Time's have been trying and I have been faced with decisions. School has taken a backseat to my life right now. And to prove that nothing in life is permanent I decided that on Monday and Tuesday (today) I would throw plans to the wind and abandon everything that was officially scheduled. Meaning school and homework and therapy. Instead I went down the Judy Garland Way of Dealing with Internal Struggle. Of course that means I did copious amounts of drugs to help ignore the pain. As well as I followed my old route as a slut and had copious amounts of sex with a small group of people. (Only three different individuals in actuality. But the sex was hot and I enjoyed it).
I know it's not the way to do this, but I realize now that normal conventions can go to hell. Sure it's true I'm going through the first step: Denial. I admit that openly. If others can do it, then so can I. After ending this 48 hour excursion I realize that I can now safely return back to my normal life. I let myself have these 48 hours of absolute craziness, and I don't deny I may return to it from time to time. But I am a different person than I was two years ago, or a year ago for that matter. So I know I can allow myself into these views of life.
All day I sat around thinking, "This is so not me! I'm just waisting the day! I'm skipping class and school work to be a deviant of New York...Brava Iguana, brava. You are allowed this."
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