My wardrobe supervisor and I are in a dungeon in the cellar of the school. We are folding laundry and she brings up how someone was talking about how much I have changed. She then gives weird examples, one including when I "drank wine coolers backstage while dressing a show." I immediately felt guilty (re: Trip Home) because I know this, I just didn't know it was every one's number one concern.That was the gist of it and I have been down since. I ran at the gym, hoping I would get an Endorphin high. Not being able to have a cigarette until September 1st, I feel just like a junkie going through withdrawal. I haven't tried clawing out my roommates eye's out because she won't give me a 10-spot to buy my next pack, but I'll keep it in the back of my mind.
Then, school...college...classes. What do we call them nowadays? Anyhow, that starts soon. This one is the final lap before the checkered flag of life. What's that tense feeling in my chest? It's been a week since I've been to work and the beginning of several months of this trend.
My brain seems to finally be waking up and I'm getting that chance to think about myself. What I've been doing for the last couple of years and the choices I have made. It all really feels odd and embarrassing at times. It's a very uniquely grotesque feeling. I'll evolve from this all I am sure. A better person for it? That I'm not sure.
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