was random too) the man you will have sex with will tell you he's versatile, but he's lying. Now it seems odd, but I thought he was referring to the Tall Man, but I feel he was making a note about The Artist. He advised me against thinking it was okay. I don't know I'm probably now making excuses to help me get through.

Alas, last night I lost all feeling for anything towards The Artist it seems. I need to work on this more, at least address it to my Therapist (I won't be seeing her until I get back from China though).

And the beat goes on...