I'm watching Little Children. I'm enjoying it enough. Patrick Wilson is gorgeous, dreamlike beautiful. Someone I'd dream of and wake up the next morning with a smile on my face. Plus Kate Winslet is genius...And I just watched them having sex and saw Patrick's ass. I am set for the day.Patrick: What does Richard [her husband] do for himself?
Kate: Lies...
As stated last night, I'm suffering from the Christmas Blues. Slight loneliness, followed by frustration. I mean, as I said last night. It'll pass. I just hate the feeling sometimes, as all of us do. The one thing I get sick of is uncertainty. Sure I'm able to feel comfortable with the Tall Man...or some other guy. For one day, [possibly one day a week as it has been]. Then after that the rest is thrown to the wind.
I am trying to grow more comfortable with independent monogamy. I made that phrase up, can you tell? Something along the lines of meeting someone I can feel great with, but then go for days or weeks at a time living my own life. No hassle to really worry about, but to know they are there and want to be with me.
This is why I sometimes content myself with being a spinster. As the urban dictionary puts it though, a male spinster is a Ginnywoman...uh what? I'm digressing. I am like a spinster by way of Summer & Smoke and The Eccentricities of a Nightingale. I can do the sex, very well. Yet, when I get close to possibility of relationships I turn afraid because they can't be morphed into what my mind wants them to be.
So I find the ones that want emotional distance and I play my games based off of it. I'm one loopy case though, I know that much.
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