I had a moment this morning as I couldn't remember my trip to China at all. How odd, I had to take a moment to remind myself. Was it subsequent events or was that it went so quickly. How could I forget something like that. The memories are all there, I've just seemed to misplaced them. Adding onto that I ran into a kid I went to China with. The thing is I didn't speak to him more than two sentences on the trip. Call me bitchy, but why are you suddenly alert to how I am? I know it was a life changing trip, but we didn't talk in China. Why talk in Brooklyn? Why am I such an asshole?
Then there was the walk to the subway the other night. I was talking to meet my friends for our New Orleans Reunion. As I walked to the R Train I was hit by how strange life is at times. That from November through March I was so content and happy because of The Tall Man. So comfortable in everything. Then I realized it wasn't just that it was my trip to New Orleans and China as well that came then.
In the moment, I saw, as only someone with my powers can see. That to remember China and New Orleans will to forever remember The Tall Man. There can't be happiness without regret and sadness? I can't possibly ignore one without ignoring the other. To forget two wonderful trips just to forget hurt. Or to remember happy moments and always remember the false hopes that were held during that time.
Aw, fuck.
No comments:
Post a Comment